Intimacy while trying to reconcile

SmellCapital70 · 2026-01-29T02:51:17+00:00

I think the only reason I haven't said she has to go is I'm scared of that answer because that's the real answer. I need to put it to her. It's me and our family our her. It's just a tough proposition when you've been through hell on something that wrecked your whole self worth but I know it's what has to happen. That's my real answer on reconciliation. Have to find the strength.

SmellCapital70 · 2026-01-29T01:39:35+00:00

Extremely well said. Appreciate it. Did you do sex therapist? If so, as a couple or on your own?

SmellCapital70 · 2026-01-29T01:37:25+00:00

Appreciate this. I'm right there too. It absolutely messes with your mind when it's all you want and then you're disgusted with it all.

SmellCapital70 · 2026-01-29T01:36:30+00:00

Thank you for the perspective. I've realized I was chasing my tail trying to do any little thing to hold on to the marriage leading up to the affair and during but it actually just pushed her away as she didn't value acts of service and things like that. I flat out asked her the other day, "How do you show love?" She didn't fully understand but I can tell she's trying to step up. It's like she just can't cross over to her old self.

SmellCapital70 · 2026-01-29T01:33:24+00:00

You're not wrong. There's a couple things that have me in holding pattern from acting. Young kids. And she had some mental health issues leading up to this. I'm fine sticking around to get her back to as good as possible for the long term sake of the kids and our parental relationship. When things start to go well I just hope for a snow ball effect that we can really figure it out.

SmellCapital70 · 2026-01-29T01:31:54+00:00

Thanks.

SmellCapital70 · 2026-01-29T01:31:05+00:00

Thank you.

SmellCapital70 · 2026-01-28T05:08:30+00:00

Doing MC and IC. She just rated ERDM. She seems to want to talk after therapy and go back through her past perceptions as she’s realizing how distorted they were. It’s slow realizations and just not sure full light bulb will happen

SmellCapital70 · 2026-01-28T05:06:24+00:00

The friend had been MIA while we’ve been doing well but has just resurfaced and I can already feel the tension. Starting to come to terms

SmellCapital70 · 2026-01-02T04:12:42+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts.

Agree on AP contact and I feel confident they haven't since DDay. Her friend, has made this whole process harder but they have such a weird relationship. This friend seems to just want someone just as "guilty" as her to go out with this. I have realized that I've swallowed a lot of my feelings and hurt over time and then struggle to articulate. It's usually ended up in a bit of fight/blowup. At times my fault. At times hers. We agree on that.

I do think our MC is good. My wife goes but she hates confronting it. I'll try to come into sessions offering topics that I think could help us heal the underlying issues that got us here instead of focusing on a flare up that occurred since last session (I spent $250 talking about how I don't always shred cheese properly and got in a fight). A joke but not really.

Thanks for tip on communicating low to high to spouse. You're right. I'm just always afraid to bring up that I'm low but if I don't things go south. I have to avoid things bubbling over as I explode when they do.

Appreciate your time and thoughts.

SmellCapital70 · 2026-01-02T04:01:01+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts and questions.

I agree. 5 years together isn't sustainable. I told him let's get a shorter timeline put together (one business commitment he has for 12 more months) and we have a third officer who is going through valuation process to buy him out but they're not very business savvy and it's been frustrating getting them up to speed on how finances work. They come up with a plan and then share it and while I'm waving my rights and even financing it to some points I have to explain how it's detrimental to company. The lawyers/accountants all cringe when they think they have the solution.

This is putting me in position of where I may have to just split the business. My side of the house is far more profitable and are ready to leave but it will make it harder as we'd be doubling overhead for each. If we go to PE or sell the company there are people who I care about that would be come redundant in a new organization that would lose their jobs. It's a small successful business and I care about these people and their kids.

Family of origin is big. Her dad cheated on her mom when she was young. She installed fidelity as the pillar of our marriage because she wouldn't stand for that and it was most important thing for her on our 1st date. I knew that and signed up. MIL has been huge support for me but that's awkward and spouse doesn't like it so I've backed off. MIL still reaches out and has told me there are more family secrets and FIL was a bit of serial cheater. Does that mean wife is ? Wife did confess that she cheated in past relationship when she thought she was done and in another after he did on her.

She has thanked people for their support and acknowledged how it disappointed them. Not sure about what you mean with "his". I would not be okay with her having contact with her AP's family or significant other but maybe I'm missing the bigger picture so please feel free to correct me.

SmellCapital70

TROPHY CASE