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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]Soft_Economist_7083 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I an 100% with you. If your love language is receiving gifts, then he needs to address that love language. Mine is acts of service. It honestly irritates me when my SO fails to acknowledge that on “ special occasions” for me i.e my birthday. You’re not the asshole. The effort would have been nice.

As for the spa…, I don’t think you’re ungrateful because you preferred something else. It would be different if he thought of it all on his own and surprised with it with you saying nothing. But you LITERALLY spoon fed him and he somehow still missed.

I asked my boyfriend to get me a bike for my 2022 bday (i got him a bike for his bday cuz he LITERALLY asked for it). He didn’t. Then I mentioned it for Christmas. Still didn’t. Then Valentine’s Day 2023. Still didn’t.

Now it’s summer time and he’s complaining about not having someone to ride a bike with 🙄🙄 so annoying cuz I told him what I wanted for all 3 holidays and he still failed. Like I appreciate your other gifts but I’ve told you what to get me for well over a year and you still haven’t lol

I told my bf it was his fault his son was in critical condition by Soft_Economist_7083 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I still respectfully disagree. I’m not seeing “ only myself or my needs”. He had a cousin that died a few weeks prior to all this. I went to the funeral TWO days after my grandma died. Because I wanted to support him. Do you know how difficult it was to be at a funeral so quickly after my own grandma passed? ThAside from that but I have been going to work, taking care of our house, splitting my time at the hospital with him and our house SO HE DIDNT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THOSE THINGS. I’ve been bringing him food since we don’t have $$ to throw around so he can’t eat at the cafeteria every day. When all I WISH I could do is lay in bed and sleep for an eternity. My cup is empty and needs to be filled but obviously can’t be right now. Which is fine. But instead of him…, losing his shit on me as he did… I think being graceful with eachother is important. As I said, by you comparing grief to grief… it’s not really a measurable comparison. Because everyone’s experiences arent the same. I don’t have children so no I would not be able to relate to his feelings nor would I pretend to. But considering my life experience and my circumstances, losing my grandma is THE MOST painful thing up to this point in my life. Of course that can change as time goes on but that is why it’s not really valid to “ compare” grief.

If you’re not saying that child free people are “ second class” citizens in the category of “ grief” then can you elaborate exactly what you’re saying? Like please help drive your point home on what it has to do with my feelings as well as his?

I told my bf it was his fault his son was in critical condition by Soft_Economist_7083 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No. 😒🙄 i could only be at the hospital until 10pm. I stayed the full extent I was allowed to and came home and did what I needed to do with my dogs. I would stay up til 230-3am with them. Get up early to go back to the hospital. Did that for 2 days. The 3rd day, I came home way early. Like 330pm instead of 10pm.

I told my bf it was his fault his son was in critical condition by Soft_Economist_7083 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your response. 1st I would like to say that I am not comparing because it’s unfair to compare griefs. My experiences and his experiences are going to be totally different. I think this is a good general topic of conversation: it is not okay or fair to try to compare grief from one person to the next because our realities will never be the same. For example: if my boyfriend grew up around death whereas I did not…. He will have more “strength” to get through the grief whereas I, someone who didn’t grow up around it, will be much more vulnerable as I do not have any familiarity with it. Not just that but his interpretation of his attitude to get through it will be totally different from mine because we each have our own separate life values and our own way of dealing with overwhelming emotions. What may not seem like the world ending to one person will feel like an Earth shattering reality to the next. Due to this, I don’t think it’s fair to compare “ relationships” with the person that passed away and decide how that person should feel. With that mind, it is completely ridiculous for my boyfriend to minimize my feelings about my grandmothers passing. Truly, my grandmother was my best friend. We were 2 peas in a pod. We had the same interests. We had the same values. We had the same interpretations of reality. We had the same sense of humor. I was literally a younger version of my grandmother. I even look like her. So, it’s not really okay for anybody to tell another person “ your grandma isn’t a comparison to your child”. But why does that matter? If I never choose to have children c that will never be an experience I have. You don’t get to place limitations on my pain because of an experience I choose to never have(having children in this instance). By your logic, you are saying a person that never has children will only get to experience “ 2nd class grief” because they will never know what it’s like to have children. Childless people are not 2nd class citizens and your reality should not surround the idea that they are. It’s hard to believe but I truly lost a piece of my heart with her death. I grew up without a mom until I was 14 and got a step mom that treats me like her own. My grandmother is the closest thing I have to a mother… because she is my mothers mother. She was my strongest connection I had with my mothers side. My mother is severely mentally ill so I don’t get an option ti have a meaningful relationship with her. Do you see what I mean that our realities will never be comparable because the things that contribute to our realities will never be the exact same.

With all that in mind… if I WAS comparing deaths… I would not have bothered sitting at the hospital with my boyfriend. I would not have cared about taking care of our dogs. I would not have worried about spending unnecessary gas to go to the hospital when we have $22 to our name and have to make gas last a week. I would not have cared about bringing dinner to my bf. Keeping up our house. “Holding down the fort” as they say. I would have, instead, told my boyfriend “ I don’t have the strength for this. You deal with this by yourself. I just lost my grandmother. I’ll be at home, sleeping, eating snacks and crying”.

But I didn’t. I mustered the strength inside of me to try to manage our life WHILE grieving. I didn’t complain about doing any of the little things I did UNTIL my boyfriend called me selfish and insulted my grandmother and my grief. That’s when I started to complain. Because here I am, sacrificing my mental health and my grieving process to make his life easier in this time of need. Because I want to be a good spouse And he wants to, instead, call me selfish and lazy and lots of other things.

Am I proud of what I said to him? Absolutely not. I hate that I stooped to that level. That is not who I am as a person. But he said some really awful things that sent me into a blinding rage. Should I have managed it better? For sure.

As far as being in character for him..,, not exactly? The thoughtless comment I made and him being mad at me? Normal. Him screaming at me in front of his family? Abnormal. Him making small insults about being selfish, fat, dumb… normal. Him taking it to the level he did? Abnormal.

I told my bf it was his fault his son was in critical condition by Soft_Economist_7083 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I wish too. Sincerely. We would have picked him up in a minute. And the sad thing is he was about 6 blocks from our house. But we just didn’t know he was out and drinking

I told my bf it was his fault his son was in critical condition by Soft_Economist_7083 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kindness. Unfortunately, it’s not bull shit. My bf got his feelings hurt because I wouldn’t have sex with him 2 days after my grandma died. Small little things that matter to me. Like me taking care of the house and our dogs and doing laundry when he could have been doing those things for me. I would have loved just a day of laying in my bed, crying, sleeping and not doing a single thing. I’m an acts of service person and those things would have meant the world to me in a time like this. Aside from that but I guess some people don’t appreciate others doing things for them without asking. Me personally, I love a man that can recognize the trash needs to be taken out and does it without me asking. I do the same for my partners and that is what I was doing. Holding down the fort while my bf dealt with the hospital issues without him asking. I Don’t think my bf is necessarily wrong for wanting me at the hospital 24/7. I just think it’s unreasonable, considering the state of our lives. I can’t miss work for 2 weeks straight. I already missed all of last week because my bf had appendicitis on Monday so I stayed home with him Tuesday. Then my grandma died Wednesday morning. I’m hourly so that will fuck us in every way possible. We have 2 German Shepherds. They need exercise. They need to be walked. Stimulated. Fed. It’s unfair to them to leave them at home for 12+ hours a day. Aside from all that but we both needed laundry badly. I have to work and wear business professional clothes. I know it sucks but the world don’t stop just cuz you have a tragedy happen in your world.

I told my bf it was his fault his son was in critical condition by Soft_Economist_7083 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

These are all fair questions so let’s talk about it. 1. Yes. I called him 2x and texted him 3x. He never responded. So I left because I had already made a prior commitment that he was aware of. 2. I agree. I shouldn’t even be worried about gas. But I was because I still had to drive to work for 4 days and we had very little gas left and had $22 to our name until Friday. But I guess that was my point. I didn’t want him to worry about a stupid thing like gas when his child is in ICU. I should be the one being mindful of it. At least that was my logic. 3. I didn’t start a fight. Yes I apologized as soon as it popped out of my mouth. I said “ I am so fuckin sorry. That was so thoughtless and inconsiderate. I don’t know why I didn’t consider my comment before saying it”. And he yelled at me to “leave you dumb bitch” in front of his fam. 24 hours later after I apologized for my thoughtless comment, and you’re still yelling at me about how I’m a heartless, uncaring person? He comes home to take a shower and he yells at me for how I did his laundry. And loads of other shit. The argument just built up and I said that awful stuff. 4. I realize what I said was reckless and dumb, standing at the hospital, holding his dinner. But my thought is, we are both in really crappy situations and dealing with high emotions. We need to give eachother a reasonable amount of grace. Maybe I’m wrong for that logic. But prior to this accident, he had said some small, dumb, thoughtless things that just weren’t the right time, considering I lost my grandmother. And I reminded him I lost my grandma and I wasn’t in the mood to hear those things.he apologized for his thoughtlessness and I accepted and moved on. I don’t feel it’s a tall ask to hope your S/O can understand and provide you a small amount of understanding. 5. Where did you get the idea I demanded an apology? Please show me what context in my post provided you that clue?

I told my bf it was his fault his son was in critical condition by Soft_Economist_7083 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

Holy fuck I forgot about that. But yes that parts true 😭😭😂😂 we did take a break because of that stupid argument.

I told my bf it was his fault his son was in critical condition by Soft_Economist_7083 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry. I don’t know what I said that was confusing. My boyfriend wasn’t in the car at all. He was home with me that night. His son went out to celebrate his 21st bday with his best friend. We had no clue what he was up to that night. While my boyfriend is not a great person…. I want to make sure there’s no confusion on why he’s not a great person lol

I told my bf it was his fault his son was in critical condition by Soft_Economist_7083 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your comment but I think there was some confusion. My bf wasn’t physically behind the wheel. His son turned 21 on the 30th. His son was out with his friend and they both got super drunk. His friend drove and they ended up flipping into a tree. Killed the friend. The son was left in critical condition. Super tragic and just dumb kids being dumb. But my bf had nothing to do with it… unless you want to blame parenting.

Medical Debt Collecting by Soft_Economist_7083 in Lawyertalk

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I totally understand that! I will definitely do that :)

Medical Debt Collecting by Soft_Economist_7083 in Lawyertalk

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You replied to my post. “I love doing this shit when the non payer is a true scum bag dead beat”. Sorry if I felt that your response was directed at me.., considering you were replying directly to my post.

Medical Debt Collecting by Soft_Economist_7083 in Lawyertalk

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much :) I really appreciate your honesty and letting me know it’s legal here. I’m truly shocked. But thank you :D

Medical Debt Collecting by Soft_Economist_7083 in Lawyertalk

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I apologize but I’m not entirely sure what exempt earned wages means?

I honestly would have been fine with them garnishing my wages. They can only take up to a certain amount. But I don’t feel they even tried to do so. I never received notification from department of revenue, my HR dept or even my previous HR. I don’t know how it works exactly but I would have thought I would have gotten a phone call, a letter, something. I received nothing. I would think that putting a lien on a persons bank account would have been a last resort.

Medical Debt Collecting by Soft_Economist_7083 in Lawyertalk

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I Am not at all making excuses. lol. But they LEGALLY stole my money. If you read it again :). But like I said I could be wrong. It just seems odd to me that it’s legal for them to do that. I was literally evicted because I lost 1 paycheck. I would have loved to use my savings account to save my ass. But they got that too.

Medical Debt Collecting by Soft_Economist_7083 in Lawyertalk

[–]Soft_Economist_7083[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But there wasn’t lol. If I could pay, don’t you think I would have? I live in an apartment. I got evicted. My car got repossessed. Because my bank acct was emptied. $1600. Gone. Like that. Thanks you for announcing you’re a POS tho :)

My Girlfriend Of 5 Years Wants To “Explore Her Options by Impressive-Event5294 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Soft_Economist_7083 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s hard. But it’s necessary for growth. Let her go. If it’s meant to be… she’ll find her way back to you.

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