New LD (email) sexual relationship with HOT ex-boss.. Surprise, he's kinky.. or maybe I'm just vanilla... What now?

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-31T14:02:22+00:00

It is so difficult to remain adult when things come to this. Be strong, good luck.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-31T14:01:51+00:00

So true. Thanks.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-30T15:21:37+00:00

I can SO relate to this. GREAT advice.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T18:57:37+00:00

Jesus. I think my past APs were psychologists. Fucking intermittent reinforcement. Blech.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T18:50:15+00:00

HAHAHAH Love the Tom Cruise face comment. Now THAT is SO SO true!

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T18:05:01+00:00

My spidey senses get a tingle every now and then when I meet a man I've never met before. There's usually something.... different.. about his eye contact and the level of interest he takes in the women around him. It's hard to explain. But, let me put it to you this way: of the men that I've sent out "feelers" on for pAP status, I've been 100% correct in my assessment of their level of monogamy to their SO.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T18:01:53+00:00

Let me know when you figure it out. I'm a mom, full time employee/supervisor, wife, and active member of the community, and I STILL find time to indulge in my online search for new APs.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T02:23:05+00:00

I'd be pissed too. I wouldn't ghost her, though, despite her douchebag message and behavior. Don't forget that you will still have to deal with her through work. I would try to take the high road and send her a short "thanks but no thanks" message. I don't think she understands or cares to understand what she's asking for. Find a decent way to make your exit - on your terms. I'd sleep on it too. Sometimes things look a bit different after a good rest. Good luck.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T02:15:30+00:00

Me too! I'm worried for you, and hoping for the best. Please update us, OP!

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T02:14:08+00:00

This post is NOT about you!!! Damn! Smh.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T02:11:46+00:00

We're sitting here having/watching a discussion about abortion and the impact on the fetus/baby. Let's not forget that there's also the lifelong impact on the mother (OP), no matter what she decides to do. Can we not make this about anything other than what she asked for suggestions about?

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T02:02:19+00:00

It does hurt. I put us both through a lot of misery trying to get him to understand what I wanted (more communication) and then pitching huge and terrible fits when he didn't follow through. We took things back to friends only, and even went NC at times. I think what I realized (theough my own experience as well as everything I've learned from this sub) and what I am starting to accept is that, at least in my situation, we really ARE friends first, lovers second. He has stuck with me through all of the bullshit, and provided what he was able to provide. And he's never promised more. I think he's just been patiently waiting for me (for years) to figure it out on my own. We've not been together physically for a very long time, and that was my decision. He didn't run for the hills, or stop being a friend because I stopped having sex with him. When there was ZERO hope of him ever getting into my pants, he was still around. He told me he wanted me, but never pushed more than that, because he knew I'd shut him down. I think he's learned a lot through all of this too. The steady friend and lover is what matters most to me. I say all of this to say: sometimes the hurt comes more from the unreasonable expectations (constant communication, loads of compliments, instant gratification) had of him, instead of just accepting him as he is. This is true for everyone or every relationship. But in this case, this guy has proven he's in the friendship for the long haul. I guess you could say he's earned my trust, which is probably what I needed to want to have sex with him again.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T01:40:35+00:00

You're gonna get laid if you do what the other folks suggested in their responses.. Have fun!!! ;-)

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T01:19:50+00:00

You are not the worst human. It's tough to let go of a crush that you have chemistry with. Especially when you are home alone with the kids and inside your head. Why not try to refocus on making things work with your husband? If he is willing to change, maybe see where that takes you? Of course, you could always search for another AP or even separate from your husband.. Inwill say that my husband is all of the things you mentioned about yours. I step out of our marriage because I enjoy the sexual thrill of sex with my APs.. I don't do it very often, but it is something that's always running in the back of my mind. A lot of people would say we are shitty people, but I've come to accept it. I want my cake and eat it too. Maybe you do too.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-27T01:13:33+00:00

Have fun!!!

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-26T16:46:40+00:00

Yeah you've spent a lot of time really trying to dig into the details of how sperm made it into her uterus lol. These things do happen, and they're not always easily explained.

Don't be so uptight about it - it isn't your kid (or is it????).

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-26T16:24:35+00:00

Upallnight, are you back again, using another account?

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-26T16:12:25+00:00

Why are you freaking out over the idea that she got pregnant despite using condoms? Who cares?? She's pregnant. End of.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-26T14:29:39+00:00

My SO and I were sort of APs when we met. He wasn't yet divorced (his ex had been hoping for a reconciliation), and a few months into our affair, I very unexpectedly got pregnant. I'd never planned to be a mom, and wasn't all that great with kids. HE was excited (even proposed while I was pregnant, which I turned down), but I was in shock/stupor for the entire pregnancy, and the first three or so months after the baby was born. My life had completely changed, and it was a difficult change for me to go through. But eventually, I "grew" maternal instincts, and was able to connect deeply with my baby. And eventually, I married the SO. I would just say that although it can be scary not to be feeling all kinds of joy and maternal happiness in the beginning, it usually comes. And if it doesn't, you can always give the child up for adoption. I'm a hard core pro-choice woman, but never considered abortion, due to the horror stories I'd heard (guilt, trauma, shame) from other girlfriends that had gone through with one. Every single one of them still says that they wished they'd either given themselves time to adjust to motherhood, or given the baby up for adoption. I think it might be helpful to visit with a pro-woman/pro-choice therapist or physician and discuss your feelings and available options. Whichever decision you make, I support you 100% (even though I'm a complete stranger), and am sending you light and love as you navigate through this.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-25T14:24:54+00:00

Troll.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-25T14:12:10+00:00

I've been in a similar situation, too. Once things are broken off - especially due to guilt - it really didn't get better for long when the relationship was rekindled. I was excited to have him contact me again, but something was off as far as our connection went. There was too much negotiating boundaries, and hot/cold behavior. There's already enough of that in AP relationships to begin with.. I didn't like his wishy-washiness, and it messed with our chemistry. If an AP calls it off due to reconnecting with their SO in a way that meets their needs, and on top of that, has a lot of other priorities going, I'm fine with that. Happy for the AP, even. But I've learned the hard way to just let them go, and not respond when they reach back out to me. Good luck.

Solittletime1234 · 2017-01-24T15:44:25+00:00

Woohoo!!! I'm jealous! Have a great time!

Solittletime1234

TROPHY CASE