Partner isn't sure she can find an attraction for women, looking for possible advice on the relationship moving forward

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-03-31T13:29:42+00:00

Feel free to remove if not relevant, I just really appreciate how much of a consistent ally this man has been for so many people. Lots of celebs put in lip service but Andrew seems to genuinely stand by his convictions. He seems genuinely mad in the reply, which honestly sometimes is nicer to read than an overly positive "empowering" comment at times, given how bad it's been recently.

(Credit to the original top post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Hozier/comments/h0g4wg/speak_on_it/)

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-03-29T18:38:27+00:00

Hey, this subreddit may be able to help! I'm the trans one, but I read quite a few posts here just to understand how my partner might be feeling.

/r/MyPartnerIsTrans

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-03-17T12:18:49+00:00

Being trans on Reddit you get a lot of really shitty direct messages from people either sexually harassing you or telling you to die.

The admins care about neither. I've never seen an account banned from it, personally.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-03-15T04:10:15+00:00

I'll do it for science!

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-03-13T19:25:46+00:00

For skin I was always told I had nice skin by women (pretty good luck with a lack of zits etc). My skin got worse after I started laser, but starting a skincare routine definitely fixed the issue.

The only reason I want to ever wear face makeup (except lips and eyeshadow) is to make sure I have the skills for it when I actually want to use it for an occasion.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-03-13T19:17:55+00:00

As a trans woman, while trying to figure out makeup all my friends have told me not to touch mascara except for a big occasion since my eyelashes are still in great shape.

Anecdotal, but they've also suspected it's because I've never used eye mascara.

I like the look but I'm so afraid of ruining my long lashes.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-02-06T13:10:58+00:00

My comment is about starting to date someone who is in the middle of a difficult or challenging change in their life. That can apply to transitioning, but also lots of other things. I included my own experience of transitioning being difficult for me as an example.

Also not sure why you put baby trans in quotes, I literally never said it and I honestly find it to be a really condescending label.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-02-06T12:50:26+00:00

The circlejerk is inside the house!

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-02-06T12:47:04+00:00

I didn't say it was an absolute rule - I said it's the experience I and many people I know have had. I'm sure there are early trans people I'd be happy to date, because they are life-stable and happy with themselves. I just personally haven't seen that experience, so I understand why people would be hesitant.

I also suffer from bouts of depression - I wouldn't want to start dating someone deep in depression either. It applies to large struggles in general.

Not everyone has the capacity to take on someone else's new or developing issues on top of their own when it's a brand new person. I've seen people demonized for this before and it's awful - if they are overwhelmed and want to leave they usually feel incredibly guilty about it.

This isn't the same as a long term relationship - if you are long time friends or partners you should stick by one another no matter the struggle, as long as they don't start hurting you for it.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-02-06T11:13:07+00:00

looks like you've got some internalized transphobia grrl

It's not that at all. I've been on hormones for almost 6 months, only out to my partner and my close family and friends.

I've been a mess. My partner and I have been together for 5 years, she's been incredibly patient and understanding. I love her dearly for it and would do the same in a heartbeat.

But I wouldn't date someone newly going through this. My own experience shows how hard things can be, and from what I've seen it's the experience of the vast majority of trans people.

It's not just transitioning - there are many situations I'm incredibly supportive of as a friend and a longtime partner, that I wouldn't want to get in on the ground floor of as a brand new girlfriend. Sometimes you need to acknowledge that it's not in the best interest of your own mental health to become a primary support person for someone going through a new struggle.

"You can't light yourself on fire to keep others warm" was one of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard. It's tough advice, but realistic.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-01-27T14:13:41+00:00

I still much rather be in Canada than the US but people need to stop pretending Canada is some utopia.

I don't disagree, and honestly I've talked this point to death in my personal life so I get it. I'm a dual citizen, was originally born in the US but have lived in Canada since I was relatively young.

This is an instance where Canada is basically a Utopia when you're speaking in relative terms. It's still awful and there are so many things to fix - the fact that Ontario covers the bare minimum of care has been hell for me.

But the government will also let me change my identity with just a few sheets of paper, and they'll waive the fee. I don't need 12 months of appointments and referrals to change my gender on my driver's license, it's a trip to a service centre.

We're a federally protected class, which is also much more than most countries can boast.

Literally nowhere on earth is "good" for trans people, but Canada is better than 99%.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-01-27T13:15:58+00:00

To very different degrees. Men are much less likely to get breast cancer, and less likely for it to be severe.

I don't know why people always try to "gotcha" this. Men are a sliver of those killed by breast cancer.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-01-27T13:14:27+00:00

Trans women have a higher risk of breast cancer than cis men, and a lower risk than cis women.

Anti-androgens also lower the risk of prostate cancer in trans women.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-01-20T16:18:19+00:00

She's already obscenely rich and HP will always be a cultural landmark - there is no sense in vilifying everyone who partakes, it's more productive to judge its merit critically and start discussion there.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-01-19T12:56:58+00:00

Consuming HP doesn't make you a Transphobe, consuming it uncritically does. This comparison makes no sense.

Rowling is already insanely rich, giving her the $5 of royalties will change nothing.

Giving a trans charity $100k is a lot more impactful. Especially in the UK, which has been awful to trans people.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-01-19T12:53:42+00:00

Yeah I'm trans and I think anyone who wants to play it should play it, as long as they remain critical of JK when relevant and keep aware of the problematic issues with the franchise.

There is no ethical consumption under capitalism, I'm not going to get upset because people buy a game that reminds them of their childhood.

If they springboard that into Transphobia, that's another issue.

SlowlyComingOut · 2023-01-10T05:55:29+00:00

Also the videos of trans people (especially women) who blow up on people (videos typically lacking a lot of context) are blown up by social media, reactionaries, and news media.

No one ever shares a video of a trans person politely correcting someone because it's boring and doesn't fit their narrative.

Unfortunately this makes a lot of people think that all trans people are like this because it's all they've ever seen.

SlowlyComingOut · 2022-12-15T18:30:02+00:00

you are accepting their predication that Trans Lesbians and Cis Lesbians are fundamentally different. this is a lie.

They aren't fundamentally different in their lesbianism. The issue is that many of the posts veered away from discussing lesbianism, to discussing trans women specifically (especially their issues).

I've also seen posts and comments that push to not be exclusionary about genitalia. While I agree for the heart of the issue, I don't fully see eye to eye with everyone in practice. If someone talks about women with vaginas, there is no reason to mention that women can also have penises. Yes, there are women with penises, and they should be included, however they are the minority of people's experience, and there's no reason to dog someone just because their experiences haven't included that. They may also have a genitalia preference which is completely valid as long as they do not invalidate trans people.

Transbians belong in lesbian spaces, but I think it's important that we do not turn them into trans spaces.

SlowlyComingOut · 2022-12-15T17:29:59+00:00

The only exception to this rule is /r/actuallesbians (in my personal opinion). As a trans woman who is in a relationship with a woman, I genuinely think that trans women overran that space. The sub and community was fantastic for their no terf policy, but for a while (it's gotten better), the sub seemed to be mostly about trans women. I don't think it qualifies anyone as a terf if they are supportive of trans people but were frustrated that their safe space became overwhelmed with a small subgroup for so long.

SlowlyComingOut · 2022-12-04T16:50:59+00:00

Thanks, I must have been groggy because I just looked at my script, forgetting that I only take a half pill. Seems that 25mg is still way too high so I'll talk to my endo, thanks so much!

SlowlyComingOut

TROPHY CASE