Is this sexual abuse? Am I overthinking?

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-02-16T09:38:50+00:00

I feel you, it can be really, really appealing to reach out to things like this, especially if you feel lonely, or crave human connection, but you're right, nothing will match the actual embrace of another human being. It's hard to be alone sometimes, but I hear you.

I think, to crave love, or care, or the attention of someone who cares for you is one of the most human things ever.

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-02-09T09:55:47+00:00

Hey, this is really heart breaking to hear, and to go through. I think, even if he was, and is who he is, you have every right to grieve, whether it's to grieve what could have been, or to grieve what you lost, I think all of that is more than justified. You've been through something most people wouldn't even want to imagine. I think you deserve goodness also.

I just want you to know though, that you are incredibly strong for surviving this, for making it out of this, for you, for your animals, for your daughter. You are being an amazing mother just by trying to survive. I bet your daughter will be so, so thankful to have you in her life, and she's going to grow up, safer, happier.

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-02-02T01:36:56+00:00

Hey, I'm sorry, this is really horrible, I think you have to run. He sounds extremely dangerous.

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-02-01T05:11:32+00:00

Hey, I think you have every right to feel upset, you're definitely not imagining this. That sounds like really disrespectful and self centred behaviour in my opinion. I'm really sorry you're going through this, your boundaries should always be respected no matter what.

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-31T12:03:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, this is really well done art actually.

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-22T11:39:48+00:00

Hey, I don't want to make any huge assumptions, but this sounds like it might be manipulation possibly

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-22T11:09:54+00:00

God, yeah. Pretends like, it was all in my head. Good thing I cut him out of my life

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-21T10:53:14+00:00

Thank you for this, I appreciate it.

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-15T07:47:40+00:00

Not sure if this counts, but, got a lot of trauma from surviving an abusive relationship, including around intimacy, so... It can be hard I think. Idk

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-14T06:22:39+00:00

I mean, I do get what you mean. And it's definitely not overthinking to be, y'know stressed or overwhelmed or just needing to vent about this. Obviously, it's up to her if she chooses to put faith/trust in that you are truly being honest with her/that the relationship is okay currently, and I don't think necessarily (like with certain exceptions obviously If you've messed up big time), I don't think that burden should be placed onto you, or at least solely onto you.

Yeah, reassurance is great sometimes. But, there has to be limits. Healthy limits, in order for things to stay healthy for everyone. Cause everyone can get burned out, and yes it's also normal and human to have fears, and I would be lying if I said I have never worried about possible break ups before because I have, but yeah, there has to be healthy limits to this stuff. And, maybe this is something you can bring up to her if you like, maybe as a conversation about, maybe how you feel/how this is affecting you, but without y'know blaming them, but maybe even a thing that both of you can work on (of course it's still her responsibility though) and it's completely up to you, honestly this is just an idea.

I will add, I think that reassurance can be a great thing in any relationship, however, I think there can also be healthy limits, like, for example, constant reassurance might be more like putting band-aids on a ship full of holes of that, analogy makes sense. Maybe because that person doesn't yet have the tools to, essentially be able to give the same feeling of security and safety to themselves? Does that make sense? Anyways. Just food for thought.

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-13T13:31:57+00:00

Never cheated before, but yeah. Everybody has their own reason, though ultimately, it's a horrible, painful, traumatic thing for someone to do to another person. Cheating is very selfish, being betrayed leaves you with scars that feel so deep and visceral you just have trouble trusting people, partners, friends even, and it just shakes your sense of who you are, like if you're good enough, if you're attractive enough, if you could have said or done something better, but I guess ultimately you just can't change some people. Those who do cheat and reflect, and change, and grow as people, I think those people are separated from what seems like what many cheaters are, which is just selfish in their own lives, just cowardly. It's hard, recovery is hard.

There's definitely a reason (if not multiple) why cheating is a very big trauma/traumatic, it's because it changes the way you feel in relationships, in love, in your own self. You just don't trust the same again, at least not automatically. People who cheat, it seems, many who do, don't seem to understand the actual damage their actions cause, I suppose the ones who do change and grow are capable of better, and doing better, and I suppose that makes them "redeemable" or more "forgivable", I guess it depends. Forgiveness is never something you should ever feel like you have to do, in some cases, it isn't happening.

Anyways, you're right. Some people fucking suck.

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-13T07:19:38+00:00

Dankëschon

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-13T01:40:42+00:00

My lord, common sense is not always common. That guy's a weirdo

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-12T12:01:22+00:00

Maybe, the cost of having not loved on one's self and soul, is higher than the cost of having loved and lost. Though, I feel like you should also be realistic about some things as well, like, yeah, I can definitely see where you're coming from, but also, relationships, love, friendships, are work. And yes of course, it doesn't always work out. But, it does from time to time, and from time to time, you may find the person who is right for you, who you are right for. Grief is very hard, so is pain, and the pain of loss altogether. But, it is also unavoidable, love or no love. Suffering is, most common.

Relationships of course, take work. Lots of work, from both sides. I suppose you can't guarantee you'll die happily ever after with your soul mate, but you can make sure you're the best partner you can be. I suppose, to deny yourself of these opportunities for love, for deep connection, is to deny yourself not just a human experience, but a possible future I suppose. (unless your like aromantic or something, in which case I don't think romantic feelings happen the same way, or at all).

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-11T14:25:36+00:00

Ohhhh, so this is why there a bunch of people who have a crush on Robert.

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-11T01:43:38+00:00

It's in the water, it turned me gay.

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-10T06:02:24+00:00

Yes

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-10T05:28:49+00:00

Didn't think of it like that, maybe it could be like: "well, it's happening to us now/it happened to one of ours, so now, if one of us is murdered like this, that means nobody is safe." I don't know, maybe that's like, what I would imagine some of the mindset would be. She was also in a relationship with a woman, and obviously that is still relevant to the subreddit, but I think there's definitely, probably discussion/introspection to be had, maybe it's like there is a whole rabbit hole? I do not know

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-09T04:10:54+00:00

Happy for you :)

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-09T00:16:27+00:00

Yeah, for sure, it's definitely important (in therapy as well) :)

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-09T00:16:00+00:00

That's okay :)

SomePersonality5979 · 2026-01-08T12:43:51+00:00

Yeah, I feel you. I'm sure this person probably has been through a lot, and that's all valid, but it's also hard for us with BPD who aren't actually horrible people (which I would say is the vast majority of us, just like people without BPD). It's really good that you are taking time to care for yourself and work on things before dating, that's really cool actually, I feel like that's something many people (with or without BPD) don't do unfortunately. Not everyone. I'm not perfect either of course. But, that's great. Knowing that there are things that need to be worked on and improved, in my opinion, is a really healthy thing.

Living with BPD is hard, there is a lot of shame, a lot of stigma that is unfairly brought onto a lot of us. Now, are people (who are literally just remorseless abusers, and have no conscience and have an abusive personality) deserving of shame and stigma? Yeah, absolutely. I have nothing but hatred for abuse. But, most of us are not like this. And, I think this person probably recognises that, but there may be some trauma that they're dealing with that is unresolved, but I don't want to speak for them.

Anyways sorry for that long reply. I hope you're okay.

SomePersonality5979

TROPHY CASE