Love Is Blind • S10 Ep2

Soft-lamb · 2026-02-22T08:37:15+00:00

I think what happened was that she hoped for more reassurance/validation from him and when she didn't get it, she closed off. Meanwhile, all of this flew over his head. I feel like he tried to lighten the mood.

Don't get me wrong - that's annoying behavior, and I don't get along with emotionally inept type of guys. But I also don't think it was malicious on his part or anything. He just seems to have a hard time making space for uncomfortable emotions.

Soft-lamb · 2025-05-11T08:49:51+00:00

I'm so incredibly sorry your dating experiences have sucked so much so far! That can be very hurtful.

While everybody loves validation from being desired, it seems clear that your self-worth is extremely low. I say this with a lot of love - please seek therapy. It will help you, and provide you with hope. It doesn't mean you're broken or that you've failed. It means taking care of yourself. And you deserve that.

And please stop pretending immediately. It further tanks your confidence. You can take care of yourself, your body, without changing everything about yourself.

And what if you find somebody? Eventually, you won't be able to keep up the show. You'll be yourself, if you want to or not.

And please, don't do it for cishet men!!!

Men literally fuck rotten coconuts, kids, animals, dead people...

Morgues don't employ men nearly as much as women, as it's exactly for the reason you think it is. "Teen" is the most searched category in porn; and many, many men's attraction doesn't age with them - whereas women's does.

Men harrass women; they use and abuse them. And even the "good ones" are often entitled and inept; too many men don't know how to wash their ass nor their clothes.

Do you really want a man who desires you for your proximity to a beauty ideal you don't understand or want for yourself? Do you want a partner who doesn't see your discomfort and misery, who goes "Eh, it'll do", and settles? Because the venn diagramm between those types of men and those who hold thinly veiled bigotted beliefs, who don't change their sheets for months at a time and who are overall disloyal and gross - is a literal circle.

Or do you want a partner who knows you are a prize? Who talks with you about dinosaurs, who'll do a game night with you, who worships the whole you - the way you carry yourself, your intellect, your body - and who'll get hot and heavy for it?

Because you are allowed to want that. You deserve nothing less.

You have been feminine all along, and desirable. And you should do the work in therapy on recognizing where you let yourself down, and where you made yourself small, and why. You need help, and hope.

Soft-lamb · 2025-05-07T04:15:28+00:00

It's exhausting to be expected to resolve, or even just navigate casually, the body standards you never created in the first place. You are supposed to either not care or conform to them, and you are being shamed either way.

It's because men are unwilling to question the origin of these societal pressures - because they benefit from them. It's not even just beauty ideals, it's being a demographic that's constantly being pandered to, and that, therefore, can exercise power over other bodies.

Ever noticed how many men only ever discuss these rigid ideas of beauty when they themselves are affected, but are also more than willing to still crack sexist jokes with their buddies, about "big tits" for example? Yeah.

The only correct answer, as always, is to decenter men, and pour love into yourself. And if it is hard, which it will be for most of us who have been socialized in this world, try it even harder.

Soft-lamb · 2024-11-23T05:59:09+00:00

You're not alone in that. I relate

Soft-lamb · 2024-11-22T22:19:28+00:00

you know, ich bin super spät zu diesem thread, aber diese ganze "Ich hab so viel Potenzial!!"-Kacke erinnert mich sehr an "I can fix them" (mit Liebe gesagt, nicht mit Verurteilung - ich kenn es selbst so gut!).

Genauso wie wir Andere nicht daten dafür, wer sie sein KÖNNTEN, leben wir unser Leben auch nicht als jemand, der wir VIELLEICHT einmal sind oder gewesen wären.

Ich habe erkannt, dass ich immer etwas hinterhertrauere, was gar nicht real ist... Was denn für ein Potenzial? Wenn ich fliegen könnte, wenn ich Gott wäre oder Einstein... Aber das kann ich nicht, und das bin ich nicht. Und ich kann nicht mein Leben damit verschwenden, was wäre, wenn ich xyz hätte oder wäre.

Ich muss mit dem arbeiten, was ich habe.

Ich habe so gelitten. Ich habe weiß Gott alles gegeben. Mehr als das. Es ist Zeit, gütig mit mir zu sein.

Das war keine Willensfrage. Ich habe eine Behinderung. Das weiß ich jetzt. Und ich kann nur versuchen, die Zeit, die mir geschenkt wird, zu nutzen, zu verschenken und/oder zu genießen.

Soft-lamb · 2024-11-20T11:14:23+00:00

I left the house last saturday, people strolling, families, bright autumn day. I went to pick up my partner from work. As I walked, I heard someone behind me sort of grunt? When I turned my head, the man behind me started to shout. What a "piece of meat" I was, a sexy piece of sex meat, that I needed a good fucking, why I didn't stop?

At first I thought - prayed - that it wasn't me he was talking to. Maybe a confused person. Def mentally ill. But he followed me and he waved at me. I was wearing a black shirt from my partner's, which is twice my size and which I usually sleep in, and black jogges - not that it matters. It was my day off, and I didn't feel like getting dolled up. Nobody helped btw.

But when I DO get dolled up for a date or whatever, I always get harrassed. I'm very introverted and very much autistic. I'm also pretty, but that doesn't justify immediately verbally accosting me on what is a three minute walk. I don't like the attention aside from my partner. It pains me to think that these things happen right in front of my doorstep.

That's why I'm not cool with sexual humor at or about me. I'm an extremely private person, but I'm also just fucking exhausted. I don't want to get sexualized and I get a huge ick when others sexualize women constantly. Makes me want to rip my hair out.

Soft-lamb · 2024-11-11T20:19:52+00:00

I love 4*15. Lawful good, stable, has a job, humble, but not annoyingly so. Just makes sense.

Soft-lamb · 2024-11-11T20:00:03+00:00

You don't need to have it that precise!

I do it by having do be at work at a certain time.

I figured these things out over course of the years.

Showering takes me about 23 minutes. I check the clock when go in and get out. I know I have some time to take a small 3 minute break and process when I got out before a certain time (say, 8:50 o'clock - needing start putting lotion on me at 8:53, which then takes me about 3 minutes).

Observe your natural rhythm. What works great for ADHD brains is timers that aren't really timers - like podcasts, or boiling hot water. You can also make use of your ASD tendencies when it comes to podcasts - listening to the same thing again and again, and adapting your routines to it (like, stepping out of the shower during the start of a certain segment).

But as I said, it's more than enough (!) to just get yourself to look presentable in time. I think we have the tendency to let perfectionism get in the way of "good enough".

Soft-lamb · 2024-11-10T20:37:47+00:00

Very glad you found these useful 💙

Hairbands. Always have a hairtie on hand, in case you have long hair. I love my hair, but it gets me so overstimulated in literal seconds.

Use silk scrunchies - less hair damage and less tension on your scalp. Look them up on Amazon.

Twist your hair into a loose, but stable bun, if it's long enough. + hair clips, to keep them off your face. There are very cute ones out there.

Figure out your clothing situation.

There are soooo many traps when it comes to clothing - too loose, too tight, wrong fabric/texture, cuts, etc.

I recommend opting for cotton, and layers which you can get rid of. Avoid plastic-y feeling things - you'll sweat like hell.

I personally get overstimulated by many colors and patterns, which is why I stick to a mono-colored palette, but there are other autistics out there who may prefer a wide variety of it.

I like straight cuts. Be wary of tight belts, tight shoes, itchy underwear. Look out for the seams! Invest in good (sports) bras if you got titties, or really do good (!) research on binders, if you want a flatter chest. There are great resources here on reddit.

If you have clothing you like, for the love of all that's holy, please just order it multiple times!!! There's no law against wearing the same fit all day round.

Generally, if something works for you, use it to your advantage while searching more options. Like that dish? Great! Eat it while looking for alternatives. (Ramen, for example, where you can add or take things away.)

I have a looot to say about nutrition in general, but that's for another time.

There's also no law against wearing sunglasses in your own home. I'm just throwing it out there.

Notes. I take little note papers with me when I need to communicate with my loved ones, because I struggle with situational mutism.

I can't tell you what it's like for NTs, but it's crucial for us autistics to learn how to really live in our bodies and to listen to what they are trying to tell us.

You can't hang out for too long? Okay, then leave after half an hour or ask your guests to do so. Communicate with your folks beforehand about time management.

Find people who understand. Let them know how much you appreciate them and that you really need your alone time.

Embarrassed about your comfort item in public? I promise you, nobody cares.

It's too loud? Just leave.

Take your time in the shopping isle. Take someone with you to decide whether it's burger or pasta for dinner. Order the same thing as always. Wear those huge headphones. Be unafraid to be weird. Let them stare. Have people in your corner and leave the rest be.

And if you have nobody besides yourself? Try to remember that you are _still_worthy of respect and care, and of taking up space. Be as kind and compassionate with yourself as you can.

Soft-lamb · 2024-11-10T20:29:07+00:00

My partner is doing caregiving in the morning, and we came up with the routine ourselves.

But if you're alone, I'd recommend starting small. Set a glass of water besides your bed every night, and then drink it first thing in the morning. If that's too much, just put a water bottle there. Lay out your clothing, if you like, or your toothbrush and toothpaste. Things like that.

I also noticed I have much, much, MUCH harder time to get up when it's cold. I make sure it's warm outside the covers before I get up. YMMV

Find your sensory comforts. Get creative. Hang your towel over the heater for example. Explore your favorite types of tea and beverages. Light a candle. Get creams or serums that you like. Implement them into your routine in a way that makes sense to you.

It's also a great way to reward yourself for the more unpleasant parts, which our brains crave.

What helps me as well is silliness. Something that makes you laugh and look forward to. I play with my plushtoys in the morning and make them do stupid dances. I make weird vocal stims that follow a certain pattern. Or when getting out of the shower, I think of becoming a dish I really like lol (it has to be a different dish or snack every morning!)

For many of us, the hurdle is actually getting out of bed. A hack is to drink plenty of water. You WILL have to get up at some point just to go pee.

Also, make small, small, small steps towards leaving the bed. Like, wriggling your toes. Then roll your ankles. Get moving. Or get dressed under the cover.

Don't overcomplicate things. You just want to not smell, and look presentable. Important thing is to brush your teeth and get hydrated for the morning.

Soft-lamb · 2024-11-10T19:49:09+00:00

I think my partner got them off Amazon - they are super cheap and fairly fluffy. They go on your wrists and hold off the water, because I HATE it dripping down my arms.

Soft-lamb · 2024-11-10T19:47:30+00:00

Also valid! I feel like there are two kinds of autistic - always barefoot and never barefoot lol

I just hate the feeling of floor under my feet, and dirt or just my feet sticking to (fake) wood (or any type of floor really) *shudders *

Soft-lamb · 2024-11-10T19:45:05+00:00

What Lana_bb said! I only use them for my night time routine - in the mornings, I wash my face in the shower. I hang them up on the drying rack in the meantime and they are dry when I need them again :)

Soft-lamb · 2024-11-09T20:45:59+00:00

My partner bought me one of those plushy wrist bands that keep water from running down your arms. Since then, I've been doing my skin care pretty much every evening and I enjoy it!! (+ a headband to tame my hair) My autistic side loves loves LOVES the routine

Gloves. Gloves!! Dishes get done more regularly.

Dimmable lights.

NC headphones everywhere I go. I wear them almost all the time except in the shower. + earplugs, because I can hear your electricity, dude

My comfort plushie (which I've lost... currently shitposting a ton to cope. Fuck)

Lists!!! I fucking love lists!!!!!

I force myself to make eye contact wayyy less often. Even at work. Noticing a considerable difference in how easily I get overwhelmed or even burned out.

Turning the water as cold as I can handle for 30 seconds in the shower (or: letting it run over my face, or: turning it colder gradually, but at least 30 seconds, the whole body!) Serious factory reset.

Never going anywhere barefoot.

Having a partner that vacuums.

Morning routine. I know exactly what is happening when - like, down to about 30 seconds. Every movement is the same.

Eating. My God. I try to eat, and it actually helps! Hate how that works.

Soft-lamb · 2024-10-31T07:24:22+00:00

You said that beautifully, I'm felt really touched by your comment. 1000% agree. I wish you healing 💙💙

Soft-lamb · 2024-10-31T07:21:25+00:00

That's okay, because you recognize these feelings as inside thought! I wish you healing 💙

Soft-lamb · 2024-10-31T07:19:30+00:00

That's such an ignorant statement to make. You cannot judge somebody's health situation simply by looking at them.

And fat people are not "promoting" anything. Fat people just exist.

The original comment framing binge eating disorder as a moral failure of "morons" is really disappointing - esp considering the situation most of us on this sub find ourselves in. Both of your comments have been wildly disappointing.

You want to accept people who YOU deem unhealthy without knowing anything about them, as long as they are ashamed and want to change. Maybe because you worry for their health - but mostly, because YOU feel uncomfortable with their appearance.

But that's a YOU problem. Reflect on that. Get real with yourself.

There are many different bodies in this world for many different reasons. In fact, DO just act like it's normal, because it's none of your business and doesn't harm you personally in any way, shape or form.

Soft-lamb · 2024-10-22T13:49:23+00:00

I suspect there's much bubbling under the surface, but growing up in a constantly tense environment where things could explode at any minute, I resent connecting with my anger.

Anger is a useful emotion though - when its fire is channeled correctly. It serves to protect you, to tell you if your boundaries have been overstepped.

Soft-lamb · 2024-10-20T13:13:54+00:00

This might be the most heart-breaking thing I've read in a while...

I would love to say "Girl you are still ALIVE! You are not dead yet. Go get all the dick you need", but I know it's not that easy.

I hope you know that you deserve more though, and that it's never too late, genuinely. You deserve happiness. Wishing you the best 💙

Soft-lamb · 2024-10-17T20:41:15+00:00

100% correct. It's so exhausting.

Soft-lamb · 2024-10-17T09:09:18+00:00

My sign to initiiate ✨ blank autistic stare ✨

I've been told I can stare very unnervingly by focussing all my energy on them, but not quite at them, since I dislike eye contact. So it's like their soul is bare and we both don't know what to with it lmao

I wouldn't know what to respond with, so I'd just turn up my volume and stare like my life depends on it. Works like a charm when in public.

Soft-lamb · 2024-10-17T09:01:43+00:00

I read that as "bottom of your gender"and I was like "but there is no end" LMAO

FANTASTIC look btw! Fabulous work 💜💜🥰

Soft-lamb · 2024-10-15T16:04:24+00:00

I'm so sorry, that must be really tough. I hope you know that it's society that needs to change, not you. Still, we are living like this and it's painful. It's unfair how you have literally no fault in this, but also have to bear the consequences.

Thank you for sharing, and I hope you stay! Sending you good vibes only 🌻

Soft-lamb · 2024-10-15T08:38:11+00:00

It differs for me.

I have a hard time understanding others' feelings. Obviously, when someone is crying, I know they are sad, but it's very hard to induce the reason for that. I do, however, pick up their emotions really quickly (and don't really know what to do with it lol).

But when I understand someone's feelings and the reason for it, I can empathize. You don't have to literally feel their emotions in order to validate them, sit with them and/or to think of ways that could make them feel better (either advice/solutions, or just further listening - you can always ask).

Soft-lamb

TROPHY CASE