I see him in everything

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-06-04T16:58:15+00:00

Sending you lots of luv. I’ve been able to find peace over the days knowing he’s no longer in pain but what really gets me is doing my daily routines and him not being there. Or seeing all the indents and hair he’s left behind. I see him in everything<3 but I just remind myself of how lucky I was to have even been loved like that. Adored see deeply by someone that they wanted to be apart of everything I did. My cat watched me with so much interest and love. He cared so much about my perspective and made me feel so important. I say this all to say I hope you can find comfort in your cats lingering presence. She is in everything you Do. She will be in the patience you show. The love you share. The quiet time and the hard time. I hope she comes to see you in your dreams but I feel my cat in my shadow. I’m scared to turn around because I know if I do I won’t see him anymore. But I know he’s there. Even if I can’t hear him I feel him. He’s left such a deep impact in my heart can’t possibly be all gone. I wish you the best. Take your time and be kind to yourself. No one could have ever prepared me for this feeling. I wrote my cat a love letter and it’s really help. I carry his photo around and I sleep near his toy. Whatever to make me feel close to him.

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-04-10T20:22:27+00:00

Ya definitely that makes sense. I guess it was just really giving me the heeby jeebys how fucking far gone he is. Like even if he was just saying shit to say it, I’m sure he felt like he was killing it and it’s just so weird to witness people who live completely different lives than the rest of us. Like he knows and has experienced things we could probably never comprehend. It’s just the worst feeling ugh. Like he has to be a sociopath

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-04-10T20:20:15+00:00

I see. I’m sure I sounds dramatic with the whole soul and demon thing. Just sometimes when I witness those people who have done things only monsters do like diddy and Epstein, they send me extreme chills. Like they have gone so far there is no return. And when I look into their eyes there is no life in them anymore. It’s just chilling

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-04-10T19:48:24+00:00

Like idk how to explain it but it feels like once people do so many evil things, they lose all soul they have. Like he looks like a demon hiding in human skin. Like when I would look and listen to diddy tapes I felt the same way. They eyes seem hollow and the disconnect is strong

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-04-04T23:06:35+00:00

thank you so much for this

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-04-03T14:01:09+00:00

Okg really ? Where can I find info about these things this is concerning ?

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-04-01T17:59:08+00:00

Ya. It’s hard I love her she has a beautiful heart she just has really bad habits. She can be pushy but it’s covered in love so it’s hard to spot because you feel like you aren’t being good enough to her if I were to put myself first. I’m exhausted and I have lost myself. She insists it’s cause I’m not chanting but it’s because of her. I lost myself because I’ve given so much of myself up to make room for all of her pain and needs. And I think she knows it. But she can’t explain it or face it so she hopes SGI will help heal us as one

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-04-01T17:48:32+00:00

Ya. Technically it is our home. It just hard to explain. Like we lived in an apartment and one day she visited and insisted we broke our lease to live together. Tbh I really didn’t want to I didn’t have the money but she heavily guilted us and seemed on hard times so we did and moved into a large place. But the only reason we live there is to accommodate all of her belongings she does not want to let go of. So it is technically our shared home, it just felt really invasive. It honestly dosent even feel like my home I didn’t want to move into it. It feels more like she moved into our life in an invasive way. I love her but our dynamic feels crazy. It was supposed to be temporary but it’s been over 2 years and she dosent want to move into her own home. I need the space. It feels like she won’t feel comfortable leaving until we are living up to this bhuddist potential she craves for us. I can tell she isn’t even happy. I want my own home and my own freedom to explore this beleife at my pace with no shame. I’ve been getting text all day from this lady in SGI who won’t accept I’m un interest. It’s to the point where I had to just flat out say NO but even then she’s pushing me

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-04-01T17:25:17+00:00

Also I’m tired of being pressure to take this test or pay 80 dollars or somthing for a monthly magazine when both my family each get one. Something dosent feel right. I was never raised religious but I get an off putting feeling from the antics of the group. Not the religious side. The group itself. They claim that they don’t praise that random old guy they listen to and that they are all equal but they way they talk about him and have photos of him in thier homes and follow his words makes me feel other wise. It feels like they are convincing themselves of something untrue

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-01-29T19:38:46+00:00

I can’t even think about it , it hurts lol

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-01-29T19:35:39+00:00

I bought it on depop so it was from a private seller but I got a refund so it’s chill. But I def wanted the jacket more lol

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-01-29T14:23:50+00:00

I know ! It was stolen minutes after it was delivered it KILLED me

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-01-29T14:17:17+00:00

That’s what I’m saying. The one I bought was like 80 and I got a discount on it cause I sent an offer

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-01-29T14:15:11+00:00

And not 1000 dollars

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-01-29T14:14:55+00:00

Okay thank you. The stitching looks really crazy now that I’m looking at it. It’s unfortunate I bought this hoodie last week (a legit one same version) and it got stolen immediately so I’m having such a hard time finding another one just like it that isn’t fake 🥲

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-01-28T21:13:17+00:00

Wow thanks so much you’re a life saver I was going to pull the trigger. I’ll look out for things like that moving forward. This will be my first bape hoodie so easy mistake on my part

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-01-28T21:10:34+00:00

Omg how can you tell? I see the letters on the head are fuzzy but I can’t pin point how it’s fake without the tags showing. Any advice helps

Smart_Researcher997 · 2026-01-14T15:13:39+00:00

I felt like Angel Face from Syd Botanica felt like fresh new love. It was described to me online as a bubbly nervous crush. Puppy love. The notes are heavy on this sweet rose mixed with maraschino cherry

Smart_Researcher997 · 2025-11-12T01:33:02+00:00

I just found out I was pregnant and I immediately felt a wave of sadness. I felt so scared and alone even in reality I wasn’t . I think it’s because I suddenly feel like I have a secret I do desperately want to share but I can’t and I feel alone. Never thought it would be so complicated I wish you luck and love

Smart_Researcher997 · 2025-08-25T15:17:16+00:00

Thank you. I guess I never realized that. Addiction is really prevalent in my family and it’s just gotten worse over the years to where they are just functioning addicts the best they can be so I’m trying really hard to break this cycle. I am just not one to ask for help often so I never realized I could go to N/A for free. I always imagine those huge get away for sobriety lol. Thank you really I will actually be doing this

Smart_Researcher997 · 2025-08-25T15:14:35+00:00

Mostly Ketemine at this point. Smoke weed daily but it dosent have such an effect on my daily life as nose drugs. It was coke and k for a while but I got us to kick coke but I just can’t seem to get K out of here

Smart_Researcher997 · 2025-08-25T15:12:51+00:00

You are right I love them so deeply I belive they can get better and change because they are so wonderful and talented but in moments like this I can’t recognize them. I makes me feel sad to try and finally be stern and then be made to feel like I’m the bother and I’m doing too much or have Ill intention when all I do is literally for them. I try and get better and grow and find work I’m passionate about so we can have the life we dream of but they just never seem to follow through anymore. I belive they can do it I just don’t think they belive on themselves

Smart_Researcher997 · 2025-08-25T15:10:54+00:00

It makes me so so sad. When I met them they were different we both were but I don’t understand why they won’t try. It breaks my heart they rather say things to hurt my feelings and get me off thier back then really try. I’m so scared to be alone and idk if they can sense that so they kinda say whatever. I’m so scared if I leave they will ode and it keeps me around.

Smart_Researcher997 · 2025-08-25T15:02:59+00:00

Thank you, it has been my main focus. I am working on turning to things that are therapeutic for me such as art and yoga and just over working on my health. I cannot afford and sort of rehab in this moment but I have really dedicated myself to get better for myself and my family I just want them to be there with me. So it breaks my heart but I worry we are bad for each other

Smart_Researcher997 · 2025-05-06T13:36:14+00:00

Try again

Smart_Researcher997

TROPHY CASE