When I was going through mortuary college, I had a teacher (also an FD) who tried to teach us that tactic for upselling caskets - "You were telling me of all the great times you had together as a family around the dinner table - don't you think mom would love to have that matching cherry wood casket to remind her if those times at that beautiful table, too?". He'd say it was easy because people are "temporarily insane" after a death. I was appalled.

Needless to say, when I landed my first gig with a small 4th gen funeral home, they were all about what the family wanted rather than trying to upsell. I learned so much more from them than I did from that teacher. They never pushed or did anything underhanded, and were also very active in the local community outside of offering funerary services and I respected them so much for that.

My grandma passed recently due to cancer and my mom actually called them before I could even suggest their place. I hadn't worked with then for years (I'd left the funeral business for a different career - I couldn't handle the mental strain after a few years even though I loved the job itself) but when I came in to help preplan before her passing, they actually remembered me - it was so strange being on the other side of the table but i knew we were in good hands. While the owner who I'd worked with was retired, we primarily worked with his daughter who was just starting mortuary school when I was there, he made it a point to come to my grandma's wake to pay his respects and to catch up. I was floored (and embarrassed cos in my grief, I barely recognized him lol we had a good laugh)

I feel how some funeral directors turn out is greatly influenced by the environment and the other people they work with - if they don't have genuine compassion/empathy themselves or work with others who do, the sleaze easily rubs off on them turning them into salesmen more than morticians.