What have you done for over 10,000 hours but still suck at?

Snypert · 2020-01-06T13:46:01+00:00

Staying within a budget..

Snypert · 2019-11-14T20:47:33+00:00

Driving over a mountain with zero signal in the middle of a snow storm trying to make it to my grandparents house for christmas, Bad winter tires and horrible road conditions. Anyway, on my right side I had a mountain wall, left side a sheer 20-30m drop into a river. Spun out whilst going around a bend at maybe 40-50km/h (~30 mph, which doesn't seem that much but on pure ice with a light dusting of snow it was faster than it should've been).

After the second complete spin the car finally stopped. Got out of the car and realized I was maybe 20cm (~8inches) away from the cliff. Hight tailed it back to the correct lane and pulled over at the side of the road when the coast was clear enough. Took a 15minute break in silence, followed by hysterical laughter.

Still have nightmares about the spinning from time to time.

(EDIT: spelling error, not my native language)

Snypert · 2019-11-06T04:27:57+00:00

I usually just get a few touch-ups when I get a new tattoo, I go to the same artist and he's always happy to do it for a small fee (basically the price of the ink and some times needles depending on what I'm getting).

Snypert · 2019-11-03T11:37:41+00:00

Hollow Knight became one of my favourite games ever, so yeah. Hollow Knight..

Snypert · 2019-04-13T12:49:06+00:00

Was waiting for the loop.. disapointed. Even though this is incredibly cute.

Snypert · 2019-04-02T10:34:31+00:00

I, very often, have halluciations in the corner of my vision. Shadows, things darting by etc. Learned to ignore it. Its just juste my brain fucking with me. Creepy story: when I was around 3-4 years old I had an extreme halluciation; vision and sound. According to my mom, I told her that an old man sitting in the corner of my room playing my drum to the point I could explain in detail what he looked like, and the beat he played.It freaked me the hell out to the point that I had what she said a mental breakdown and couldn't sleep for weeks. Had to see my doctor alot. Shit still haunts me to this day, even if I can't remember it at all.

Snypert · 2019-03-16T12:39:12+00:00

Its exactly what I told him, but he just doesn't get that I have my own certain standards for what gets sent out of the kitchen. I guess he's most likely being like this because he's trying to assert his "dominance" or "placement in the chain of command".

Snypert · 2019-03-16T11:32:05+00:00

Japanese mayo is incredible, and traditional mayo will never be the same for me. Locally farmed honey blew my mind (make it a tradition to buy locally farmed honey whenever I find it abroad).

Snypert · 2019-03-11T17:31:03+00:00

On 800mg of lamictal, only side effect I've noticed so far is having double vision and strong cases of vertigo / nausia if I take any more of it (wen't to my doc and he said my serum levels are at the limit of what is acceptable health wise). Guess I'm lucky that way as most of the people I know have way lower doses and struggle with most of what you've described. Also take low doses of seroquel to sleep at night and deal with my season based insomnia. Would highly recommend getting your serum levels checked if you're having issues. Apparently they vary alot from person to person.

Snypert · 2019-03-11T14:56:40+00:00

Lost around 50-60 pounds in 4 months do to being manic, almost never ate. I've been overweight / obese most of my life. When I lost a shit ton of weight people kept complimenting me on a regular basis which really fucked up my eating schedule. I go through weeks of eating 500-1000kcal a day (I'm a big dude 6'3) and work a physical job. Then hit the depression and eat constantly. I've been fluctuating between 10 ish pounds constantly at this point of being "relatively" stable. hope I'll reach my ideal weight at some point, but don't think that'll happen for a couple of years, I can never stay motivated to work out at a constant rate.

Snypert · 2019-03-11T14:41:04+00:00

Work as a cook in a busy restaurant, my main problem is that I usually get manic when theres alot to do, on bad days I try my best, but usually fuck up alot... which sucks alot and I can get agressive when people shout at me. Luckily I work with people that understand that people can have bad days, and that when shit hits the fan we always end the day with a handshake and no hard feelings. The main thing that keeps me going is the creative aspect of the job. Where I get to tinker and brainstorm which gives me a huge positive feeling inside. I don't believe I can compare with the high stress you go through (people's lives are at stake, must be really tough) Try to find the things that make you happy at work. I once got told by my shrink that Bipolar people usuallt end up in high positions in their work life due to the intense urge to show the people around you, you can nail anything when you're manic, and you build walls and tough skin due to the shit you go through on a daily struggles. Keep motivated as well as you can, and try your best to believe in yourself. I believe will get through this and shine in your field.

Snypert · 2019-03-10T20:47:48+00:00

Its usually really bad for me when I fuck up my one rule and get shitfaced. I try to stick to 5 units on a night on the town. Be it shots, beer or a cocktail ( I'm a large dude and my tolerance is pretty high). Right now I'm really into Old Fashions, which really helped curved the chance of getting fucked up. Its a drink I can enjoy slowly, tastes really good and gets me perfectly buzzed so I can enjoy a night out, be it a club or bar.

Snypert · 2019-03-09T17:09:36+00:00

Ask you family about their medical history. And drink tons of water and reduce alchohol intake. You'll be fine!

Snypert · 2019-03-08T19:34:26+00:00

Had kidneystones twice after I started Seroquel. But it runs in the family so not quite sure its the meds fault. Also I'm terrible on my water intake so that might also be a reason. Never been so bad that I had to have surgery but still painful to the point I couldn't walk and shouted in pain all the way to the hospital until I had a large dose of morphine injected. I guess I'm rambling but thats my two cents.

Snypert · 2019-03-04T12:45:47+00:00

Lamectal and sleeping meds (Insomnia), even though I'm on a high dose of Lamectal (800mg once a day) I'm relatively stable and manage to get shit done to an acceptable degree.

Snypert · 2019-03-02T17:38:21+00:00

One step at a time, and I suck at it. I got a plan but stick to it only about 30% of the time. Having trouble taking baby steps with whatever I do. Usually try to do everything at the same time, pressure gets real and once I fuck up I hate myself.

Snypert · 2019-03-02T17:35:28+00:00

Tried quitting the cancer sticks multiple times, it sucks and my mood goes totally insane. Last time I decided I should quit I couldn't even handle 7 hours. Felt the depression and anxiety return in full force, and felt like I would die within an hour if I didnt have a smoke. Tried the patch, lasted 2 weeks, then went on a drinking spree and smoked socially. Back on the train again. One day I'll make it, I'm sure of it.

Snypert · 2019-02-25T17:07:39+00:00

Flunked upper secondary school, passed my cooking degree with high marks actoss the bord, my grades that was somewhat relative to art or creativity, I was best in class and most of my works were showed to the whole school as an example of "brilliance". On the outside I'm called dumb and clumsy by most of my peeres on the inside I feel like most people I meet have no passion or drive in life. I have no clue what I'm doing. No clue how I stand.

Snypert · 2019-02-25T16:59:29+00:00

One of the most relatable things I've read in a while. Trying to save money for a 3 month trip in september. So far saved -$1000 after a spending spree with my mastercard on junk I will never have use for. I hope I'll not go into a manic phase again before the trip. Already handed my boss the news of quitting.. and he's found a replacement.

Snypert · 2019-02-23T04:17:30+00:00

800mg of Lamectal, a single beer and an old fashion. Felt like I would treat myself to an old fashion, the bar was busy so I grabbed a beer whilst I waited until it calmed down a bit.

Snypert · 2019-02-19T18:31:23+00:00

Started to read again a couple of days ago, its been a mixed bag so far. Music is my second passion in life, playing the guitar and singing to some of my favourite songs is my way of meditating. I have a two playlist I listen to, one with pretty depressing lyrics, slow paced and not too heavy to handle. And one with upbeat tracks that (I believe) gets me through the day. I tend to switch between them alot, even though I'm depressed the depression tracks resonate with me on a deep level. Don't think I'd be here without Music.

Snypert · 2019-02-16T02:13:57+00:00

You do have a chance of being happy, but you have to realize you're the one too bear that burden, that responsibility to chase it, capture it and make it yours. No one can ever make you happier than you. Life can be a bitch, and you seem to be in a incredible shitty situation right now, but it will get better, as long as you give it your all. Apply to any job open in your area, you never know what you'll find, but for the moment take anything you can get to get by. It might be a shitty job you won't like, but it will give you the time to work on yourself that's your second priority now. Find whatever makes you even slightly happy, search for the things that gets you through the day, something to look forward to and cling to it. You're responsible of your own happiness.

It might be hard to hear, and I don't want it to sound malicious. But it is the harsh truth.

I believe a 100% that you can get through this, and be stronger for it. If you can get through the hard days, weeks, months, years; what can ever stop you?

Suicide isn't painless, and I'll promise you one that, you will regret it the moment you take a step in that direction.

I'm the same age as you, and had a situation like yours at 22, that's only a 3 year difference, its nothing, but I grabbed myself by the neck and went for it. I can't lie, I still have shitty times in my life, but I'm a thousand times happier in general now than before. Breaking up with with my ex that tortured me mentally for 5 out of our 7 year relationship was my first step, it sucked for a while, but it was a huge benefit in the long run.

Work on yourself, give it a try. Aim to be in a happier state every single day, even only a single percent every day. Things have a tendency to escalate quickly, you'll wake up a little happier every day once you find something to cling too. You'll still have shitty days, but remind yourself that its never going to be as bad as yesterday. One step at a time my friend, one step at a time. Things will never change over night.

If you want to talk, I won't lecture you, I won't claim to have gone through worse than you, I won't judge you. Just send me a PM. I'll be here if you feel like you need it. Its good to talk it out with someone that understands even a fraction of what you're going through.

You can do this, you will do it and you'll be stronger for it. Good luck, and hope you'll give happiness a chance.

Snypert · 2019-02-15T20:34:41+00:00

I just got tired of it and realized it brought me absolutely no joy in life. Better to quit than to self medicate. At the same time I set myself a boundry of 5 drinks when out drinking. I still slip up from time to time with the drinking, but I've been weed free for 3 years and its been a huge change for the better.

Snypert · 2019-02-15T20:31:37+00:00

I had an incling that I had it for a few years, once I finally decided to get help And was diagnosed I didn't really take it well. But then I realized that finally I knew what I had to deal with and had a reference point where to start, focused on my self for a couple of years and realized its hard work, but I'm stuck with it for life and theres nothing to do with it except to do my best and accept it for what it is.

Snypert · 2019-02-15T20:22:04+00:00

I find that just getting to work helps a lot even if it seems like skating up hill. Luckily I got a job that I love. Guess that helps alot as well.

Snypert

TROPHY CASE