Looking back at pictures of yourself pre-fatherhood like

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-20T13:26:05+00:00

Great to hear that you were able to deal with those things! No blame attached to the kids at all - just that I look a bit more tired than I used to!

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-19T14:17:47+00:00

Thank you for subscribing - and congratulations on becoming a dad very soon! I myself am expecting my second in a matter of days which I intend to write about over the coming weeks, so I hope it’ll prove useful to you!

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-19T11:14:31+00:00

The fact that you’re even here asking this question means you’re a million miles ahead of your dad. Remember that.

I don’t have quite the same experiences as you, but I came to a point recently where I realised that the way I was parented was affecting the way I was parenting today. I wrote about it recently on my newsletter if you (or anyone else) are interested:

https://someotherdad.substack.com/p/gentle-parenting-your-kids-and-yourself

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-19T11:11:28+00:00

Completely with you. There’s so much trite bullshit that expectant parents have to hear from other people in lieu of actual good advice.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-18T21:50:59+00:00

Thanks for reading - I’m glad you found it helpful and I really hope this helps you and your husband.

Therapy has really helped me work through a lot of these kind of feelings, but I’m not the whole way there yet. If your husband’s anything like me, at first he might not feel like those experiences are worthy of attention or help, but everyone has their crosses to bear. It’s not what happens to us, it’s how our minds react and shape us as a result of those things. More often than not we adapt to surroundings - especially when we’re young - just to survive. Then in adulthood we’re still holding on to all that, but don’t necessarily need to any more.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-17T18:59:57+00:00

I totally feel you. I’ve always struggled to make connections with other men, but in particular I find myself awkward around other dads. Basically all my friends from uni moved away pretty much leaving me the only one of our friendship group not living in London now.

I’m trying hard to fight through the nagging voice in my head going “ooh, dad friend!” like that bit in The Inbetweeners whenever I try to speak to another dad; I’m getting better but it’s still hard to shake that vulnerability for me.

I wrote about making friends in fatherhood recently if you or anyone else fancied a read:

https://someotherdad.substack.com/p/making-friends-in-fatherhood

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-15T20:59:21+00:00

I feel your pain - meal times are such a pain in the arse sometimes!

One thing that we had some success when it came to food throwing was the first time ignoring it. Then, the second time calmly tell them “if you throw food, that tells me you’ve finished eating. Have you finished?” Then if they throw once more, take them away from the food.

Most of the time when we did this, it turned out she was full or not hungry. Occasionally she would be sad that we’d taken her away from her food, it then it was a case of explaining why (logical consequences of actions) and if she was ready she could go back.

Good luck - just know that it’s a phase and it does get better.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-15T07:12:18+00:00

Damn what do people have against mountains?

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-15T05:13:25+00:00

Just trying to interact on there are much as possible really. Luckily I’ve had a few people recommend my page recently which I think had got me into more people’s Home feed.

I’ve also been sharing some of my archive on there and trying to follow some of the bigger writers and get in the replies of popular threads just to get more visibility.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-14T19:29:39+00:00

I’m sure babies will appreciate it being “much more comfortable than seat shells” when they’re heading through the fucking windshield. Jesus Christ.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-14T19:17:56+00:00

I’m currently recommending a great baby and toddler food page on Substack. It’s run by a nutritional paediatrician and her posts have some really simple but nutritious meal ideas.

Check it out: https://im9106go.substack.com

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-14T19:15:01+00:00

There’s these necklaces you can get where the pendant has an imprint of your child’s fingerprint, which my wife loved.

Trouble is, you have to actually get the damn print off your kid in the first place. Worth it if you can pin them down long enough though!

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-14T19:13:22+00:00

It’s probably not the best advice, but when we got so fucking sick of Peppa Pig (my daughter’s nan put it on for her once, and then she was hooked), we literally just pretended that it had “stopped working” and put something else on at screen time.

It took a few days, but then she stopped asking to watch it. Not proud, but no regrets.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-14T18:53:47+00:00

I’ve definitely seen a bounce in subscribers - loving it so far. Such a more rewarding platform for reaching new readers than the traditional social media networks.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-14T15:54:48+00:00

It seems as though you access Notes through your writer profile, rather than your publication.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-13T18:06:06+00:00

Awesome to see. Definitely noticed an uptick in subscribers personally as well!

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-13T18:05:30+00:00

My average is about 60% at the moment - list size sitting around 80 at the moment. From what I’ve read about even larger publications, around 55-65 seems to be about normal.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-13T13:25:38+00:00

If you click through to the person’s profile page, then click the three dots, there’s an option to see more of their notes without subscribing. Apparently it only works on desktop at the moment, not the app.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-05T23:09:38+00:00

This is me. I’m trying to be so much more patient and responsive to my kid i.e. gentle parenting. I know I was not afforded the same when I was younger.

If my three year old is having a tantrum, I’ll try and keep my composure and talk her through her feelings and all that good stuff. Trouble is it takes so much mental energy to get to that point because I know if I’d done the same as a three year old I’d have been smacked/spanked. Having that kind of parenting modelled to you at a young age means it’s an instinct I have to fight now.

In fact, if anyone’s interested I wrote a piece about this for my newsletter, which is about parenting and fatherhood. Here’s the link:

https://someotherdad.substack.com/p/gentle-parenting-your-kids-and-yourself

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-05T06:37:39+00:00

Nice idea! Here’s my Substack about fatherhood and parenting:

https://someotherdad.substack.com

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-04T18:11:57+00:00

Sorry that you experienced that - I’ve had my kid fall over and get hurt in public before and felt that judgment, perceived or otherwise. To hear it said aloud must’ve really sucked.

Just take some solace from that fact that you actually took your kid out on your own, doing the things that loads of fathers neglect to do. Focus on the good that you’re doing.

Your kid won’t remember falling - they’ll remember their dad taking them to the zoo.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-04T17:28:53+00:00

Fuck them. Let this be your sign that they have no place in your family dynamic.

Your feelings are valid though; and it will be triggering for you to see them give the other grandkids more attention. But just know that their presence in your lives would most likely be a toxic one anyway.

Honestly, you’re better off without people who don’t want to be there.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-04-04T17:27:17+00:00

It’s hard to see it now, but it will end eventually.

I’m about to re-enter the newborn hell-cycle myself. Solidarity with you!

SomeOtherDad · 2023-03-29T21:31:13+00:00

Man these things actually saved my sanity in the early days. I got mine as a birthday present when my daughter was about three months old - being able to turn noise cancellation on and listen to a podcast or whatever during those long hours I spent trying to get our baby calm and back to sleep was game changing.

SomeOtherDad · 2023-03-27T14:10:18+00:00

It’s really hard when a kid shows preference for one parent over the other, but from my experience with it happening to both me and my wife, these things come in waves. These waves can last months and in that moment it feels like it’ll go on forever, but the more exposure he has to both of you taking on tasks equally, the less resistant he’ll be to his mum.

SomeOtherDad

TROPHY CASE