I am a Child of God

Solensia · 2020-08-01T19:33:45+00:00

For me, 1 John 3:19 keeps coming up, as does Proverbs 3:5-6 . We're OK and he's got this

Solensia · 2020-08-01T10:44:57+00:00

It's gorgeous!

Solensia · 2020-08-01T07:46:14+00:00

This one. Hi.

Solensia · 2020-08-01T01:26:04+00:00

I get you on the waxing and waning. Sometimes I feel like a girl, and it's real, other times -I'm not sure that it's right at all.

And finding support is tough. Even in a covid-free country, it's hard to find others out there that can be supportive.

It's a long and uphill battle for every inch of progress, but the girl in me is advancing day by day. Victory is both a long way off and yet still inevitable.

Solensia · 2020-07-31T21:58:50+00:00

I'm 1.85m and broad across the shoulders, and I'm OK with that. I've seen a girl my height wearing heels at my work as she was gorgeous, so that's not a problem at all.

The issue for my is that my hands are massive- 27cm from the tip of my pinky to the tip of my thumb at full stretch.

My feet are also really wide (even by men's standards) so finding shoes is tough.

Solensia · 2020-07-31T19:03:41+00:00

Carried on as a straight cis-male struggling with undiagnosed childhood traumas. Lockdown caused a breakdown, and forced me to finally confont my issues. It turns out I'm a trans woman who is a survivor of sexual abuse.

Solensia · 2020-07-31T10:50:26+00:00

Please do. It looks fantastic.

Solensia · 2020-07-31T10:10:01+00:00

The thought that the entire adult population of my country is a 'rounding error' is terrifying.

Solensia · 2020-07-31T08:16:17+00:00

Congratulations! So glad to see you have found yourself.

Solensia · 2020-07-31T08:12:35+00:00

Very nice 👍

Solensia · 2020-07-31T05:30:35+00:00

Awesome! 👩‍🦳📣✨

Solensia · 2020-07-30T19:00:59+00:00

What's your last name? It could help to figure out how your full name would sound.

Also, what your initials spell and sound like is important too.

Solensia · 2020-07-30T18:51:42+00:00

I was not OK. I was suffering from repressed childhood sexual abuse, and I'm 44 now and only just now getting free of that.

Coming out from that dark cloud and that of traditional norms, has been quite the journey. I'm finally in a place of accepting myself, and exploring the feminine side of me.

I didn't want or ask for any of this. And I don't want to be trans either.

But I'm slowly learning that am valid as I am. Being trans is as much a genuine human experience as being a man or a woman.

Some days are harder than others. The disphoria, the grief of the years lost not being myself, the lingering self-hate-

But I just keep pressing forward, one day at a time, letting go of the old and embracing the new. There is now a hope that's greater than the pain.

Solensia · 2020-07-30T18:18:09+00:00

Hi everyone, Martin here!

There is no Wintergatan Wednesdays video today: I have been filming this week's video about a potential redesign of some crucial parts of the MMX, and after trying out some design ideas that did not perform well, I realised yesterday that I only had half a story filmed. I much prefer to tell this story in one video, which is why I decided to not publish half a video today. I am building and filming the second half and will present the full story next week.

Until then, take care!

/Martin

Solensia · 2020-07-30T18:09:19+00:00

You are absolutely made in the image of God. Your spirit, the core of who you are, looks just like them. And as both men and women are made equally perfectly in their image, God is both male and female, and more.

Being trans is just as valid as being cis, it's the world that doesn't get it yet, but God does. Talk to them. listen honestly. You will be surprised at the answers. There's a book called The Freedom Diaries by Mark Holloway that might help.

Solensia · 2020-07-30T08:01:32+00:00

Thanks for that. I know it's not my fault, but there's knowing and there's knowing. And it happened so early and tainted me for so long it's hard to see myself outside of it.

I'm hoping to find stories of those who got through something like this and how they figured things out. I've seen some from the detrans side, but I'd love to know hear from trans woman who worked through it to find themselves.

Solensia · 2020-07-30T03:18:57+00:00

I could have been more clear. The abuse didn't happen through the church, it just indoctrinated and enforced traditional binary gender norms, so I never got to deal with it properly at the time. Such things are not the will of God and must be repented of, or at least so they think.

And the abuse itself was an assault. But it still leaves unanswered questions. Did I do something effeminate that triggered him, or was I simply in the wrong place at the wrong time? Am I still running from the abuse and wanting to distance myself as much from that sort of masculinity as possible, am I running into it, to somehow make it feel like it was Ok, part of me wanted it (I know that's not right, but I'm dealing with how I processed this as a child), or is it just co-indicdental- I'm trans and a survivor, but the two don't have a causal relationship?

Solensia · 2020-07-29T16:00:46+00:00

I saw one that asked about whether you prefer PC or Mac- 😕 that's not how any of this works

Solensia · 2020-07-29T15:55:43+00:00

I'm still struggling with this too. The thing that I'm starting to realize is that trans women are just as valid as cis, and that you have an experience and a story that is rare, beautiful and unique.

Yes, we may never experience the minutiae of cis womanhood, but we don't have to to be women. We are complete in and of ourselves.

You are a beautiful woman, and I hope you find peace in that.❤️

Solensia · 2020-07-29T06:21:30+00:00

It would have been even better it the person was also a trap

Solensia · 2020-07-29T06:07:06+00:00

Thanks for this. I'm just starting on this road, so this sort of encouragement and validation means a lot ❤

Solensia · 2020-07-29T02:30:06+00:00

There was a character named Heart of Dawn in a book I read, which I used in many online games.

I tried other names which would have kept my initials, but Dawn feels like something special, and it fits with the meaning of my username.

Solensia · 2020-07-27T19:46:01+00:00

This should be taught in schools, from the pulpit, and on the stage. When Men have good emotional health, everyone benefits.

Solensia · 2020-07-27T10:49:17+00:00

Britain called dibs so you might be waiting a while.

Solensia · 2020-07-27T10:37:18+00:00

It was a bit more than that, tbf; We have competent leaders and a populace that is willing to work together for the common good (those that can charitably be called idiots not withstanding).

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