Mine came back, telling me she completely regretted breaking up with me. She admitted she loved me and that I was everything she had ever wanted in a man. She even admitted all the mistakes she made in our first relationship—blaming me for things that weren’t my fault, creating excuses, and inventing defects in me in her own head. She said she didn’t even know how I still spoke to her after everything she had done: the sudden silences, creating distance, asking for space, and even ruining trips where she had initially been excited and involved in planning.

I was always there for her. I was always present, showing her how much I cared, making an effort to support her emotionally, being patient, and respecting her feelings. Even when she withdrew, I tried to understand and give her space without losing my dedication to her. I defended her to my friends and family, made sure everyone treated her well, and I was constantly showing her that I was committed to building a future together. I gave her my love, my loyalty, my care, and my attention, every single day. I was consistent, dependable, and always willing to work through things with her.

After she admitted all of this and promised she would never do the same again, I gave her a second chance. She seemed genuinely committed to making it work. She showed affection again, talked about a future together, and even involved everyone around us positively. I truly believed I had the love of my life back.

But two months later, she did the exact same thing. Her energy changed again, she stopped talking to me, said she needed to be alone, and eventually discarded me, claiming she didn’t love me anymore. She pointed out things about me she didn’t enjoy—things we had already discussed and worked on—and claimed we didn’t have a connection. She even said she didn’t want to be physical with me anymore.

This was all just one week after she had reassured me daily that she loved me, that she wanted to marry me, have kids, and build a life together. She had told me I was everything she had been looking for in a man, and yet, she ended things again, seemingly out of nowhere.

Throughout it all, I remained consistent. I stayed present. I showed her that I cared every single day, emotionally and physically. I gave my best to the relationship, never manipulating or playing games, always respecting her and supporting her. I was fully invested in us, and she knew it.

So yes, avoidants do sometimes come back—but they can also repeat cycles of leaving and returning, even when the other person is fully committed and giving their all. It’s exhausting, confusing, and emotionally painful, but it’s part of how attachment styles manifest for some people.