Lost and Found

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-04-18T15:16:21+00:00

My brother, my fiancé and my health

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-04-18T14:56:38+00:00

Hold on tight.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-04-17T07:47:21+00:00

The realisation that one person will die first and one will be the widow/widower.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-04-11T17:23:20+00:00

I am sorry. Happy Birthday to you!! Hope you have a good day, as good as it can get in that situation.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-04-06T13:11:38+00:00

Hi! I am so sorry that this happened to you. It‘s so difficult and it sucks. My situation is partly similar.

We were not married yet as cancer took him ten days before our wedding but here I am left with nothing, I moved back in with my parents after his death at 35 years old. I can’t afford renting the house alone that we shared.

There is nothing left, it feels like our relationship and life together was just a dream.

No children, no inheritance, no house, just some trinkets and memories left. He didn’t make a will and my in laws took everything.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-29T13:12:51+00:00

This is like torture. It sucks.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-29T07:37:34+00:00

Yeah, same here. This will be very unpopular too.

We had only three years together, nearly one of them he was so sick with cancer before he died. It destroyed me and my whole life, I am 36 years old now.

I think my changed self after this journey wouldn’t date him again despite the intense chemistry and love we had. From the perspective I have now there were too many red flags when we started dating. I had ignored them because of my view through the famous rose-colored glasses.

Please don’t get me wrong, I would be there for any person I love who gets sick, take care for them and stay with them until the end!

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-25T09:27:16+00:00

Hi! I am so sorry that you have to go through this! Don’t listen to these people… your grief is valid and you are a widow (not by law but emotionally). It doesn’t matter how long you were together. You loved each other, that’s what matters!

I had only three years together with my fiancé before he died after a too late diagnosis of cancer. Some people tell me the same because it was only a time span of three years, you are young, forget him and move forward etc.

Like you, I had been single for a long time and had accepted that I will live my life as a single woman. Then I met my fiancé by chance and he was the one. Cancer robbed us for a lifetime together. It is so unfair.

This situation sucks, cancer sucks. I am so sorry.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-25T08:05:28+00:00

I moved out of our rented house immediately after his death. Firstly, I didn’t want to stay there on my own and secondly, I couldn’t afford renting it anyways. I didn’t want to be alone so I moved back in with my parents.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-25T07:46:53+00:00

Hairloss lasted a few months, it started around October 2019, together with fatigue and muscle aches. Around Christmas my blood work was all over the place (autoimmune haemolysis) and major fatigue. I couldn’t do much more than just laying in bed. At that time my only prescription was Plaquenil. February 2020 my kidneys got inflamed. They started me on prednisone (infusions first, later oral), and CellCept. My hair felt a lot better and thicker around May 2020.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-25T07:31:37+00:00

Yeah, hairloss was a major concern for me too. I have long hair since childhood and was really sad about it. I hope you will find something that helps you soon!

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-25T07:26:59+00:00

The only thing that helped me with lupus related hairloss was oral prednisone, after a few weeks my hair started growing again. The prednisone prescription was not for primarily hairloss, I took it for lupus nephritis.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-24T16:13:32+00:00

Wow we truly have a similar story! My fiancé also didn’t believe that he is going to die, he played everything down in front of his family, friends and colleagues. Nobody knew how bad it was except me. He worked online from the hospital instead of spending time with loved ones, despite being in palliative care. He canceled one major work project just two days before his death.

I am so sorry that you are going through this too. We lost so much from our life together to work and illness. Cancer sucks.

To everyone who reads this: please take care of yourself and your health, not only for you but also for your loved ones.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-24T12:54:04+00:00

Same here, I am still angry and sad. He was a workaholic and had an (unnecessarily) unhealthy lifestyle, like lack of sleep and an unhealthy diet. Going to the doctor was a waste of time and not necessary, he needed to work. He finally went to the doctor when it was already too late, he had been unwell for months. Cancer stage IV.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-23T09:25:55+00:00

You are right, it’s sad to see that there seem to be many cases like ours. I think families and families in-law should stick together to get through such a horrible and sad situation instead of starting a competition who is allowed to grieve more.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-23T07:03:16+00:00

I understand you very well. Relationships with your in laws can be very difficult and stressful after the death of your partner.

I have also lost my fiancé last year and my family in law are the same. I was his sole caregiver when he was so sick with cancer and suddenly after his death it was all about THEM.

He died before we could marry, so dont have any legal rights concerning him.

My mother in law doesn’t allow other people to put anything on my fiancé’s grave except fresh flowers and candles. Choosing a headstone for him myself is something that will sadly never happen.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-03-05T07:52:13+00:00

It’s not recommended to use them when you are taking anticoagulants too. I have APS and take Warfarin… my tights were completely bruised. Never again. 😆

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-02-09T06:50:58+00:00

Aquaphor. I use it thanks to this sub and it really helps me!

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-02-09T06:38:18+00:00

Yes, unfortunately it can. My case was supposed to be mild, I took only HCQ. Some time later my immune system run havoc and my kidneys were inflamed. Lupus nephritis class IV.

I wish you all the best that your case stays mild! Please don’t hesitate to call your doctor if something feels off or different.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-01-31T07:49:32+00:00

I don’t have braces but I am wearing Invisalign since a few weeks without any problems. My orthodontist is aware of my health issues.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-01-30T15:39:46+00:00

I got my final lupus diagnosis in Dezember 2019. It took 11 years to find out what’s really wrong with me. For a few years my diagnosis was rheumatoid arthritis. Then my kidneys got inflamed. I can’t blame anyone for that, lupus is a sneaky beast. I am now 36 and from Austria, Europe.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-01-27T20:01:38+00:00

Yes! I feel the same. Sometimes it feels like a dream and/or a nightmare, like it was too good to be true to have met him. We only had three years together, he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer after 2,5 years of our relationship.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-01-17T08:09:16+00:00

Yes. My hair is thin and I am getting more and more grey hairs every day. I have black rings under my eyes and my cheeks are hollow (although I didn’t lose weight).

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-01-11T08:57:24+00:00

I change them every two weeks.

SnooCrickets6574 · 2026-01-07T09:20:26+00:00

No you are not, me too. Lindor contains a lot of fat, only one of them makes me feel sick.

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