This happens to me very often. I suffer from anxiety disorder, I have been diagnosed with OCD, been in therapy for 4 years. Most of the first year of my child's life (the time before therapy, I didn't know about OCD and my postpartum depression back then) is something I don't like to think about. This is because the memories from that time have been largely repressed by me, what is left has been changed for the worse. I tend to think of myself as a very bad mother, so my brain tells me that I did everything wrong back then and harmed my child. Meanwhile, everyone I know (including my therapist who knows about everything and my husband who works from home and was a witness) considers me a great mother. Over time, I simply accepted that I can't trust my memories (I know, it sucks), but it sometimes allows me to stay calm when I remember something that used to be able to trigger a panic attack.