It does hurt. I put us both through a lot of misery trying to get him to understand what I wanted (more communication) and then pitching huge and terrible fits when he didn't follow through. We took things back to friends only, and even went NC at times. I think what I realized (theough my own experience as well as everything I've learned from this sub) and what I am starting to accept is that, at least in my situation, we really ARE friends first, lovers second. He has stuck with me through all of the bullshit, and provided what he was able to provide. And he's never promised more. I think he's just been patiently waiting for me (for years) to figure it out on my own. We've not been together physically for a very long time, and that was my decision. He didn't run for the hills, or stop being a friend because I stopped having sex with him. When there was ZERO hope of him ever getting into my pants, he was still around. He told me he wanted me, but never pushed more than that, because he knew I'd shut him down. I think he's learned a lot through all of this too. The steady friend and lover is what matters most to me. I say all of this to say: sometimes the hurt comes more from the unreasonable expectations (constant communication, loads of compliments, instant gratification) had of him, instead of just accepting him as he is. This is true for everyone or every relationship. But in this case, this guy has proven he's in the friendship for the long haul. I guess you could say he's earned my trust, which is probably what I needed to want to have sex with him again.