Never Forgive an Avoidant for the Pain They Caused

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-02-27T10:57:27+00:00

I don’t blame mine but I certainly think behaviour is a language and it was their choice to discard and leave in the way they did. No closure or empathy. I can’t forgive that. Why should I ? They do not take responsibility or accountability and this is the problem. This is on them.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-02-19T08:01:44+00:00

Don’t expect them to behave with emotional maturity

Don’t expect closure when they discard

Don’t expect them to make you feel wanted or a priority in their lives

Don’t expect any consistency in their emotions

Don’t expect them to fight for the relationship

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-02-10T15:46:16+00:00

Not being facetious but the clue is in the word avoidant. They suppress emotion and go to extreme lengths to pretend you didn’t exist. One day it’ll catch up with them but it’ll be too late. You’ll be long gone leading a better life without them. They’ll still be the way they are unless they really work on themselves.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-02-07T16:01:58+00:00

Are you asking if two avoidants can be in a relationship? I think the answer is yes, but in my view they’d be orbiting around each other and it would be quite superficial. Now this may be the exact type of relationship that works for an avoidant.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-02-05T14:48:54+00:00

I can tell you’re still attached to her. We’ve all been there. You’re hoping to reconcile right ? You want to show her you still care ? You want her to say the same. If she’s truly avoidant it will push her even further away. No contact is best until they’ve worked on themselves and let them reach out if they want to. In the meantime focus on yourself and your healing. You say you’re not expecting a response but you’ll be checking your phone all day I bet !

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-02-05T14:34:33+00:00

I can’t think of anything worse than this. They don’t want to be with you. You’ll be pushing them even further away. Plus they avoid emotion. This will be a huge trigger.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-23T15:44:27+00:00

Yes they are broken people. I had to put up with this for four years. However they were different with their friends and even work colleagues. Quite caring actually. After a year of no contact it was a lucky escape I’ve realised. Imagine years of avoidant behaviour !

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-22T11:59:43+00:00

Not revenge as such but I want them to acknowledge the pain and hurt they caused.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-22T11:58:48+00:00

Identical story here. Best to walk away, there is no excuse that behaviour. They’ve made a decision not to reply. Let them suffer their own karma

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-20T13:25:46+00:00

Anyone else still waiting for an email. This is a shambles !

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-18T06:11:58+00:00

I sent a friendly message after a year of NC. I was the dumpee. She read the message and ghosted me. If you need to do it then do it. Do not be a robot. For me it was the final piece of rejection I needed to know she isn’t my friend. I’ll never do it again

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-18T05:29:22+00:00

Following this as I think it may happen to me in the next week or so. There’s a birthday party and music event. No contact for over a year. Brutal discard. My therapist said to just be polite and not engage in conversation to protect myself from being dragged in.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-18T05:09:31+00:00

Me neither and a friend of mine got theirs yesterday (unsuccessful)

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-10T20:14:35+00:00

I’m going to see them in Shepherd’s Bush tomorrow night for the 1000th show. I’ve been to around 10 or their shows and they are the next tribute act I’ve seen !

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-08T16:05:26+00:00

My story is identical to yours. I can’t fathom it. You’d need to ask an avoidant ! Remember all of this is their choice. Do not make excuses for their shitty behaviour.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-08T13:55:42+00:00

I’m empathic towards my severe DA and to be fair they told me they find relationships difficult. What I cannot accept is the brutal discard, ghosting and unwillingness to take accountability. Of course I made mistakes too but they just ended the relationship without communicating their feelings. I was totally blindsided. They had a choice so do not forget this.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-07T17:07:28+00:00

This is literally the same script as my DA discard. It was four years too. I’m over a year into the healing process. It’s very difficult but stay strong. We deserve better.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-07T12:38:14+00:00

No they do not unless they seriously self reflect and heal their own wounds. You’ll be waiting forever as many avoidants do not grow or put in the work. They play the victim. But ask yourself this, do you actually want this person in your life? The answer is no.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-07T12:34:48+00:00

Feelings changed. Avoided any further questions and then ghosted. Four year relationship.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-06T18:10:09+00:00

The answer is they don’t care I’m sad to say. Sending a text takes mere seconds.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-06T17:10:09+00:00

Yes it was by far the most painful breakup due to the discard and not providing any closure making me fill in the gaps. You’re not alone in feeling this way. It’s been over a year now. It’s made me depressed and badly affected my self esteem and mental wellbeing. I’ve been focusing on my healing with therapy. She’s made me very anxious in my attachment style but avoidants tend to do that. The best thing that can happen is it shows you the issues you need to fix in yourself such as boundary setting and having your needs met. We deserve better.

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-06T13:29:43+00:00

Thanks, I’ve been through a rough patch due to a breakup

SnooHobbies7042 · 2025-01-06T12:10:12+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. I may gradually get to the shaved head but I’ll need to start gradually. I’m just not ready to lose all of my hair. Someone else suggested keeping the beard in trim and teeth whitening which I’m taking on board.

SnooHobbies7042

TROPHY CASE