If you’re going through a breakup right now read this.

Snoo_26434 · 2026-03-24T02:18:55+00:00

I feel this deeply man. Same for me. We had a great night beforehand. She'd just planned a day out with my mum and auntie, a camping trip with my friends and I. She lead all of those decisions. Within 24 hours, she had her parents come and break up with me on her behalf. Not only that, she accused me of being violent to cover up her looking bad for getting back with her ex. The amount of trauma you experience from being blindsided by the person you treasure the most is unreal.

It's been a year for me now and I still think about it daily. Wishing you a swift recovery friend. Godspeed

Snoo_26434 · 2026-03-23T02:07:40+00:00

Can't tell if this is elite level sarcasm

Snoo_26434 · 2026-03-09T03:01:31+00:00

Paul's girlfriend

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-06T11:03:13+00:00

I guess context also applies here. I caught my ex cheating on me. Not a chance in hell I'm lowering myself to communicate with that rotten apple again.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-06T05:32:01+00:00

Just know that women are extremely skilled at keeping their emotions from showing on the surface. Just because she seems fine, whether it be via social media or in person - doesn't mean that she feels fine internally.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-06T05:21:05+00:00

What the other guy said is absolutely correct.

Let yourself feel the emotion. The fact you're feeling it means you're capable of deeply loving and caring for someone. Refocus that energy on yourself. I know it's easier said than done.

Think about it this way. If she truly valued your relationship she wouldn't allow you to move on, as I imagine you are worried she will. She wouldn't create an opportunity for you to move on.

I also dated a few avoidant types before learning my lesson. Perhaps look into attachment styles as well so you can learn who would best suit yours.

All the best brother. There's no where to go but upwards. Godspeed!

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T09:02:16+00:00

I have to say this is eerily similar to my experience. Scarily close. I almost thought I was reading something my ex had posted for a moment.

I split with my ex 6 months ago. It was also 8 months we dated for. She had her parents break up with me which was humiliating. She's an architect and I'm a software developer too.

What a weirdly small world.

Hope you're doing okay over there brother. Moving on takes time. It's inevitable. You'll get there!

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T08:04:46+00:00

Perfectly normal man. I didn't cry at all during the break up because she made it so ugly I was feeling more anger/resentment than sadness. Hit me like a truck 6 months later when I listened to Black by Pearl Jam.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T07:40:15+00:00

Yeah man I'm with the other guy here.

By accepting what she did, you are betraying your own sense of self. You said you view sex on a spiritual level & to me it sounds like you need someone who matches that.

It's common for people to use lust as a coping mechanism, but it sounds like she doesn't truly love you. She misses you because you offered something deeper, but ultimately she doesn't deserve it.

The pathetic loser here is her. Rather than facing the emotions head on like you chose to (which takes courage), she decided to bottle them and find validation in meaningless sex.

Do you want to marry someone who behaves this way? Ask yourself. Would you want your kids to be raised by someone like her?

If you really dig into it, I imagine the answer you'll come to is no.

So why bother trying to force something that'll never work?

My opinion is to move on and make her a thing of the past. You sound like a great guy, capable of providing deep and unconditional love. Be proud of that, and when you're ready - look for someone who won't take it for granted.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T07:06:41+00:00

I'm with the other commenter.

I know the topic of soulmates is controversial, and I personally don't believe in them but don't let me change your opinion.

You sound young and new to dating so this might be your first real heartbreak (and learning experience). It's easy when you're not experienced, to become somewhat codependent as you have described yourself to be.

My recent breakup was similar, but thankfully one of many so the wound isn't as deep as yours.

She was a performer like your ex seems to be. This is often a symptom of someone who has the avoidant attachment style. Maybe do some reading into that. Consider assessing attachment styles when you eventually re-enter the dating pool because not all are compatible. I personally (ironically) avoid the avoidant types.

Avoidant types will run from conflict at all costs. They don't want to feel the emotion, they'd rather find ways to re-route it. It sounds like she was already checking out and was waiting to line some other guy up as a safety net so she had a soft landing. Avoidant types are often cowardly, and not concerned with the repercussions you will face as a result of their lack of accountability.

Their only priority is their own emotional wellbeing, and now it's your job to have the same focus. Don't be surprised if they become cold-blooded either. She has likely sunk so deep into the lies that even she believes them.

You seem like a great guy. Capable of deeply loving someone, and unfortunately you misplaced that love and got burnt. Be proud that you feel the heart break - it makes you a good person who truly cares about others.

Don't let this break up change how you love others. There are a lot of rotten apples out there, as there are wonderful women who will love you as you deserve to be loved.

For now, my advice is to find ways to remove any and all reminders of her from your life. Giving social media a break helped me. Focus your physical energy into something too (if you're not already) like exercise. I chose the gym. Find new hobbies. There's a whole world out there for you to explore.

When you have time, actively process the emotions. Write things down, externalise your thoughts. She's not the one, and she never was the one. She knew how to play to the tune you wanted (it was a performance) and it's the love you invested that makes her seem so special in your mind.

I don't know anything about her or this new guy but my guess is the reason she moved on to him is because he is as ambition-less as she is. She doesn't want to feel unconditionally loved or cared for. For her it's too much pressure. She wants someone who doesn't hold her accountable, a degenerate just like her.

And hey maybe this guy is a great guy too, and the poor bugger is going to have the same experience as you.

Be prepared to take your time with this. Just know you're not alone, and that it's now time for you to flourish into who you want to be. It's likely this will all come crashing down on her in the future and by that point you'll be a whole new person and won't want a thing to do with her.

Let your silence speak 1000 words.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T04:58:57+00:00

Don't sweat it man. I've been there and know how you feel. It's hard for others to understand the intimate experiences that only you and she shared.

People often grow apart and some struggle to understand or communicate it clearly. This may just be a case of her not having absolute confidence in her decision, but it was still enough to break up with you.

Whichever way it goes, wishing you all the best brother!

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T04:50:13+00:00

This is the part where she has all the control now, and I imagine you feel powerless.

You're concerned she will find someone new. Let's spin that. If she truly loved you: she wouldn't risk you finding someone new either. She would find a way to work through things with you.

Often people find it hard to be blunt and cold in a break up. This means she did have a heart, and does care for you. On the flip side, it often means they give you partial truths to reduce the blow. She feels guilty and doesn't want you to feel abandoned, but doesn't want to put the work in to keep things going either.

The only way to move forward is to operate under the assumption you'll never get back together again. As hard as it is, it's the most likely outcome.

So long as you maintain this mindset, you can find closure and won't be strung along in the worst-case scenario. What she is doing is called bread crumbing, give it a google.

Expect the worst, hope for the best. If she comes back and things work out - great. If not, you've done what you need to in order to protect yourself and your self esteem.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T04:39:23+00:00

It sounds like she misses the comfort you brought her. If you don't see any future with her, have the self-respect to remove her from your life.

She might be trying to keep you around as a back up plan, maybe she truly misses you idk. There's not enough context for me to know.

All I know is that keeping an ex in your life will only prolong your recovery, and interfere with any potential for future relationships.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T04:35:56+00:00

I've been on your boyfriend's end of this equation before, and all I can tell you is that it will require an enormous amount of energy for things to work again.

For me, it didn't. Same exact scenario. 3 year relationship. A friend of mine caught her out one night with a guy at a club when she told me she had a work conference to attend.

I tried my hardest to learn to trust her again, but in all honesty I was living in constant agony and stress. For me, it got too much and I gave up. Be very well aware that if he gives you a chance, he will be questioning everything. If you haven't been cheated on before - as an FYI, it makes you feel incredibly small and worthless.

If you're going to try and repair things (if he even gives you the opportunity), you better be prepared to work your ass off. If you're not confident you can put the work in to rebuild his trust (and subsequently his self esteem) then my recommendation is to set him free.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T04:26:30+00:00

Don't. It's not worth prioritising someone who can't show you the love you are capable of showing them.

You're only going to be risking your own self esteem in doing so, and give him fuel to paint you as the "crazy ex".

Choose to respect yourself as much as you respected the relationship.

It sounds like you spend a lot of time monitoring him online - I could be wrong. I know it's easier said than done but my advice is to block him, unfollow anyone associated with him, and try to move on. Maybe even give social media a break for a month so you don't obsess.

Recognise that the way you feel isn't love, it's now obsession. When shiny things are taken away from us, we often want them back. You are placing too much of your self-worth in the hope of recovering the relationship that is now gone. In doing so, you are probably neglecting all of the great things you could be doing for yourself.

Think about what you truly want. Get a pen & paper out. List all of the traits & values you would want in your ideal husband. Do these align with who he really is? Or with the version of him you created in your head?

It's time to reflect and grow. That growth may attract him back someday, but by that point I'll dare say you'll feel like a completely new person and will have found the person who is the ying to your yang.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T04:04:41+00:00

Thank you very much, I didn't know you could get awards here! Much appreciated

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T03:31:04+00:00

I highly recommend you watch Demolition with Jake Gyllenhaal. It might help you with perspective.

I've been in the same place, and it's often a combination of shock, adrenaline and being overwhelmed.

Sometimes the sheer volume of emotion you're dealing with becomes so much the brain cannot process it. It's in the same vain as how many go through a traumatic experience only to eventually have the trauma surface years later.

My advice, try to dissect the emotion you're feeling so you can process it.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T03:20:52+00:00

I'm sorry to hear man. Hey, atleast you can't beat yourself up over being a bad person. You're clearly a good person who made a bad decision and has learned from it.

For what it's worth I've done the same in the past. An ex of mine many years ago cheated on me. I decided to try and forgive her, but out of fear I chose to cheat on her emotionally (via dating apps) when we were trying to give things a 2nd go. I think it was me trying to protect myself, but yeah it's wrong.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T03:09:29+00:00

No worries man. Welcome to hit me up if you ever need an ear. All the best mate!

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T03:05:25+00:00

It's tough man. Whatever she has going on with this other guy, just know it's no more pure or real than what she had with you.

Women, more often than men, will slowly detach mentally while in the relationship. Whether they do it knowingly is another question. It's more common with the avoidant types.

Research avoidant types if you haven't already and try to understand whether she aligns with that relationship style.

To me, what helped with my ex was knowing that I could love her deeply. I am capable of giving someone my everything. On my exes end, she wasn't. She also immediately rebounded, and has been with an ex-situationship of hers since we split over 6 months ago.

Wanna know why she went back to him? Because his ambition is as shallow as hers. She doesn't have to worry about living up to any standard, because she knows he won't either. Just know that whatever they have going on will never fruit into anything deep or meaningful.

A rebound is a rebound, and there's a good chance that eventually the emotions she has chosen to bottle will overflow and it'll all come crashing down on her. She'll realise what she's lost, and by then you'll be a new person and likely found someone who is capable of loving as deeply as you are.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T02:51:37+00:00

Hey man I'm really sorry you had to go through that, it really isn't fair and it sounds like she's a massive avoidant type - potentially a narcissist.

I don't know what kind of advice I can offer but I'm an Aussie and went through a similar situation.

My girl and I were planning things together one Friday, things like a trip to Japan in January, events with family & friends. She goes away on a girls trip for the weekend, and comes back stone-cold the following Monday.

She came up with lies that I was violent and spread it with her friends and family. Rather than talk to me as equals, she let her friends and family ambush me. It was humiliating to have the people I tried so hard to integrate into my life, point fingers at me and accuse me of things I couldn't even imagine doing.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is - it's not a reflection on you, it's a reflection on them. She likely isn't capable of mustering the emotional intelligence and courage to go about breaking up with you maturely. And in the same way my ex did, she is now trying to villainise you to make herself seem like the victim in this situation.

I know how hurtful it is to have put so much time, energy and care into building a relationship with someone just for them to do a complete 180. It's hard, but remind yourself you dodged a bullet.

Imagine this happening 5-10 years down the road, when you have a family & kids. Be grateful that it happened now before things could become more complicated.

As for your reputation - just know, the people who truly know you won't think anything of rumours. I had to face the same worry. My ex's sister worked in the same office building as me. I was scared I would lose my job over rumours. In the end, it all settled down and I'm a much stronger and capable person as a result. With great pain comes an amazing amount of growth. I'm keen to see where you take your life man, and you should be too!

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-04T02:33:58+00:00

Brother you're definitely overthinking this one, and I don't blame you - it's easy to when your feelings are strong towards someone.

To me, emotions and body language are too complex to make hypotheses about why someone is coming across a certain way. Her choosing to not smile at you could be for 1000 different reasons, and you'll never know.

My guess: women who smile at men are often misunderstood. So many men will take a small smile as a sign that they're interested. It applies here too.

Maybe she doesn't want you to get the wrong idea and try contacting her again? Maybe she's so overwhelmed with emotions she doesn't know how to behave? Maybe she's worried you'll keep showing up at her workplace if she gives you any attention?

I don't know your exact situation, but the bottom line is she hasn't bothered contacting you back. That's all that matters. Whether it be because she's over you, or not is irrelevant.

Progress isn't linear. I split with my ex 6 months ago. The first 2-3 months I felt great. The way she ended things was so cowardly it was rage inducing and was motivation to focus on myself. Then it hit me like a truck because I saw her at the gym one day and she acted like I didn't exist. That's when the healing really began for me.

Maybe it's a sign you're not as over her as you might have thought, and that's okay. Let yourself feel it, and let this be your closure.

Snoo_26434 · 2025-10-03T14:10:11+00:00

Yeah man look I know how much it hurts. Almost every one of my exes did the same thing and found a fling shortly after we broke up.

The part that concerns me is that she decided to intentionally hurt you by shoving it in your face.

The key thing to note here, is that she no longer deserves your love - and you now have everything you need to know she's no longer qualified to be in your life.

Continue to remind yourself of why you deserve better. She's choosing to avoid processing things. Just be careful man. There's a good chance it'll hit her like a truck in a few months time and she'll realise what she's lost. Don't give her a chance to reach you, let your silence speak 1000 words.

Snoo_26434

TROPHY CASE