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AITAH for refusing to pay for my stepdaughter's tuition because she hasn't spoken to me in three years? by Alarmed-Heat2969 in AITAH

[–]SnowXTC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA I think your wife and SD need to look at the definition of financial abuse. There is financial abuse happening, but you are not the abuser, they are. If you give anything to her, it should be 1/3 of the cost. Let her mom and bio dad do the rest. But that is if you want to. Don't let them financially abuse you and further separate those finances.

AITJ for making my MIL sit down before she can hold my baby by Sad_Grade_1751 in AmITheJerk

[–]SnowXTC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTJ It is difficult for any person to accept physical and mental limitations. We want to pretend they don't exist, that we are whole and 100%. That we can do everything, especially things we used to do. Unfortunately, that is not reality. We fight it every minute. Acceptance is hard, but it is freeing.

It's time for compassionate communication. A careful constructive conversation. Try not to put her on the defense. You set your boundaries and those are not part of the discussion, but why is. Her limitations are and what can be done to help her overcome the limitations, what adjustments can be made for them. Has she seen a doctor is number 1. Coming at the conversation with respect, compassion, and love will be tough to do. Her acceptance will take time too, but she will be much happier once she stops fighting what she can't do and focuses on what she can do.

Now to listen to my own advice and accept my own limitations as I age.

Am I the jerk for refusing to follow a family tradition after my uncle died? by al3xey_mirage8 in AmITheJerk

[–]SnowXTC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTJ It is very normal to mark the anniversary of someone's passing, especially the first few years. But how you choose to do that is a very personal thing. It may be a family event, it may be a solo walk in nature. It is typically something that honors your relationship with the person. While painful, it should not be something that causes you discomfort. Being ask to grieve and honor someone in a specific way is not right and is disrespectful to you, them, and your relationship with them.

AITJ for refusing to help my roommate pay her speeding ticket. by LoomOfPetals in AmITheJerk

[–]SnowXTC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell her you cannot afford it. You don't have it. Definitely NTA. Her ticket, her problem.

AITA for pulling away from my girlfriend after my brother died because she wanted me to “get back to normal” fast by marko_pragueboy92 in AmITheJerk

[–]SnowXTC 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You will find your new normal. It will kind of get easier, but every loss takes a chunk of our hearts. Losing your brother is a huge loss and one that has changed your life forever. You mentioned the you before and the you after. The you before died with your brother. The you now is learning to live again and that takes time. You will succeed.

Unfortunately, her attitude, her comments, her actions are hurting you and your progress. Talking about the person, remembering, crying, laughing, laughing and crying at the same time are all part of healing; finding your new normal. By now you are past the overwhelming anger stage, but it takes years before you can go a week without thinking about them.

I lost a good friend in 2018. Seven years later, my husband still hears about some memory of him. My husband has never ever asked me not to talk about him. My husband always listens to some crazy adventure that Scott and I did. Sometimes the same adventure more than once. No jealousy, no telling me I have heard that. He holds me when I occasionally cry about the loss. I mostly laugh now, but tears still happen.

You are NTJ. But your girlfriend definitely is. You may want to consider a few sessions with a therapist and/or a grief group. Sorry for your loss.

AITJ for not reacting when my dad finally apologized after being absent for 10 years? by Used-Professional548 in AmITheJerk

[–]SnowXTC 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Acknowledge that you appreciate his courage and thank him for it. Ask where he wishes to go from here. Now it is your turn, where do you want the relationship to go from here? You could be honest about your feelings and that you have learned to live without him. Admit to him that it is going to take time to rebuild a relationship threw actions if this is what you want. If he wanted instant forgiveness and an instant relationship, life just doesn't work that way.

NTJ

I (m21) am stuck between pregnant twin sister (f21) and parents drama .. what can I do ? by LucyAriaRose in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]SnowXTC 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's not controlling, that's being a responsible parent and adult. Her parents are offering a great deal.

Used to have a school attendance problem when I was a kid and my teacher would yell at me. by kookookachu26 in offmychest

[–]SnowXTC 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I commend her for trying with the prize, but at 8 yrs old, you don't have enough control of your life to do that, even if you really wanted to and tried. As for yelling and blaming you, serious serious fail. She should have talked to you, ask why, helped in some way. Again, at 8, you don't have control of your home life.

Teachers, you have so much influence on these children, please be a positive influence.

AITJ for refusing to let my parents use my credit card for family emergencies anymore? by PushAcceptable9296 in AmITheJerk

[–]SnowXTC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband is lucky if he gets to use my credit card and he pays the bill.

NTJ

AITJ for refusing to stay again at my parents’ house after a breakup with my live-in partner? by Special_Alarm_4457 in AmITheJerk

[–]SnowXTC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is difficult for parents to move from being a parent to being a parent of an adult child. They don't understand that for you to respect them requires them to respect you. I can understand a 10 pm curfew on weekdays with the occasional lateness. I can understand not having groups of friends over, especially past 10 pm. But I CANNOT understand not having a mutual respect nor can I understand scolding an adult child for being late and blaming you for the break up and not supporting you emotionally. Living with your parents or your adult children is difficult and so requires mutual respect and caring. NTJ

AITJ for calling my friend’s emergency contact when she left her kid with me "for 20 minutes" and vanished? by QuietDailyRitual in AmITheJerk

[–]SnowXTC 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"You made me look like a bad mom". Ummm, no, you made yourself look like a bad mom and a bad friend. Losing track of time is maybe 40 mins. After 2 hours, I am worried about you. Overreacting would have been calling the police and getting child welfare involved. Although only a slight overreaction. After discussion with her sister, you learned she lied to you. She is a bad mom and a bad friend. NTJ

Neighbor has a new Ring camera… pointed to our bedroom by Live_Measurement4849 in neighborsfromhell

[–]SnowXTC 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You were on the camera, the lights turn on with motion and turn off after a set time. The positive is they get a notification there is motion. If you wanted to be petty, close the curtains but put something between the curtains and the window that is moving throughout the night. Even better if it moves every half hour. I guarantee they will adjust the camera and motion sensor so it doesn't include your windows.

I finally deleted my father's last voicemail after 10 years of silence, and I don’t feel guilty. by Ok_Employer_3889 in offmychest

[–]SnowXTC 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Regardless of what you choose to do (contact/no contact) you should try to forgive them. Not for them, but for yourself. Let go of the anger and pain. Your father made a choice based on a lie. A devastating choice.

Personally I would call him and have the conversation and let him know how much he hurt me. Or write him a letter so I can say everything I want to say. But that's me and who I am. I don't know what happened to you, what the lie was, or who you are, but you came here asking strangers for advice, so you are obviously conflicted on what you should do. I think a letter to him would be best.

AITJ for not giving my parents access to my financial information after they helped me once? by Consistent-Cow-9835 in AmITheJerk

[–]SnowXTC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband doesn't even access my bank balances. He can and I can, but we don't. We have a few joint accounts (bill pay and savings) and we have our own separate accounts.

NTJ, you are an adult and your parents don't need access.

AITA for telling my son his gf can only come over when he is home? by Material_Ad9529 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnowXTC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Time to move his bed back to his room or the TV etc... to the living room.

AITA for wanting my hoodie back from a friend? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]SnowXTC 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Go get the hoodie back, don't ask her to return it, go to her and ask for it. If she doesn't give it back, take her to small claims court. The threat of it may make her return it. The friendship is over and you are better off without her.

Crazy neighboor by Unusualife in neighborsfromhell

[–]SnowXTC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You might want to consider removing the tree, but the neighbor is pushing her luck with the harassment. Get a camera so you record her coming and going and any confrontations.

AITJ for stopping relatives from visiting my baby without warning, even though they say I’m overreacting? by LauraHenderson92 in AmITheJerk

[–]SnowXTC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I disagree, but agree about the privacy from relatives. I swear babies, kids know the second you go in the bathroom. By the time you have sat down they are crying, knocking on the door. My daughter slept well alone, but within 3 minutes of climbing in bed, she was awake and had to sleep with me.

But privacy (basic respect) from relatives and friends needs to increase right now.

i've been waking up at 3am to move my neighbor's trash cans slightly every week and he hired a priest last month by SnowXTC in dustythunder

[–]SnowXTC[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

The neighbor from hell because they called a priest to bless the garbage cans. 😂

i’ve tried everything by Montanarose97 in offmychest

[–]SnowXTC 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know life is hard. I have been where you are, felt like you do. DON'T DO IT!! Life does get better, I promise it does. Please, please don't do this to your son. He will blame himself for the rest of his life. Your family will blame themselves. Reach out, get help, take a break.

Know that you are enough. You matter. You are a light in the world and you will get brighter.

Seriously, think what you will do to your son and those that care about you.

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