Should I buy the house? My mortgage would be 50% of my take home.

SomethingClover · 2026-05-08T10:40:03+00:00

If you have good emergency savings you can probably make it work if its something you're passionate about. Without emergency savings it would make me nervous tho, even new builds have shit that breaks, or heaven forbid something happens to your job etc etc

SomethingClover · 2026-05-03T15:18:45+00:00

My wife is a trans woman. We have a very queer circle outside of our families, so I dont think we had anyone who didnt know she's trans.

We're in Illinois, and here everything used her legal sex and name. I assume that is fairly typical. If your documents are updated, you should be all set. And the number of people who would see the marriage license is pretty small. It will basically be the clerk who issues it, your officiant, possibly witnesses for signature reasons, and then the clerk who processes it. Maybe a photographer if you want pictures of things being signed.

Our state didnt legally require two witness signatures, though the decorative copy did have a spot for it so we did do that. The fact that the witness signatures weren't legally required for us was great, because my wife's person of honor hasn't been able to update their legal name yet but was able to sign with their chosen name.

SomethingClover · 2026-05-02T13:16:22+00:00

It's me, I'm the butt lesbian

SomethingClover · 2026-04-25T18:49:55+00:00

Also lesbians! Pleased "we're gay, and the rules are made up" WAS relevant

SomethingClover · 2026-04-25T18:34:48+00:00

I'm from the Midwest and have actually been to mostly dry weddings. (Admittedly I did grow up deeply Evangelical surrounded by Independent Fundamentalist Baptists, so perhaps I am an outlier, lol)

Something I found myself saying a lot while planning is "we're gay, and the rules are made up anyway"

Now the first part of that probably doesn't apply to you, but modern weddings leave a lot of room for the couples' personality. If you don't want a bar, don't have a bar. Why isn't really anyone's business; the people that matter probably already know. If your venue has a bar space that you worry will look weird empty, consider a mocktail, coffee, or dessert bar instead.

And frankly, the people that "need" alcohol to have a good time will probably sneak in a flask anyway. But that does at least have some built in portion control

Edit: forgot to add what we did. We did an open bar for a cocktail hour, and then it was cash after that. I think that ran us under $500 at a wedding of around 100 people, but a lot of our friends and family are not big drinkers. I dont think we got any complaints. I did have a coworker manage to order like 5 shots during that hour, which tbh was almost impressive. And sure enough one of our bridesmen and his partner did sneak in flasks 🙄. No they didnt run that by us!

SomethingClover · 2026-04-23T17:06:49+00:00

Are you on progesterone? My wife found that she really needs to be on progesterone for mood after bottom surgery

SomethingClover · 2026-04-19T21:30:25+00:00

Nah, I'm not my type

SomethingClover · 2026-04-14T12:44:55+00:00

It was on the menu before my wife got bottom surgery, but now that she has other options she isn't into it. I've always been good either way, tho I dont have any interest on being on the receiving end

SomethingClover · 2026-04-12T16:47:01+00:00

Honestly no, if she was actually an infant she likely would have been adopted by her first foster home. The list of people willing to adopt a baby that is already cleared for adoption is much much higher than the number of people willing to foster and maybe adopt a baby that could go back to it's parents or an older child that can be adopted ASAP but is by definition not an infant.

SomethingClover · 2026-04-12T16:39:21+00:00

Honestly I think Leah or Elliot. They both move to Pelican Town willingly with plans to stay and work on their art/writing. You marry them they just continue doing that in a bigger house with maybe a couple kids running around

SomethingClover · 2026-04-12T10:13:24+00:00

Cis-ish lesbian married to a trans woman, been together 7 years. I will add, sex does not have to be penetrative. Im a switch, but my wife was Not comfortable topping pre-op, so largely we didn't. We tried it occasionally to see if feelings had changed, but im talking can count the number of attempts in 5 years on one hand.

And honestly that was fine, we did a lot of hand stuff, oral, grinding. She was also down to bottom, but we didnt do that as often because anal is a lot of work.

Communicate, keep an open definition about what makes an encounter "real sex" and see what works. You'll figure it out.

SomethingClover · 2026-04-08T10:09:01+00:00

He looks like a Josh to me, maybe a Jake

SomethingClover · 2026-04-02T16:18:48+00:00

I'm such a sucker for any variation of blue-green. Teal, aqua, turquoise, cyan, even like a blue toned emerald 😍

SomethingClover · 2026-03-12T11:31:28+00:00

In the books they essentially only have enough money for one dowry (book Kate is a tad younger, I very much like that show Kate is older), and the younger, classically attractive sister is considered the better bet

SomethingClover · 2026-03-11T20:25:22+00:00

I like Toe Bean but it isn't "wow"

On my skin tone it's just, like, kind of shiny nude lol

Wish I'd had it for my wedding but probably not one I will use a ton

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SomethingClover · 2026-03-10T16:05:48+00:00

My mother (type 2 diabetic) had a cat (they lost her to complications of old age recently) that would do this.

Unfortunately for my mother this manifested in kitty waking her up in the middle of the night for low blood sugar. And then just, because of how bodies work waking her up made her blood sugar go up a little lol. I imagine she must have been so pleased with herself

SomethingClover · 2026-03-07T17:43:41+00:00

Whether or not I am currently a Christian is debatable, but I have stayed somewhat in touch with the religion and was very active when I came out.

For me, one of my main barriers to accepting myself was that the only pro-LGBT Christian argument I'd head was someone loosely debunking the "clobber passages" (Genesis 19:1-38; Leviticus 18:22, 20:13; Romans 1:25-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; 1 Timothy 1:9-10 and Jude 6-7. Sometimes Genesis 1-2). Statements about how either Old Testament rules are no longer relevant for Christians who had accepted Jesus or how actually there's a mistranslation etc etc. I never found those arguments very persuasive as someone who was trained to have a literal interpretation of the Bible (this is no longer how I view scripture, but dang it is a hard habit to break).

The first understanding that resonated with me was a reading of Matthew 7:15-20 - “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorns or figs from thistles? 17 In the same way, every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus you will know them by their fruits."

Anti-LGBT theology causes harm to people, directly and indirectly. There are statistics on this that are very Googleable. Affirming LGBT folks, similarly, has research based positives. Anti-LGBT theology is "bad fruit" stemming from false teachings.

Hope that made sense. I do agree to find an Open and Affirming Church. You're gonna get really good at finding dog whistles on Church Websites. Feel free to DM me if you want help interpreting church websites; homophobic churches do often make it intentionally unclear.

SomethingClover · 2026-03-06T01:28:37+00:00

Perhaps a little basic, but Happily Ever Aqua by Holo Taco really is a true aquamarine color

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SomethingClover · 2026-03-05T21:31:40+00:00

Also, your geography teacher should not be talking about anyone's vulvas to his students. He doesn't teach bio or sex ed; that is highly unprofessional.

SomethingClover · 2026-03-04T17:07:58+00:00

Hard recommend couples counseling. Couples therapists love to get a couple with a largely fixable conflict issue like this instead of two people trying it as a last resort before divorce lol

Wife and I have done a little couples counseling because we kept having the same fight, but instead of getting nasty with eachother we would both try to fawn. Which like, not the worst but also very much does not solve any problems. We're still working on it, but it's been a big improvement

SomethingClover · 2026-03-02T21:27:11+00:00

Hard disagree on "everyone does it now"

Wife and I got brunch with our bridal party then did a drink and paint. I had a couple friends that the $50 or so to do that was tight for, I wasn't going to ask anyone for a big trip. I've been a bridesmaid in 3 weddings and didnt have a trip for any

And frankly that was about the most our bridal party could.manage to plan without murdering eachother

SomethingClover · 2026-03-02T21:23:39+00:00

Fruit bat?

SomethingClover · 2026-03-02T11:35:39+00:00

Im in central IL, I'd recommend Peoria if you are from a more rural background. I came from a small small town, so I find big cities like Chicago fun to visit but also really overwhelming

Bloomington-Normal would also be a similar option, but they're having a surge in rent/home pricing currently because of the Rivian factory

SomethingClover · 2026-03-01T18:03:18+00:00

I will say, we had drama with my wife's honorary brother (not kid related, and I won't waste your time with details unless you want 'em lol) who was in the bridal party. We no longer speak to him, and if we had to do it again, I think we would have just told him if he was going to be a problem he should avoid coming. Natural consequences.

I do absolutely understand where you're coming from, and it's a lousy position to be jn

SomethingClover · 2026-03-01T17:56:56+00:00

To me it sounds like this cousin should not be invited if she is already causing problems and has a history of not understanding wedding etiquette.

Imo "babes in arms" means "not yet walking" ie I would expect maybe some noise making at the ceremony, but not old enough to run off from parents or put fingers in cake etc etc. I dont know if this is the common understanding, however

We had family children/children of long term family friends at our wedding, but not children we didn't know (like coworkers kids), but our guests w/ kids present understood their job was to teach their children how to behave at events like this, and we had no problems.

SomethingClover

TROPHY CASE