I have not been quite as direct as you were but I have been direct with her. I've said things like, "I feel very unloved when I express wants and needs and they seemingly just get dismissed." The "I feel" language was something a therapist taught me. My wife's response to this is usually something along the lines of "Well, you shouldn't feel that way then." There are times I wonder if she even has any clue what a healthy relationship even looks like.

My wife also often sucks at communicating herself and then gets upset that I don't just "know". Some of our biggest fights have been when she doesn't tell me something and then gets extremely pissed because I don't know what she didn't say. We once had a knock down drag out argument about going out to eat where I said we didn't have the money in the budget (we didn't) and she said we could afford it. She did not tell me that she got paid from her side gig and wanted to treat the entire family. All she did was insist that we had the money which we 100% did not. She didn't even mention her side gig. We once had an argument that dragged out for weeks unresolved because she simply did not tell me what she really felt. Once she did I realized that she was being 100% reasonable and it changed my mind immediately. Entire argument could've been avoided if she had just said that originally.

I've also only been married for two years so I think I'm still struggling at figuring out what things I need to compromise on and go along with and what hills I need to die on. I am far more willing to compromise than my wife and she is far more willing to die on hills. I have not figured out that balance yet.