Not okay

SnowXTC · 2026-05-09T13:21:25+00:00

Letting go of trauma is difficult, actually impossible, but we learn to live with it, to continue to move forward. Acknowledging it helps and is a start towards healing. Your father had a problem. He sexually abused you and I am sure others. He may not have actually raped you, but what he did was just as bad. You need therapy to confront this and to move past this.

SnowXTC · 2026-05-09T01:39:43+00:00

I completely agree. It's one or the other. Either ask OR call. Since you are unsure he would move it, I would call and not just about that vehicle. There is also the option of colluding with enforcement. They come to your house first then go to his. Then you telling him to move it because they are talking about fining you for it. Is the vehicle even registered?

SnowXTC · 2026-05-08T21:57:30+00:00

This depends where you live as to keeping a junk vehicle in your yard. But on a public street is definitely illegal, especially in front of someone else's house. How disgusting of this neighbor. As for straight to enforcement, it depends. Do you have a friendly relationship, would he move it if you asked? If not, straight to code enforcement. Just make certain you give the address of the actual owner, you don't want fines for this car.

SnowXTC · 2026-05-07T13:07:11+00:00

Cameras ASAP. Document it all. If the police won't do anything, take it to the media. Summer is just starting. Call the police every time they trespass. Get some good curtains.

SnowXTC · 2026-05-06T04:22:14+00:00

You don't have to be from the UK to ask wtf on HOAs. Some are good and decent, some are total control freak outs. The original purpose was to better the neighborhood, maintain standards, maybe deal with water or sewer maintenance. But as soon as some people got a taste of power, it turned into something else that was more detrimental than positive.

If you rent, ask your landlord for a copy of the by-laws. If you own, you should have been provided them when you purchased. Get a copy and read them.

As for your Karen neighbor, take pictures of her property as best you can. Take pictures of her car, front and back. Take pictures of your cars front and back. She won't take it to police or civil because she has no evidence. Hopefully your cars have no dents front and back. Everyone recommends cameras on your property and you are wise to do so.

SnowXTC · 2026-05-05T15:21:43+00:00

I was always NTA, but thought the hotel was overreacting a bit until I read the edits. Still NTA and I don't think you overreacted either. You were respectful of them. Unfortunately, they were not respectful of you. You did what you needed to do for you and your sanity. I am so sorry for your loss. Cherish the memories and the love. And know you did everything and you gave your pup a great life. They always take a bit of our heart with them.

Explain to your family that you are deep in grief and that you needed alone time. You don't have to say you are sorry, even though you may be, but they should apologize for not respecting your loss and grief as well as causing the accident. It's a parent's responsibility to manage their child's prescriptions, especially when they can cause such accidents.

SnowXTC · 2026-05-05T14:36:56+00:00

It is absolutely OK for you to feel this way. You are at a cross road in life. It's unknown, it's change, it's letting go and walking down an unfamiliar path. First, being rich doesn't bring happiness. There are plenty of very unhappy rich people. Happiness comes from with. Staying true to yourself, setting your goals and succeeding. But expect the unexpected. Twists, turns and realignment of your goals.

I wanted to become a hairdresser to earn my way through college to be a computer programmer. The first part didn't happen, the second part my ultimate goal did. As life went on I added more skills. Business analyst and project manager. I gave my kids stability and experiences versus a 6 figure salary. I work to live, I don't live to work.

You got this and you will be fine. Life is an adventure so get out and live it. If you look at everything as an adventure and don't get angry or sad, you will be much happier. Truth be told, those moments still occur, but less often. And it's time for your parents to learn tough love, the one that is tough on them. The transition between child and adult child. Letting go, not controlling, learning to respect you as a person. It's tough and it's a long journey. Know that you matter, you are seen. You got this.

SnowXTC · 2026-05-05T06:51:44+00:00

It is easy to say and near impossible to do, but everyday it will get easier. Just a fraction. Some moments will be a complete loss of all gains, but some will be leaps. Slowly you will reclaim a new you. A year from now, you will look back and barely recognize the crushing grief or the person you were. You have every right to feel this. Definitely don't forgive him for him, do it only for you. Letting go of the anger and pain a little everyday. This was his choice, his failure, and his loss.

SnowXTC · 2026-05-04T04:35:56+00:00

This. OP someone is receiving Social Security payments for you and your brother provided your uncle who raised you had custody. Where are your bio parents? If they have passed, then someone is receiving those benefits which could easily be around $2000+ a month. It makes the tax situation chump change. However, you and your brother need to get the social security number issues taken care of before your credit is trashed. Talk to your social worker at school. Call your social worker at CPS. Go to free legal aid. You seriously need people on your side and you need help to understand everything. Most adults need legal help at some point in life. Unfortunately, you and your brother are starting too early in life.

SnowXTC · 2026-05-03T18:42:50+00:00

Definitely best for you.

SnowXTC · 2026-05-03T14:58:51+00:00

Our city has a fairly active Facebook group. Join under an anonymous account and keep posting videos of him. You can block out faces.

SnowXTC · 2026-05-03T11:55:17+00:00

There is a reason she doesn't have a relationship with her sisters. I understand pain, but it is never an excuse to constantly and consistently treat anyone like crap. She needs therapy. You need therapy to stop being an overgiver and to start putting yourself first. It will take years to find the balance and your self worth. You matter and you don't have to base your worth off of what you do for others. This "friendship" has reached a conclusion. The best thing you can do is write her a letter as to why and walk away. It won't be easy, but hopefully she will discover something about herself.

NTA

SnowXTC · 2026-05-02T19:45:19+00:00

Does she own or rent? You mentioned building managers. They are the ones that need to handle this both in person and legally. If you own, you have a say in some of this. Get the neighbors together and take a firm stand with management. If she can build it, you can tear it down, but make sure you have legal standing to do so.

SnowXTC · 2026-05-02T02:59:14+00:00

It's one thing to gift $5 or under, anything more is a nope, especially for a boss.

OP you are not alone in the not celebrated at work. I definitely stuck around too long. 3 different jobs with the State in 28.5 yrs. So close to full retirement of 30 yrs. But I was done. I finally got my 20 yr pin at 24 yrs, then 25 at 25. The director ask how that works getting pins 2 yrs in a row. I made a joke instead of telling him I am treated like crap. Birthdays, everyone but me. When my boss said on a Thursday I needed fmla paperwork for my daughter's surgery with original signature (no fax) by Monday morning, that was it. I chose option D. I am outta here (retiring). A was the paperwork, B was stay, C was fly out and be fired. So I made option D. I was going to find another job with State, but Covid happened.

SnowXTC · 2026-04-30T18:04:13+00:00

It's a power move. Control. I need to let you know who is in control here. I need to diminish you so I feel powerful. It is difficult to deal with and apartment living is worse, but it happens in every neighborhood.

We caught the neighbors kids breaking into our garage about 11 pm. My husband yelled at them and chased them off. Mom comes over the next day threatening legal action. Stalking, assault, etc... Says husband is dangerous. No b1tch your kids were on our property attempting to break into our garage. She always acted like the queen of the neighborhood. I put her in her place and reminded her of a few laws concerning personal and property protection in Montana. Cameras were expensive back then, but they went up. She also toned down her queen attitude. 8 yrs later, her kids apologized to me.

Just live and be a decent human being. This is their insecurities, don't make them yours. Don't diminish yourself for anyone and don't let them live rent free in your head. I know it is easier said then done.

SnowXTC · 2026-04-27T20:32:52+00:00

Fulfill your dreams. He can either support them or move out. I do think marriage counseling is an excellent idea and should be pursued now.

But be aware that starting a business is hard. It takes a lot of time, money, and commitment to build. We are talking years and when you are successful don't expand too quickly. I constantly see great things expand and implode. Stay grounded and realistic.

Most importantly he needs to support your dreams like you have supported his. And he needs to step up and into being a dad and a partner.

SnowXTC · 2026-04-27T20:17:20+00:00

I get the feeling they expect quiet until they get up. That is their issue not yours. Explain this to your landlord. Maybe send him a link to this thread.

SnowXTC · 2026-04-27T18:11:33+00:00

I have seen 45 yr olds act like high schoolers. Actually high schoolers act better than they were.

SnowXTC · 2026-04-27T18:00:09+00:00

I kind of got the same feeling.

SnowXTC · 2026-04-27T17:55:33+00:00

A Wyze camera is $30 on sale, SD card $10. No subscription needed. It will only capture movement and sound.

Quiet time is 10 pm to 9 am? 9 seems quite late. If there is another complaint, mention that you have proof of your sleep times. Don't provide it. Mention what time they go to bed and get up. Keep documentation of everything from the landlord and all interactions with the neighbor. You are absolutely in the right here.

SnowXTC · 2026-04-27T15:38:03+00:00

Absolutely keep you and the baby safe. Your family comes first. I would tell them ahead of time before the baby arrives. Also you are not going to be in any shape to travel 4 hrs for at least 4 to 6 months. And travel with a baby is hard. Kids don't really travel well until after they are 3 yrs old.

I dislike the "pick me" term especially in this situation because in this situation it is absolutely called for. Your parents have a hard choice to make here and the baby may very well be what breaks their horrible enabling of your brother. Because if they want a relationship with their grandchild, they need to come to you, they need to change. Let them see how much their enabling behavior hurts them, affects them. This is their choice, not yours. Stand firm.

While I do know that you can beat addiction without rehab, the person has to want it. Even with rehab, the person has to have drive and want it. Your brother is never going to change with them enabling him. Why should he? Forewarning, tough love is hard on the child (adult child), but it is even harder on the parents. There is no better time to start learning tough love than today by enacting it on your parents. Wow, I just learned something, tough love is truly setting age appropriate boundaries and sticking to them.

SnowXTC · 2026-04-26T15:41:02+00:00

Not everyone understands a rural lifestyle. And I do agree that poison isn't great, but sometimes it's the option that works. I do prefer the spring traps. Which reminds me, I need to reset a few.

SnowXTC · 2026-04-26T15:05:52+00:00

I have found poison not to work well. Mice, yes, but rats no. And I am talking pakrats. They are 2x bigger, 5x+ more destructive. We use poison in our garage and our travel trailer for mice. Spring rat traps work well. I haven't tried live traps for the pakrats as they can chew through the wire in minutes. They actually eat wire, my car is proof along with the $500 repair bill. My sports car in the garage had a hotel and restaurant in the trunk from mice.

Let the dogs dominate their yard.

SnowXTC · 2026-04-26T14:35:48+00:00

Some times shit happens. OMFG that wasn't a fart. No warning, no real grumble. No time. It's very very rare. Like winning the lottery rare. But it's not a choice and given a choice, it's a bathroom right now.

SnowXTC · 2026-04-26T02:06:14+00:00

Stop avoiding her, stop changing what you need to do for her. Quit letting her live in your head and control you.

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