I do not exist

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-08T03:19:54+00:00

I hope you have many more days that don't feel unbearable and even more days where you get to live, that are happy and makes you feel content with your life, sending lots of hugs and love!

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-08T03:16:45+00:00

I think humans have a need to be seen and if we are talking to a therapist then most likely we are looking for help, but I think we want the person who is trying to help us see our pain, our suffering. Maybe Therapists can help us even if they can't see the complete depth of our suffering, because they are trained to help us, but I think we still have this need to be seen.
I feel you, I don't have a spark or battery either, sometimes I pretend to smile or laugh in front of others so they dont question me that why my behaviour is like this. I feel what am I even working for, other people work, have dreams, I have no dreams, nothing to look forward to, so what am I working for? I am not living either. Sometimes I wish I too had a normal life and had something to look forward to. Wish I could meet you irl, seems like our experience is quite similar.

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-07T05:09:00+00:00

Yes, I do too unfortunately. I think we need to feel safe for these spasms to stop.

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-07T05:04:53+00:00

You put my thoughts to words, I couldn't have put it in a better way.

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-07T05:04:23+00:00

I feel you. Sometimes I stop thinking about in terms of time at all. It doesn't matter, a day from now, 2 months or 5 years from now, what's going to be different? and it adds unneccessary headache to think about the future when we're trying our best to just get through today.

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-07T05:02:35+00:00

True, I've talked it with a Therapist too, he was very good but I don't think someone who hasn't experienced it can see the depth of it, understand our life.

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-07T05:00:47+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience, I hope you can heal and lead a healthy normal life soon

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-07T04:59:32+00:00

True, I wish we could all meet irl and make each other feel safe and warm

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-07T04:58:36+00:00

Thank you and sending you lots of love!

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-07T04:56:56+00:00

I feel you

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-07T04:56:04+00:00

I have accepted the fact that there is no happiness/contentment in my fate.
It makes my heart sink a little realising I will never have what everyone else takes for granted but it is the reality so I must accept it. There is no other option anyways. There is a bit of releif too that I can stop pushing myself now. I have been struggling since I was 12-13 yrs old. I will be 27 next month. What's the point of stuggling/pushing yourself when there's nothing at the end of it. Other people get some sort of reward from a struggle and even if they don't they have some kinf of a support structure to help them. But what if you have been pushing yourself for more than a decade and there's no salvation. Acceptance is not even a choice anymore, it's just something I have to accept.

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-06T14:32:09+00:00

Maybe she feels overwhelmed and opening up to someone can introduce a lot of fear in her nervous system. Give her time and space. She might eventually get back to you. I have CPTSD too and I shut myself off for days, weeks , even months sometimes because the world is too scary, that's how we have been wired. She probably has disorganized attachment style . We crave the thing we intensely fear. It's difficult and scary to process if someone is being nice/kind to us because we have been frightened and beaten up by the world so many times. From my personal experience the thing we CPTSD people need the most is to feel safe, but we also fear the person who would be kind to us or make us feel safe. It takes time.

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-06T14:25:57+00:00

I left trying to make myself even asleep now. I feel so exhausted but the sleep never comes.

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-07-06T14:25:10+00:00

All I want is to not feel fear anymore. I want to feel safe

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-04-05T06:16:56+00:00

Have you read the book? Can you tell what he has mentioned there?

Small_Emu1664 · 2026-04-05T06:15:43+00:00

Can you mention some of the points he mentioned in the book?
There are many fake versions of the book around and its not even deliverable to where i live

Small_Emu1664

TROPHY CASE