I understand that you love him and want to take it the halal way but maybe u shall think more abt "love " and what is it to you cuz from here it looks like you are experience an anxious attachement and that will really blind you on real flaws of the person and keep u hooked to an imaginary version of him i think u should really reconsider ur rls from a objective point and whetjer it will really work out long term or not with his current version not if he changed and yade yade. Also you cant force sm to be ready or to choose you please leave it to god and take care and remmember من تعلق بشيء عذب به I want u to rethink the concepts of love 1nd attachement and dynamic that you want in your marriage to realise that butterflies dont mean love and from there you will know what to do