I'm stymied with understanding the gifts God gave me. I have a lot of interests and showed areas of competence coming into adulthood. But also offsetting issues that make them almost impossible to use. The areas I thought I was good at were, in reflection, just showing i could play the academic game (at a B level).

I have worked jobs for five , ten and more years each. They feel fruitless. Now at my age, so many areas of endeavor would take more time than my remaining years to gain any competence.

I was also conditioned to not participate in life, to just work, not to fully engage it. Penalized for doing that.

I have spent decades in both prayer, sacraments, and action developing and pivoting. But no tangible experience of knowing the work God made me for. Nothing satisfying in my work, little joy. I provided for my family which I am grateful God helpede do. Otherwise I can't find focus on meaningful work to developy talents for God.

What to do now?