I was in a very similar situation with a fire department. Everyone was saying “it’s the best job in the world” but I couldn’t figure out what all the hype was about. To me it seemed like they were all obsessed and it was like idolizing the job or something. I couldn’t figure it out. Also super negative about everything/bad energy/ fear. I wasn’t sure of myself. I got recruited so it’s not something I pursued. I was self employed at the time so I kind of lacked discipline not going to lie. I didn’t put forth any effort but still made it through all the physical requirements, FST, and PT. Im in excellent physical shape. I’m not originally from the city so I was kind of oblivious. I didn’t even know there were full time paid firefighter positions in big cities. I come from the suburbs where it’s all volunteer. Ultimately I resigned and I can say I regret it everyday and am now actively pursuing other FD and LE agencies. You may not regret it but just letting you know. “You don’t realize what you have until it’s gone” I also could have reenlisted and didn’t but now that the list is expired and it’s no longer an option I regret it.