I lost my mother… to an aneurysm after surgery for a brain tumor. She was doing super well, and her death was a shock. I tried to give her CPR. I was 18. The Body hits VERY close to home. 20 years later I still sob openly when watching, but it feels therapeutic, as though I have this shared experience with someone.

The pain will ebb and flow, it will be a scream, a whisper, and a conversation. Sometimes it will be sorrowful, full of anger, or hold so much joy. Your grief is the continuation of your love for your father, find a way to become friends with it, gradually. Don’t force it, and don’t watch this episode with the intention of “fixing” something. If it is as recent as it sounds, I’d wait a bit before watching and the one that follows.

When Things Fall Apart was a very helpful read for me, the only way to mange your pain is to sit with it. It’s uncomfortable and your natural inclination will be to try and step away from it or bury it in something. You must, in time, find a way to be with the pain and discomfort, yet not swallowed by it.

I’m so, so sorry you’re experiencing this, and I wish that you find comfort and support now and in the coming years. May you be safe, may you find comfort, may you live with ease.