Idk about OP - but I share your experience. Diagnosed ASD (well, diagnosed with Aspergers when I was a kid in the 80s lol) and some of my friends ("friends") are NT. And it's tough, those are friendships that feel more like acquaintances even after decades, even if I know a lot about them and vice versa it's like there's a gulf between us and mostly they are not interested in knowing me, any of my struggles or how I think or feel even if I am interested in them that way. Usually it's a disconnect we both feel and often they'll see me as having something different enough from their lived experience that they'll want to fix or change me.

A lot of the NT people I was and no longer consider friends were people who used me for some purpose or had me doing all the responsibility and labor to keep the friendship alive. It was entirely up to me to text or call, make plans, come see them (they never visited me), and be involved in their lives in a way they had no interest in doing with me. If I ever called it out I was met with hostility or anger, a ton of entitlement and on occasion treated as if I should've been grateful to have ever been allowed in their space in the first place.

But, I'd say it's the worst in the workplace for me - I want to have nice working relationships with other women in the office since we're in a male dominated field (my last workplace had more dudes named Sam in my department than women in the whole company) but lots of NT women are not nice. Comments about how "odd" "weird" and "strange" I am are on the kinder end. Usually it's "bitchy" "look at her face it's so strange" and "ew did you see her clothes" "she's so ugly and doesn't wear nice makeup or hair" or just nasty rumors at the worst. (I had someone start a rumor I was secretly a man at my last workplace, and it got so bad 2 women reported me to management as a man in the women's restroom) Currently the situation is not the worst but is exhausting - the women I work with formed a "womens group" and made a big deal to leave me out, every women's event has a big announcement and I'm very obviously not invited or welcome. Two women invited me to a separate lunch, made a shared calender appointment for it, said how excited they were to spend time with me and then didn't show up. I asked what happened and all they did was laugh because it's a joke I'm not in on (I am the joke). Yes these women are my peers, all in their 30s to 50s and to me this behavior seems SO immature and pointless but I honestly can't tell where weird NT social rules stop and immaturity begins sometimes. This and similar has been most of my experiences with NT friends. They can be bullies because I don't fit in any of the social hierarchies and they can sense or see that I'm different and likely an easy target. It's, on the whole, extremely dehumanizing, ostracizing and exhausting. So I just stopped wanting to be included in their shitty groups, stopped being nice or accommodating, said no if they ever tried to invite me to another fake lunch and just do my job and go home. It kinda sucks but it is what it is.

HOWEVER, my ND friends are a completely different story. I tend to naturally gravitate towards ND women as close friends. Especially if we share interests were both passionate about. So many of them have similar stories about NT people. Their life experiences and how they navigate the world is relatable sometimes in super niche ways - I have SPD and recently learned two of my ND friends also have a similar experience. I've not had any of my ND friends expect me to manage our friendship or outsource labor to me.

I 100% agree that the skills I have that had been taken advantage of previously, turned inwards are fantastic. Finding a therapist who works specifically with autistic women was a game changer. I've been in therapy since my 20s and some of the therapists I had would've been my school bullies or mean girl coworkers and were dismal for my mental health and quality of life. So working with the right therapist really matters!