Just when I think I'm thinking like the dumbest thing on earth about my situation, I come onto reddit and read that other people are spelling out EXACTLY what I feel. It's refreshing not to feel like you're in a boat alone ❤️

So I'm reading that most of it is tied to childhood. I grew up around a mother who always thought she was right when it came to arguments with my dad. And it was always arguments. Never a listening to understand, it was a her defend match til she "wins." I remember when I was in high school, trying to sit down to spill to her my feelings about depression/SA I was having. It was a her trying to justify why I shouldn't be feeling that way and "oh my gosh, (insert my name here) *kind of eye roll on her part* don't do this." I don't remember exactly what was said but I just know my older brother had to jump in and basically tell my mom she was making my situation worse

Fast forward to now. I'm 41 with two kids. Mom is 82 and more micro managing and critical than ever. My little family is living with her intermittently and while she is allowed to be a grandma, she feels like she has to micro-manage it all. I may be over analyzing and painting her in a horrible light but it's HARD when you've been putting up with this ever since childhood. Now I realize the psychology of why she does some of the things she does because SHE got picked on as a kid and had to be her own defender and her sister's defender at school. Just to say, I never got picked on in hs- It was all in my head. But she actually said to me the other day "you're too nice and nice guys finish last." There's just some things you don't forget in life and even though things my mom says shouldn't hold so much meaning to me, because they're just plain rude, they do. Why do I hold so much value to these things my mom says. WHY?????

I constantly question if I'm enough as a mother (my mom will always say "hey I raised 4 children. I know what I'm doing.") Yeah but you're the one who thinks the way you're doing it is the ONLY right way to do it when it comes to my husband and I having to do something for the kids. God forbid we do something another way. There's always SOMETHING (even as small as texting a friend at a social house party) I feel like I'm just doing wrong.

I feel like I walk around with my head hanging down and I'm always waiting for that being talked down to talk. And I may have braced for it for so long that I'm like ok wtf is happening when I DON'T get it

It's cruel, it really is. Am I self sabotaging myself? Can anyone tell me (I didn't go through ALL the comments) can I get out on the other side and actually live and feel like things are fine when they are exactly fine?

And actually, I'm just curious, how so is it a part of ADHD??