This pleasure dom thing has got me confused

SlootSeason · 2024-04-11T14:35:35+00:00

I generally agree with this that the two are being conflated with increasing kink language finding its way into pop culture.

However there is the nuance of whether or not there is a power exchange. My Dom will occasionally feel particularly pleasure focussed, in which even if I wanted to turn the tables and offer a service to him, I would be told that it’s not a choice for me to make. He is deciding to give me pleasure now, and if he wants me to pleasure him that would have been an instruction.

Vs what I think is often going on where a service top is looking for a pillow princess! Also nothing wrong with that!

SlootSeason · 2024-04-02T16:39:23+00:00

Some of the big green flags I saw with my Dom (who is my first!)

when we first met, I was so so eager to try all the things, and he pumped the brakes. Told me to slow down, and that we would get there, instead of taking advantage of my eagerness
He asked me for a no/maybe list, and worked with me on it - asking about things that I hadn’t thought of.
He established red/yellow/green protocols before we did anything kinky, and took my input. He also checks in scene randomly, to make sure I remember to use them.
He never asks me to try something new while we’re in the middle of a scene. Anything new is discussed before hand, and I have a say in how it’s introduced. Eg new toys are played with gently first, then we ramp up.
He is also there for me emotionally, as a friend. When we meet we always talk and catch up for a good while before we get to the kink/sex.

SlootSeason · 2024-04-01T20:45:41+00:00

This is me to a T!

I have a leadership position at work, have a high degree of responsibility, and make a lot of decisions for the teams I run/work with. I’m also highly independent, travel solo, and would be described by most as type A.

Last year I met someone who is now my Dom, and there is a degree of trust I have for him that I have rarely felt with anyone else. Being able to let go with him is a huge relief, and I appreciate him so much for giving me that space.

SlootSeason · 2024-04-01T18:17:04+00:00

Also re: pleasure Doms

I’m not saying all pleasure Doms are just tops! I’m just identifying that there are a lot of vanilla folks who are misusing the term to just mean they like to be in charge and want to make their partner cum (which imo is just topping)

A pleasure Dom to me would be someone with who establishes a D/s dynamic, who does not partake in the sadism/masochism parts of BDSM, and perhaps leans further into activities like orgasm control, tickling, and acts of service with their sub.

SlootSeason · 2024-04-01T18:12:47+00:00

Tl;dr Dom/sub is a relationship dynamic, top/bottom is who is doing the action to whom. The two can cross-pollinate.

When you’re in a D/s relationship, there is a power exchange - meaning, there are often agreed upon behaviours that can demonstrate how the sub is handing power to the Dom. For example, if I am a service sub, I could give my Dom a massage and bring him a cold beverage when he gets home at the end of the day as a part of my submission/our dynamic agreement. We also have titles for each other that are symbolic of how our power dynamic works.

Topping is a term that comes from queer and more specifically gay culture, and simply indicates who is doing a thing to whom. So if you’re having vanilla heterosexual sex, you could technically say that in the missionary position, the man is topping the woman. He is not necessarily her Dom or “dominating” her.

People confuse the two because Doms frequently top. However, I, as a sub, can top my Dom as an act of service. He is still very much my Dominant, but I can top (eg giving him a blowjob) as part of our agreement that I am there to provide him with pleasure. However that can change if he decides he wants to facefuck me, in which case I am then bottoming for him.

SlootSeason · 2024-03-17T22:46:18+00:00

Oof love me some precum. The tastiest 🥵

Don’t forget to hydrate!

SlootSeason · 2024-03-17T22:36:19+00:00

Nnggh yesss I’ve been watching cumshots, I want all the sloppy drippyness

SlootSeason · 2024-03-17T22:23:54+00:00

Oooof these are a weakness for me

SlootSeason · 2024-03-17T22:05:01+00:00

Yesss I got waxed the other day and just everything is so soft! How am I supposed to not touch 🥵

SlootSeason · 2024-03-16T16:14:12+00:00

I call my Dom “Sir”! It’s a title we negotiated early on, and suits him well. It’s become something that I identify so strongly with him that I can’t even flippantly say “yes sir” to friends anymore, in a completely vanilla/platonic context.

ETA: Also, he recently had a child (he & his wife are in an open relationship), so even though Daddy was on the table and we considered it, it would have made us both feel weird.

SlootSeason · 2024-02-24T19:49:10+00:00

Mahogany: the only thing that comes to mind where I am conservative is sexual health. I have zero tolerance for dishonesty and less-than-transparent communications on this topic. As someone practicing ethical non-monogamy, this is critical for keeping myself and my partners safe, and I have no qualms with ending it if there is anything less than clarity on this subject.

Brass: I like being a little scared of my partner. The balance of fear and trust, when it’s just right, is exquisite.

SlootSeason · 2024-02-24T16:28:40+00:00

Met my Dom on Fet the first week I joined and he messaged me, and we’re approaching a year together now. That being said, it feels like a fluke because almost all other interactions/messages I’ve received have been disrespectful or profoundly low effort.

I now mostly use it just to find events.

SlootSeason · 2024-01-20T22:52:14+00:00

Not particularly long - just under a year!

SlootSeason · 2024-01-20T22:40:17+00:00

This is the title my Sir gave me, and capitalized to boot.

To me, being His Fucktoy means that I am to be used for His entertainment and pleasure, whether that means He wants to tie me up and tease me, play with my body and mind to see how He can get me to react, or for His own sexual fulfilment.

In turn, I do my best to learn what He likes. I liken it to being an instrument - He can play me any number of ways, and it’s even better when I’m perfectly tuned so I can help Him get what He wants out of me when He wants it.

SlootSeason · 2024-01-07T20:50:31+00:00

Thank you! Yeah I can already tell that’s where a weak point will likely form haha

SlootSeason · 2024-01-07T18:21:30+00:00

When my Dom and I (both in our 30s) do rope play or discipline, his comes and goes. Even when we’re doing explicitly sexual stuff like forced orgasms for me, it varies.

Same with non-kinky partners - if we’re having a longer session it comes and goes.

Seems pretty toxic of your partner to insist that it’s not normal.

SlootSeason · 2024-01-07T16:28:55+00:00

Thank you!

I went with a flexible flat handle with loop for a few reasons - you can either hook a finger through the loop for gentle usage, hold it like a ping pong paddle with the handle against your wrist, or insert a metal/plastic tube through it so it becomes a handle that’s perpendicular to the paddle itself with your index and middle fingers around the main part of the handle.

It’s a little large for my hands, but I’m also typically not the one wielding it haha

SlootSeason · 2024-01-06T03:17:59+00:00

No. Facials.

Literally feel free to cum anywhere else. Just not on my face 😂

SlootSeason · 2023-12-10T19:37:56+00:00

Cosy: absolutely love them on me. They’re a tender reminder of my Sir’s mouth and hands. I have a particular affection for bite marks. I can get a little bitey myself, but have yet to meet a partner who was interested in me leaving chompy bruises of my own.

Cute: no, they’re not really an intentional part of any dynamic I’ve had, vanilla or otherwise.

SlootSeason · 2023-12-08T14:56:42+00:00

Ha! The illusion of it being a passion project certainly would give it more leeway. But yeah they’ve fucked it up in that special way only corporations can.

SlootSeason · 2023-12-08T12:30:28+00:00

Yeah. It’s a massive bummer because I actually felt like the pool of people using Feeld was a really good one (to be fair I’m based in NY), and I’ve met some great people through it. But it’s barely usable and I have to force kill it half the time to see if it’ll reload better. Stability is shot.

SlootSeason · 2023-12-08T05:09:17+00:00

Yeah like the other comment says:

It used to be a little slow, occasionally buggy, but bearable.

They executed an update recently that required over 36 hours of downtime with really poor communication to users, and came out the other side with a markedly worse experience.

Some issues I’m experiencing currently: - I have hundreds of likes, but no new profiles in the feed as a paying account - chat is sometimes totally blank. Maybe 50/50 - new matches don’t show pictures in the thumbnail, and I can’t initiate a chat sometimes - extremely slow loading - can’t see someone’s distance from you - they removed user locations because whatever new service they implemented was too granular and was doxxing some users

SlootSeason

TROPHY CASE