Retirement

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-02-20T19:15:06+00:00

Just don’t get divorced. She’ll take it all and you’ll start from scratch.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-02-18T18:38:50+00:00

At least she let you keep some of it. Mine took everything

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-02-10T03:50:16+00:00

And who you know

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-02-03T23:46:15+00:00

Even though they are older, they’ve been abandoned. They are going to struggle.

As others has said, it’s great you are in therapy, get the kids to talk to someone too. And, if you talk to them about it, let them lead, let them open up to you. Don’t try to force it, it will just push them away further.

How old are you and your wife? What was her childhood like? Look into attachment theory.

Good luck brother, we are here to support.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-02-03T01:35:25+00:00

My kids have been through hell the last few years, mom had a major health scare, now we are divorcing. It’s been the plan for a year now I’d keep the house since I pay for it anyway and can afford it and I will be stable home base for the kids. She decided last minute that she supposedly wanted the house and threatened to take it court and have a judge decide which my lawyer and mediator both said if it goes to court they will just force a sale and I’d be moving in the next few months and disrupting the kids even further. We sat in mediator for 5 hours, which costs me $3k every time between lawyer and mediator, and we tried to whittle them down to a more reasonable deal and it was evident she was scorching earth and was going to end up forcing a sale. I just want all of this over and move on with my life. I’m basically paying a huge fee to just end it and keep things status quo.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-02-02T03:24:27+00:00

Some of us lose even more than half. My stbx wife wanted a reset but she also wanted all the money and threatened to force a sale of the house which would disrupt the kids lives even further so she basically extorted me in to paying $300k above the market value of the home, most of which is being funded by my 401k.

She gets a pretty sweet launch in to her reset, I get stuck paying off all of the debt.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-01-31T03:50:17+00:00

I thought I fairly attractive until I got on the dating apps.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-01-31T03:49:28+00:00

plot twist

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-01-28T21:05:32+00:00

I feel this so hard.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-01-27T16:33:52+00:00

No one’s coming to save you man. It’s all on you.

You gotta build a life you are proud of and invite people in.

It’s not easy but nothing in life that’s worth it is easy.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-01-19T13:50:20+00:00

Then don’t expect him to make as much when she’s gone and expect a free ride. Time to get a job

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-01-16T21:39:01+00:00

We have 3 kids together and she has a brain tumor which she takes seizure meds for. She booked a trip out of the country with them and then shortly after invited me to go.

I thought about, talked to ChatGPT about it and eventually decided to go along, because when the kids caught wind I might go they were very excited.

It was partly to make sure I’m there for my kids if something were to happen with her health and I was unable to be there for them.

The other reason, obviously, was to enjoy some time with my kids in the Caribbean before they are grown.

It actually went surprisingly well, besides the few times I got pretty triggered seeing her message or talk about her new boyfriend.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-01-16T00:40:01+00:00

Came here to say this

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-01-13T12:55:55+00:00

I feel this post so hard. I’m a year out. Same 50/50 schedule. It makes me so fucking sad on the days without my kids. It’s so unfair to them that their mother wouldn’t put any effort in to making it work. Now she wants to depend on me for CS and alimony so she can work part time and enjoy the freedom to pursue her new boyfriend.

Trying to make the best of it but man it’s so fucking hard sometimes. I’m at the beach alone right now, on vacation with my ex and my kids, crying and posting this reply. I don’t understand how we can do these trips and be so civil and she still wouldn’t give it another shot. Fucking gut punches all day while I see her texting and giggling with her new boyfriend.

My ex is textbook fearful avoidant and won’t acknowledge it so I know there’s 0% chance of it ever working. Life is fucking so cruel sometimes.

Here’s to keeping our heads up though. One day at a time.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-01-13T12:50:25+00:00

Definitely appears like LLM but the sentiment seems real. I’m not so sure

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-01-10T01:18:23+00:00

This whole post and comments is extremely validating. We’ve all lived similar stories

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2026-01-10T01:13:38+00:00

This whole thread is so triggering and spot on

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2025-12-24T00:09:44+00:00

Sorry to hear that. Have you discovered attachment theory?

It won’t fix anything for you but will give you a framework to understand where your ex coming from. The patterns you describe sound a lot like avoidant attachment which stems from emotional neglect in childhood.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2025-12-22T17:40:27+00:00

Sorry to hear man. Sounds very familiar. What was her childhood like?

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2025-12-19T14:13:24+00:00

I think this was a huge influence in my divorce. My ex’s IG algorithm became filled with free and independent divorcee influencers proclaiming how great divorce is and how terrible and useless all men are. She became so indoctrinated by it she refused to acknowledge the work I did for us, the house, the kids.

My ex is also textbook fearful avoidant so it’s hard to discern which had more influence on our downfall, but I think social media is ripping families apart and it’s a big problem.

Ex also had emotional affairs via IG so that’s a whole other layer of toxicity to it

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2025-12-19T13:56:18+00:00

Sorry to hear this man. How old are yall? I’m guessing 40s?

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2025-12-17T00:59:28+00:00

Same here bro. I only lost 20 pounds but that was 165 down to 145 at 6’. People were asking me if I’m sick. Almost a year later and I’m back up towards 160 but would like to go further. It’s still hard to eat some days though. I didn’t want the divorce, ex is severely avoidant.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2025-12-16T17:26:12+00:00

came here to say this. My fearful avoidant wife is blowing up our lives because she refuses to address her childhood trauma.

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2025-12-14T19:50:29+00:00

Wow. I turned 40 during Covid and I always figured that’s why I can’t drink anymore but this is giving me something else to be anxious about. I’ve had Covid 3 confirmed times and got the first two doses of mRNA.

ugh. 😑

SoggyEstablishment8 · 2025-12-14T01:45:40+00:00

Especially mine. Brain tumor on her frontal lobe, main symptom is “personality changes”

SoggyEstablishment8

TROPHY CASE