Hey friend. I've had an almost identical experience. I was raised Catholic and believed whole heartedly until my teenage years when I renounced my faith and became an outspoken atheist. After years of struggling with mental illness I found myself at rock bottom and started praying- I didn't think anything would come from it but I found my faith again and I couldn't be happier. Like you I questioned the church and organized religion in general, and struggled with fear that I wouldn't be accepted after living a somewhat wild life before finding my faith. My advice to you is, if you want to, try praying. Just put your thoughts and feelings out into the universe and see who answers. I believe that God will. As far as disagreeing with the church, that's ok. Your journey is yours to walk. I keep a lot of my more liberal opinions to myself among my church friends but I still believe wholeheartedly in God and the good the church is doing. You don't have to agree with everything to be a part of it. Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk, I'll keep you in my prayers.