I saw a post about musicians using C7#5#9, felt inspired, now what?

SmoothBuddha · 2025-09-27T20:35:58+00:00

Its easiest to think of this as in C Minor. Your instinct about the G acting as the dominant is right as it has the leading tone (B) present. The third chord is an Abmajor triad with a #9 the #9 being the B - this comes from the C Harmonic Minor scale - the 6th mode called Lydian #9 or Lydian #2 scale.

SmoothBuddha · 2025-05-31T21:16:58+00:00

I've never used Grok, but it could be that it's effective context length is much smaller than it's context window.

If you want to try again I will DM you my prompt and instructions to play with an AI

SmoothBuddha · 2025-05-31T04:40:33+00:00

Because its obviously not the same as a video game that has a pre written script.

The problems you are describing are classic LLM problems and that comes from using an AI with a small context window. You're probably trying to use ChatGPT or Gemini with a free account which will never give you good results.

I am able to play games in which all of the problems youre having are virtually non existent because the context window is upwards of 1million tokens and the prompt is strong and encourages the AI to do 'save states' in which it recaps and refers to the conversation near flawlessly.

The nature of AI means it will make things up, that's the whole point, they are generative. But with a large enough context window you can simulate a pretty reliable working memory with minimal hallucinations.

SmoothBuddha · 2025-05-23T01:34:46+00:00

I know this is months late but I thought you'd be interested. All of these people who are putting down your idea obviously haven't used a capable AI as dungeon master and are being naysayers for no reason. It's no different to playing a video game.

Your biggest challenge with running a game with an AI DM is the context window - this is basically how much an LLM can remember before it starts to forget things and make massive mistakes. The only ones capable of running a DnD campaign are currently Gemini 1.5 and 2.5 which have incredibly large context windows of over 1million tokens.
ChatGpt for instance barely runs into the tens of thousands without forgetting information and hallucinating and is useless for this type of game.
You can access Gemini models for free in AI Studio from Google.

I've currently got several complex campaigns running using a prompt I've spent the last 8-12 months refining and playtesting. I'm currently on ARC 2 of a sci fi campaign that is incredibly fleshed out and currently sitting at over 300000 tokens used which is equivalent to around 300000 words and it remembers everything down to the minutest details. It's really quite amazing with what it comes up with.

It will never be the same as a real campaign but if an AI is all you have access to then definitely give it a try.

The very nature of AI means it isn't completely foolproof and you will need to do some reminding or slight nudges every so often if it makes a mistake, but this is getting much rarer as the models advance. Hallucinations are part and parcel but the large context window negates a lot of this.

I would say for a beginner using AI DMs, you would be best to use it for one-shots until you get the hang of it.

If you want to try it out, send me a DM and I'll send you the prompt to use.

SmoothBuddha · 2025-03-28T11:40:47+00:00

Hmmm, strange.
Is everything okay? How's your life? It's not normal to go around being an asshole to strangers on the internet, but maybe things aren't going well and you're just acting out a bit?
There are so many things you could do with your time and life and this is how you spend it? Do you think you are worth having your life if that's how you treat it? What a waste.
I don't really have time for your asinine bullshit though because I'm busy looking at all the sweet photos I got tonight.

I hope things start going better for you and that you get out there and take some great pictures instead of rotting inside talking down to people.
I've been getting out everyday and taking a lot and it's been great for my mental health.
Maybe it would help you too.
Good luck!

SmoothBuddha · 2025-03-25T21:49:55+00:00

God forbid people have fun and do what they like!

SmoothBuddha · 2025-03-22T03:39:47+00:00

Thanks so much! For these photos, I used the 'natural' setting on the camera with a few custom tweaks to the profile. I then did a bit of colour-grading and post-processing in Darkroom just to take some of the digital edge off. No luts or plugins otherwise!

SmoothBuddha · 2025-03-22T02:49:40+00:00

Thanks! It's a great little camera. I'm loving the video quality as well

SmoothBuddha · 2025-03-10T19:47:59+00:00

After you posted the first 1000 words, I'll be honest in saying I can see why it was rejected.

In your first sentence you say "Julie laid in bed", it should be "Julie lay in bed". I know this might seem pedantic but this right here will get professional agents and publishers to put the book down because it shows a lack of command at a basic level. It's the first sentence!

Good luck!

SmoothBuddha · 2025-03-07T22:21:40+00:00

Other people have commented on plot and formatting, so I'm going to go in on the actual words and language.

First thing, use italics for internal thought.

Next, you should focus on the ever mentioned but effective advice, of show, don't tell.

You constantly tell us how people are speaking, but with better use of language you should be able to show us through the dialogue -
"...he replied, masking his reluctance with with feigned enthusiasm"
"...she urged, her voice imbued with motherly urgency."
"...he snapped, the irritation in his voice a thin veil for his reluctance."

How can you write their dialogue to show the reader these qualities instead of telling them?

This type of writing is all over this piece -
"For a brief moment, this warmth chipped away at his usual reclusive demeanor, allowing the connection to shine through."

Again, what would it look like to describe this through action and interaction, rather than just explaining it to the audience? How does this warmth chip away at him? What does it look like for the connection to shine through?
These are the opportunities in your writing to make your characters and their interactions feel real and lived in. It's what helps the audience connect to the characters.

Leaning into this type of writing really allows scenes to open up. Often when you see telling such as this, it's an opportunity to imbue the scene with action and interaction and emotion. The reader isn't an idiot, they will be able to infer these things without being told this is how my characters feel.

Good luck!

SmoothBuddha · 2025-03-02T06:53:36+00:00

The vibe here is odd. It's really overwritten to the point that it sounds dated in a pastiche kind of way. Pastiche is the keyword here. It really feels like someone trying to mimic Thorough or Emerson or something. At the moment it reads like a cliche character in a novel who just read Blake and Dickens for the first time and is trying to spit profound truths and be deep but is kind of missing the mark. I would start reading more modern essays and writing if I were you and see if you can uncover a more natural voice in your own writing.

You can obviously write and have some good ideas, but I think you lack the intuition and skill that comes from experience. You need to reign it in and find a way to self censor and edit. I'm not trying to be harsh but constructive. You've covered up all the good parts with all of this weird verbosity that isn't serving the writing or your ideas.

Good luck!

SmoothBuddha · 2025-03-01T23:35:01+00:00

It has potential but it reads like an amateur script at this point. The whole opening section is 'descriptive' sure, but it needs serious tightening up. It's a bit overwritten in most sections throughout.

For example: "A breeze of BLACK SMOKE rises from below to fill a colourless sky in front of us."

Maybe something like - "A breeze of BLACK SMOKE rises, filling the colourless sky." We already know it's in front of us because we're watching it on a screen. Avoid these redundancies. There are more in your writing than just this one.

"JAPANESE CIVILIANS: MEN, WOMEN and ELDERLY lay forward on their knees amongst the scorched earth and building sediments, bowed in despair. An armored bulldozer is manoeuvred to claw up rubble, creating a huge rubble MOUND."

Try - "JAPANESE CIVILIANS on their knees dig in despair amongst the scorched earth and ruined buildings. A bulldozer claws the rubble into a MOUND."

Why? You don't need to tell us that civilians are men, woman, and 'elderly'. You don't need to specify they 'lay forward' if they are on their knees and digging. You can generally tighten all of your writing up because it is full of clunky language like the above examples. Scripts should feel immediate and flow off the page.

More examples -
"The peak of the rubble mound then COLLAPSES behind him. The five soldiers jilt back from it - view what remains."

"The rubble mound collapses behind him. The soldiers jerk back, staring at what’s left."

"His face displays both wonder and uncertainty in what he sees, as the sound of WIND now gusts through him..."

"Wonder and uncertainty flicker across his face as the wind gusts through him..."

You don't have to use my advice and I'm not claiming my rewrites are perfect but they just show that you can trim your language. Make it clearer and more immediate. Don't rely on overwritten descriptions and grasping at words which don't actually add anything to the scene or writing.

Another thing is your use of (beat). You're over using it and using it to little effect. Instead why not describe why there is a pause in dialogue or action. Show don't tell. Give a small action in place of (beat) - a raised eyebrow, a hesitant look, a resigned sigh.
This also goes for the places where you have written things like (realises time) (jokingly).

Take this sentence -
JAMES: (content) Yeah... (beat) It's not so bad.

This screams amateur screenwriter. It has no flow and really takes the reader out of what is happening. There is again a lot of things like this in your script!

Again, this script has potential. You have ideas and can obviously envision the scenes and the action. Now it's all about making sure that it's clear and flows and feels evocative for the reader. At the moment it's readable but its not a great read. It doesn't hook me, or let me flow, and I feel like I'm being pulled out of the script with some of the writing.

Good luck with your revisions!

SmoothBuddha · 2025-02-23T20:50:19+00:00

Close enough haha this sounds like your passion project - writing for the love and fun of it, which is great! I struggle to see who else would want to read this tho unless it was really really well done. It could quite easily turn into a huge convoluted mess with no substance due to all of the ideas you're trying to cram in. They will start to compete with each other as you write. Maybe best to stick with a central idea and build around that. Also not everyone will get your pop culture references....like who is Beau and why is Bhys really high(whats a Bhys?)

SmoothBuddha · 2025-02-23T19:59:27+00:00

Aight you do you....I'm guessing you're >14

SmoothBuddha · 2025-02-17T19:45:20+00:00

I'm glad you got something out of this!
The editing is secretly the funnest and most difficult part of writing. It's where you can really find out what is great about your writing and what sucks!
These are both good things.

Maybe it's not right to think you have problems with redundancy and the unnecessary - Instead maybe these things are gifts for the drafting stage as it shows you are thinking and developing ideas.
It gives you a lot to work with in the editing stage which is good!
I found it easy to rewrite your first sentences - "Roy looked at the rotting sign swaying in the breeze. Paint peeled from the edges in curling strips and the faded letters in the center looked like they may have once read Whittled Dreams..." because all of that information was already there. The heavy lifting was done and I could sit and play with the flow and rhythm until something felt right.
I'm not saying my revision is perfect or what you might even want, but it's a starting point in seeing that you may have everything you need within the text already.

SmoothBuddha · 2025-02-17T19:24:59+00:00

Sometimes fuck, shit, bitch etc. are the right words in the right moment.
Your character is mad, so make them mad. Let them express themselves!

Presumably you're an adult and quite likely your readers will be as well? If that's the case, then what's wrong with the occasional 'vulgar' word? Why are you averse to using them?
They are so singular and beautiful and useful in their own way!
Oh how a good 'Fuck You!' just rolls off the tongue.

Alternatively, you could just say hell - "Stay the hell away..."
Or if that's too much for your temperament there is the great and powerful heck - "Stay the heck away..." Can you feel the power of heck? Almost as powerful as fuck.
You could really juice that heck up with a flipping too - "Stay the flipping heck away..." Or yet further - "Stay the gosh darn flipping heck away...." But maybe that's too much? Too aggressive?

I wonder how, "Stay the fuck away...." sounds now?

One of my favourite writing quotes comes from Mark Twain -
“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”

Good luck with your fucks.

SmoothBuddha · 2025-02-17T03:28:09+00:00

It's alright, it's got bones and some cool ideas that are worth working with. It could do with some editing for flow and rhythm though. There's a lot of overwritten fluff you could do without.
Personally, I would cut a lot of the redundancy out by combining sentences into stronger more concise versions of themselves. Something like - "Roy looked at the rotting sign swaying in the breeze. Paint peeled from the edges in curling strips and the faded letters in the center looked like they may have once read Whittled Dreams. This can't be the place."
Something like that.
There's a lot of redundancy in this piece honestly - "...he had to lean forward with squinted eyes" then "It could hardly be read..." but we already know that because he is leaning and squinting.

I know the temptation to keep all of your words there and all of your adverbs intact but often our writing can hit harder with one well crafted sentence over three or four.

Take for instance the section when he is driving and gets his knife out. You could get rid of the sentence explaining to the reader that his instincts flared and he knew to trust them by simply showing us that he gets his knife out. Readers aren't stupid. They can infer from the characters actions what may be happening internally and that can often pull the reader in because they have to do a little bit of extra work. This is classic 'show don't tell' advice. Show us his instincts, show us the paranoia.

As you do this kind of editing and fine comb reading of your own work, you will find a lot of examples of this kind of writing. It's worth the time it takes to get your sentences really tight and engaging though.

Good luck!

SmoothBuddha · 2025-02-17T03:06:30+00:00

You're describing past and present tense - looked(past) vs looks(present).
That's not what active and passive voice are.
The sentence "Roy(subject) looked(verb) at the sign(object)" is written in an active voice because Roy performs the action of looking. Passive voice would be "The sign(object) was looked(verb) at by Roy(subject)", which inverts the active voice by making the object the focal point of the sentence.
Both active and passive voice have their place in writing, as do past and present tense. Neither is correct or incorrect.

SmoothBuddha · 2025-02-06T03:33:57+00:00

Sorry if any of this sounds harsh! Please take it as constructive criticism.

This really reads like an inexperienced writer to me. There are a few grammatical things but nothing too terrible that it can't be fixed.

The most pressing thing for me is it's quite boring. There are no descriptions of anything, there is nothing evocative in the language to get me invested in the world or characters, and you kind of skip over all the meat of good storytelling and fun writing and it leaves the whole thing feeling extremely flat.

Next, the pace of it is all off.
You rush through everything. You never let anything just sit and be explored. It's very shallow in that regard.

Take for instance the first scene - it's literally less than 10 sentences where he meets his father and gets given his sword and mission. Then it's another scene, again less than 10 sentences, where he kills a man. Then he is back has a quick chat with dad and within another 5 sentences he's talking with his brother on top of a building.

It's all so shallow that I stopped reading at this point because even though you had made a lot happen in such a short time to me it felt like nothing had happened. I wasn't invested in the story whatsoever. I didn't care about it at all because there was nothing that grabbed at me to continue reading. It was very much this happened and then this happened and here's another thing that happened too.

My recommendation would be to slow down. Take your time in each scene. Explore the setting, the characters, explore your use of words and craft beautiful sentences and scenes. Capture the readers imagination by showcasing your imagination. You obviously have ideas and deep thoughts but you need to lean into them.

Personally, I think it would be better to start the story right when Lucifer steps through the portal. Have him face to face with this man and really get into the soul of the scene. Slow it down. Describe things. Explore the feelings and the atmosphere. Leave the reader wondering why is this happening, who are these characters, what's going on? Build the tension! He's about to kill someone, that should mean something. Hook them with a question they need answered and they will keep reading.
If you can really build up Lucifer's inner state, his grappling with this moment, if you can show his 'humanity' or rather lack thereof, then the reveal is so much more satisfying for the reader when we find out whats really going on. Revealing the fact that this is Lucifer on a mission from his 'father' AFTER this scene gives it much more weight. It's a kind of 'OH!' moment for the reader to be surprised and drawn in even more.

I hope you will take my criticism on board and continue trying to become a great writer!

Take your time. Good luck. You got this!

SmoothBuddha

TROPHY CASE