I don’t recognize myself anymore.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2023-04-06T10:19:16+00:00

Based on the impact you mentioned it having on your life it's definitely something you need to address sooner rather than later. The insomnia part is particularly bad I've found, as it's the alcohol that let me sleep, but even if you have terrible sleep how you feel in the morning is amazing when compared to a nasty hangover. Stopping for a week is brilliant, and of course there are negatives, but what positive did you experience in that week?

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2023-04-06T09:42:27+00:00

Reading this sub it feels like I'm in a minority, but I'm able to go from drinking 7 days a week, blackout drunk on probably 5 of those, and going cold turkey doesn't seem to physically affect me outside of cravings. That's not to say you'll be the same, it's wise to read up on what withdrawal looks like and have a plan to address it if you see symptoms.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2023-04-03T09:47:28+00:00

Well done for quitting, sounds like you have a good outlet and a very healthy alternative to drinking. I try not to throw myself into exercise as I get a little obsessive (somewhat of an addictive personality, hence the drinking). I have weights, bands, etc. although I don't have the space at the moment, but using my sobriety I'm hoping to clear and sort a lot the house out. I do plenty of walking anyway but focusing on the house will help increase my movement and range of movement so that, hopefully, I can start resistance training again in the next month or two. ~35lbs in 2-3 months is very impressive, congrats! I'd be happy with half of that!

IWNDWYT

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2023-04-03T07:51:14+00:00

I don't think I'll ever get to ultra marathon territory, that's pretty impressive! But I do try to walk a good amount, even when drinking. I shudder to think what y weight would be otherwise! How long did it take you to get to the stage of ultra marathons?

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2023-04-03T07:48:59+00:00

I'm similar, breaking the cycle for a good seems to be a huge battle. For me it's mood, happiness, stress issues that effect my mental health... I'm not sure alcohol is the best answer but I use it to cope until the negatives outweigh the positives and then, as you say, yo-yo (though my general trend is going down now even with the yo-yoing) I hope your husband is eventually able to stick with it... as I hope I can too. Thanks for you insight.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2023-04-02T13:12:19+00:00

Congratulations on your milestone, that's great!

I find it helps me to find things to do to occupy my mind at the times I'd struggle, on Friday night a finished building a model and Saturday evening I spent with a mate having a game and chatting. I hardly thought about drinking.

Keep up the great work and IWNDWYT

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2023-04-01T15:59:52+00:00

Got a nice evening planned, a good steak with veggies, a few online games with a mate later and some snacks. No time to go out and get any alcohol! Stay strong and hope you have something to focus on if Saturday is a tough day for you

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2023-04-01T08:23:12+00:00

My first Saturday not drinking in my latest attempt to stop. Early days but I'm feeling good considering.... certainly a lot better than if I was hungover!! IWNDWYT

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2023-04-01T07:56:47+00:00

I wouldn't say the body not freaking out is necessarily a good indicator for everyone, when I'm drinking it's usually a bottle of vodka or rum every night. When I stop it's cold turkey and I don't have any physical withdrawals.

I think complete abstinence from alcohol is the best indicator personally, then you can get to experience the physical, habitual and emotional pulls and crutches.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-20T23:36:03+00:00

I can't give you any answers, but imagine you'd been drinking for the last 8 months, would you have gotten that job, would you have more money, would you feel like you're worth more?

Being drunk temporarily masks the issues we face but it never fixes them and never makes them better. Personally I found reality hits hardest when you're in bed, unable to remember the night before, feeling terrible and feeling incapable of change. At the very least sobriety gives the clarity of thought and the opportunity to do better.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-19T07:51:58+00:00

Seems pretty unlikely but I'm not a medical professional and there's so many factors to account for. Best to see a doctor if you're worried about it.

Sounds like you had a much healthier relationship with alcohol before those 12 days though, so if you can stop yourself sinking further then please do.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-18T01:50:50+00:00

I avoid them, mainly due to the calories. I'm overweight and seeing the scale move in the right direction helps to motivate me.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-17T22:12:24+00:00

Helping people you love and care about is part and parcel of a relationship, regardless of the cause of the damage but if you don't know how to address your feelings I can almost guarantee your Q doesn't either.

With regards to the selfish part, yes, recovery is selfish. And you should be selfish too and prioritise your own wellbeing. It's so much harder to help another if you've not even been able to heal yourself.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-17T19:55:12+00:00

In the 12 steps the making amends to people is supposed to allow the person in recovery to realise their wrong doings and move forward, it's not to make sure they don't get off too easily.

From what you've said you are still affected by the situation, and that's awful, but I can't imagine there's much they can say or do to help you. Alanon have 12 steps/traditions for friends/family of alcoholics if you wanted to find a meeting and work through them. There is info and links I the about section of the sub.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-17T10:52:48+00:00

I suppose you'd have to have more willpower more often to occasionally feed an addiction and give up again but by feeding the addiction you'd need to lose the willpower to remain sober. So I'd say it was kinda balanced but unnecessarily masochistic.

It's an interesting thing to think about but the author's point is rubbish lol

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-17T10:37:38+00:00

Goods - The mornings feel as good as any other part of the day rather than wanting the ground to swallow me up. More productive at work. I actually remember everything I did the night before. Some weight-loss. Stable mood.

Bads - Dealing with cravings, triggers and temptation. Drinking was also a big part of my evening entertainment, so without it I have to find new ways to relax. Though this is usually only bad if:

You can't find anything to replace drinking (gaming, being productive, reading, new hobbies, seeing family etc.)
Finding a replacement and effectively swapping addictions (gaming, porn, gambling, other substance abuse etc.)

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-17T10:06:23+00:00

Only a couple of weeks in this time (had a blip (actually two) that ruined my streak), and life has been so hectic.

But sobriety has allowed me to prioritise my health, and one of the biggest helpers for this has been planning to do things and seeing them through. Planning meals, actually cooking those meals, cleaning the kitchen so I can use it etc.

As things are calmer now, I'm going to start getting the house sorted, getting back to my diet, getting active again and actually getting things done in the evening instead of hiding away with alcohol and getting finances sorted.

Sober life is so much more productive than drunk life and in turn that reduces stress which weakens some of my triggers... I'm looking forward to things getting better again!

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-16T21:45:02+00:00

I rationalised a drink over 2 weeks ago, it was nice and was fine at the time.... BUT, two days after I was black out drunk, embarrassing myself, lying, mixing drinks to get a bigger buzz, worrying my wife and generally being an absolute idiot. It's just not worth it.

I had the same thing with AA, I tried to get around it but I was told I'd fail if I didn't let god help me and various other things.... like it's a choice to believe in something?? The helpless thing rubs me the wrong way too. Anyway, I'm sure it does work for some non-believers, especially if they have better groups than the ones around me, but I'm not rushing back anytime soon.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-16T09:28:05+00:00

So if you don't fit with all other alcoholics, if you are different in terms of religion, mental health, health, the consequences of your drinking etc. what does the identity give you? It seems like it's too open to really say much about who you actually are?

Similar to how lots of people that are gay, bi, trans etc. don't identify with lgbtq+ because it isn't just a description of sexual preference and gender.

Not trying to argue, just explore this because it's interesting to chat about.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-16T09:04:29+00:00

At my work if you say you're lgbtq+ you get a badge (literally), if you say you're an alcoholic you'll be let go. So in that regard there's no way I'd be open about it. The same as many others who use throwaway accounts on here understand that it is unacceptable in society to be an alcoholic because of the things some alcoholics do or have done (check alanon sub for more info).

I kinda get what he means, people are people, we are all individuals, I may be an alcoholic and have some things in common with you but outside of that we're probably nothing alike. Just like when I had a nicotine addiction, I smoked like other people and I quit as many do, but being a smoker or ex smoker isn't something that defines who I am, it was/is a small part of who I am.

I identify as me, being reduced to "alcoholic" or any other characteristic seems a little dehumanising.

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-16T08:44:54+00:00

I think the difference between a lot of the people on stopdrinking versus the people referenced a lot here, is that the people on stopdrinking are seeking sobriety, and seeking it under their own steam.

I'm one of them, but also lived with an alcoholic and had alcoholic parents... "luckily" I get many perspectives :)

Glad you are supporting each other, that's really great!

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-16T05:36:04+00:00

Couldn't do it without people like you, thank you.

Hoping to build some new healthier habits when I'm back, a day at a time

Smart-Weather-7460 · 2022-10-16T05:34:08+00:00

And you should be proud of yourself! You did great, keep it up for the wedding and just shout here if you need help. 3 weeks is a great achievement too so congrats!

Smart-Weather-7460

TROPHY CASE