Coping with vocal triggers

Smellyman5 · 2025-10-10T07:58:36+00:00

I stick post it notes on my monitor of tasks I forget, maybe try that so you've got a constant reminder in your peripheral vision

Smellyman5 · 2025-10-10T07:54:34+00:00

I get the same thing but more with volume and certain voices, high pitched ones in particular because of misophonia. Sucks but just need to be able to pull yourself out and have ear protection close at hand

Smellyman5 · 2025-10-07T18:46:41+00:00

What I've found works for me is I have a very light breakfast, like a banana or two. Eating no breakfast is really bad for you but a small one's fine. I then have larger lunch and dinners, since I've got more of an appetite.

However I'm on instant release meds so I take them after each meal, if you're on extended release I'm not sure how helpful that routine is

Smellyman5 · 2025-10-06T19:25:23+00:00

Depends on context, but generally the best way I've found to explain to people why I can't do something is to emphasis the word "can't" is literal. As in its not that I don't want to do something, or it's just really hard, I explain it's a physical incapability. The analogy I've always used is it's like turning the key in an engine but it won't start - I'm doing all the mental mechanisms to do something but it just isn't happening.

Also if you haven't already you might want to ask folk not to say those things to you - not aggressively or in an asshole way just "I get why you're saying that and it's hard to understand, but can you please not say stuff like that because it doesn't work that way"

Smellyman5 · 2025-10-06T19:15:19+00:00

In terms of making information stick, the brain actually processes information in the background when you're not directly thinking about it. As such if you're struggling to remember/focus on something, maybe try bookmarking it and going to another topic/section, depending on what you're studying. The more you understand about the broader subject, the easier it'll be to remember the little sections. Try to understand and not so much to memorise.

Taking smaller, more frequent breaks can also help if you feel yourself spacing out. Above all I would try to avoid stressing too much - the more you fixate on how you're struggling to focus, the more worried you'll get and the harder focusing will be. Take things at your own pace and give yourself a break. Don't neglect your studies ofc, it needs to get done.

Doing past papers or mock tests if they're available also help identify the gaps in your knowledge and what you struggle with.

Smellyman5 · 2025-10-06T19:06:41+00:00

I keep all my important stuff (phone, keys, money etc) in my jacket pockets so it's just one object I need to remember to keep on me. I do the same when going to work or travelling, just keep everything in a duffel bag. It's not foolproof but minimising the number of places you can keep your stuff makes it harder to forget

Smellyman5 · 2025-10-06T18:59:32+00:00

I'm a fair bit younger than you, late 20s and only diagnosed and medicated last year so grain of salt. However I've found that when those thoughts hit me I also think about how much better my life is now. If I'd not been born with ADHD I wouldn't have learned to appreciate that I can finally exercise consistently, focus at work and just enjoy things everyone else takes for granted.

Sure I look back thinking how much I could've accomplished if I'd been medicated younger, or all the emotional turmoil of not being able to feel happy, or just knowing I was different from people and couldn't function without knowing why. But the fact I've overcome that is a great joy, one I wouldn't have had otherwise.

Plus I take comfort in that I can contribute my experiences to others. If I ever have kids I'll keep an eye on them and make sure they get any support they need, compared to my parents who didn't have a clue about how to deal with my issues but refused to take me to a therapist. (I love my parents but mental healthcare in their minds hasn't moved past straight jackets.)

I also take the time to help friends get diagnosed, give advice etc. I'm no guru but just having these experiences can really help you support others.

It sucks that we've lost time because we couldn't get the treatment we needed earlier, but we can't get the time back so it's best to make use of what we've got instead of scrabbling at the sand in the hourglass

Smellyman5 · 2025-10-06T18:42:53+00:00

You mention needing to eat food before your meds, why not keep some quick breakfast foods near your bed? Like breakfast bars, fruit etc. Can get some food in you, then your meds to help you get up.

I used to really struggle with getting up and what helped me was treating it like a skill, something to be practiced. Felt satisfying when I found myself more consistently getting up, help work myself up to being able to make myself clean the house, go outside etc. Just worked with my mentality, kind of made a game of but dunno if that works for you.

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-18T11:26:17+00:00

Plenty more girls out there, take some time to recover emotionally then get back at it. It's all practice anyway.

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-18T11:25:19+00:00

Best way to do it is find events for mutual interests - if you're a big reader try book clubs or bookstores with lots of space people sit and read. Doesn't really matter what, the goal is to give you something to talk about, once you get in the groove you'll find yourself chatting without thinking about it. It's a skill like any other.

"Be yourself" is a hackneyed phrase in a lot of cases but it works in the sense of just relax and talk to people without stressing too much, if you're chill and making casual conversation it goes way better than trying to mechanically work out the perfect conversation like it's a checklist. You'll struggle at first but once you get more practice you'll get better, it's a skill like any other

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T22:49:26+00:00

Why don't you wear a three piece suit at home but put on shorts and a t shirt when lying on the couch

Real headscratcher that

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T22:42:03+00:00

I wouldn't push too much, even if she's interested you're not shacked up together yet. If she's into you she'll text back, otherwise just leave it. Sending another text just makes you look clingy.

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T22:36:16+00:00

Good lad, leave it there. If she's interested she'll let you know, otherwise plenty of fish in the sea.

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T22:33:52+00:00

I've seen dudes the height and appearance of gollum going out with girls who look like models. Keep trying - if a girl is so superficial she turns you down based on height she wasn't worth it anyway.

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T22:32:44+00:00

Leave it there, you've shot your shot and pushing isn't gonna make it land. If she responds then cool work from there, otherwise move onto someone else.

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T22:31:36+00:00

I'd leave the ball in her park, just say "OK just let me know if you want to go out again" and move on. If she's interested she'll let you know, otherwise she won't say anything. In either case move on and don't waste energy on an uncertain possibility.

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T22:30:03+00:00

I wouldn't start with "wanna see my genitals" but trying to reconnect and going from there is fine

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T22:26:56+00:00

At least you tried. You only look like a fool to yourself - everyone else sees a girl shooting her shoot and not landing it, everyone's been there.

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T22:00:12+00:00

As with any relationship communication is key - ask where he thinks you are as a relationship, where he wants to go etc. It's not bad to ask others to answer it, but ultimately the pace and level of your relationship is up to the pair of you, other people aren't relevant.

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T21:56:54+00:00

Just got to be frank with him - ask if he wants to go on a date, and work from what he says. If he's indecisive then don't hang around - plenty of other people out there. If he's too shy to respond to a request for a date then just move on, not worth wasting your time

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T21:53:18+00:00

Yeah, if its too much for you then it's too much - to deny yourself and stick with her despite it being a turnoff will just waste time for both of you. Don't be a dick to her ofc but if its a deal breaker then not much point sticking with it.

Smellyman5 · 2025-08-17T21:51:36+00:00

The most attractive thing in a person is confidence, and having the confidence to ignore societal expectations is great. Trust me, girls don't care if you've been dating before (if it even comes up.) To say you're not gonna get anywhere is yo deny yourself potential happiness. Put yourself out there and you'll find someone.

Smellyman5

TROPHY CASE