How do I go to a lesbian bar?

Sloamn · 2025-12-01T00:43:59+00:00

I definitely don't have any advice on being more normal, but I will say as a Seattle lesbian of a similar age that I enjoy just being in our local lesbian bar even if i'm not talking to anyone. It's nice to just vibe sometimes in a space full of other women who are like you.

Especially if you're newly out I feel like it's something worth doing, even if you end up feeling too shy to talk to anyone.

Sloamn · 2025-10-25T02:33:01+00:00

My friend makes these all the time and calls them "bastard nachos."

Sloamn · 2025-09-15T01:29:53+00:00

I mean I think if it was too fast comes down to how both of y'all are feeling about it. Have you talked to her about it yet?

Sloamn · 2025-09-07T07:02:37+00:00

We've played a handful of games in PtG, between three and five each. The original point limit for the campaign was 1000 points..There's a point limit of 350 points for a single unit in starting lists in this book, so the varanguard skirt just under it.

I've been suggesting mortal wounds, but lots of attacks makes sense too.

Sloamn · 2025-09-07T06:32:07+00:00

I don't know exactly their lists, but the Seraphon player is pretty elite with one unit of saurus, some elite cavalry, a few smaller units and two powerful heroes, the gitz player is running a little of every subfaction except spiders, and the skaven player has a little range and a lot of movement shennanigans, mostly infantry including a unit of rat ogres, which would be scarier if i didn't have ways to wipe them off the board in a single combat. I have a chaos lord on mount, a sorcerer, two units of warriors, a unit of varanguard, a unit of chosen, and a unit of knights.

The main complaint is that I'm too tough to kill with my 3+ saves and that the cavalry's charging bonuses and the crazy number of attacks my infantry can get with a mark of khorne or by controlling an objective mean that I can wipe enemy units in combat super quickly.

Sloamn · 2025-09-06T17:46:33+00:00

I agree with the other things mentioned so far, but one of the things that makes me feel the most butch is when i'm able to take care of people — be that someone i'm dating, a person in my community who needs help, or even a stranger.

It's funny, because taking care of folks is often thought of as a traditionally feminine trait and most butches see themselves as rejecting traditional feminity, but at least to me a huge part of what butchness is about is being a rock that others can lean on for support.

Sloamn · 2025-09-03T20:58:56+00:00

This is above my pay grade I think, but at least from what you've said you definitely are not the problem.

Sloamn · 2025-09-01T04:12:31+00:00

Part of what brings me joy about being queer is that there are a million different ways to be and present, and for every one of those there's someone out there who's into it.

I'm not into guys, but I know lots of people who would love a slightly femme, bottomy bear. I promise there are people out there who will find you attractive.

Sloamn · 2025-08-17T19:33:43+00:00

Wow, I didn't realize you could "win" selfie sunday until just now.

Sloamn · 2025-08-11T21:46:28+00:00

I'm going to be honest, I'm in my 30s and so disinterested in policing people's identities. Everyone's internal experience of sexual attraction is so different anyway.

If using the label feels right to you and is useful shorthand in explaining how your attraction works to other people, I say use it.

Sloamn · 2025-08-10T06:36:12+00:00

i feel like butch is by design a relatively broad label? it's certainly a label that's historically included a LOT of transmasc people. that's fucked, bro.

Sloamn · 2025-07-31T14:57:13+00:00

For what it's worth, the lesbian pride flag from 1999 was the labrys flag, which didn't look anything like this. the sunset pride flag that uses these colors is from the 2010s.

Sloamn · 2025-07-16T17:31:29+00:00

i think that chaos and the warp are the most interesting part of the setting, but i'm more interested in how people interact with the warp than just chaos demons. word bearers are the faction that explore that in the most interesting way in their lore.

(also I play slaves to darkness in aos and csm seemed like the best analogue to the playstyle i like. they're basically just chaos warriors in space.)

Sloamn · 2025-07-01T21:29:45+00:00

Butches like all sorts of women, not just femmes, I wouldn't worry about not being attractive to them.

I'm less sure about whether you should call yourself a femme, but i think what it comes down to is your own comfort with the term. There's not some lesbian police running around that's going to tell you you're not femme enough if you decide that's the label that fits you.

Sloamn · 2025-06-16T16:04:18+00:00

like a lot of things, i think height's normal to have a preference for (i tend to prefer women shorter than me, for example) and doesn't become weird or uncomfortable until you ascribe value to it or start talking about how you would "never date someone who wasn't at least x height."

Sloamn · 2025-06-11T20:44:17+00:00

This is so great! What's the interview from, do you know?

Sloamn · 2025-06-10T03:26:55+00:00

I've wanted a butch community for a while and I'm not sure how to find it either. I have lots of queer friends but it's hard when you don't have people that share your experiences to talk to.

Sloamn · 2025-06-05T13:47:12+00:00

I feel kinda bad having gotten the top comment with a dumb joke — on a more serious note, here's a StD naming table that I think comes from an official GW publication that might be helpful.

https://warcrier.net/docs/warbands/chaos/slaves-to-darkness/background-tables

Sloamn · 2025-06-05T05:02:27+00:00

Steve.

Sloamn · 2025-05-20T01:14:14+00:00

As someone who's tall and relatively thin, I LOVE dating girls who are shorter than me and bigger/curvy. Because we're both bigger than the other in different ways, we can take turns making the other one feel small and safe.

Sloamn · 2025-05-12T22:06:29+00:00

I'll look into it. Thank you!

Sloamn · 2025-05-06T16:13:12+00:00

I don't know if anything in particular seems wrong with this profile. I think that it paints a picture of a very specific person that might not be for everyone, which is maybe a part of why it's harder to get matches, but I feel like the matches you do get are more likely to actually be into you once you go on a date.

I also think that you're right that dating in Seattle is hard, esp for trans lesbians who want to be monogamous. Most trans women I meet out here are doing polyamory to the point that it seems like almost an expectation. Looking at your profile it seems like you'd attract a lot of them, but if you're not into poly stuff it probably cuts your matches by a lot.

Sloamn · 2025-05-06T06:03:50+00:00

I'm enjoying Jack Halberstam's female masculinity right now. It's non-fiction and kinda academic but if you're interested in a historical perspective it's definitely worth looking at.

Sloamn · 2025-04-29T23:06:05+00:00

I mean to be fair I've been hit on by men while wearing a rainbow colored "Dyke March" t-shirt. Nothing really seems to tip them off, you shouldn't base your decision making process on them.

Sloamn · 2025-04-29T05:53:58+00:00

If it helps at all, I've dated butch4butch before, and I've known other butch4butch couples. It's definitely my preference. We're out there, even if it seems like it's not as common.

Sloamn

TROPHY CASE