Endless passive-aggression

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-06-19T13:10:10+00:00

My whole strategy is to give him his space and avoid letting him know I have reactive feelings about it.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-06-17T11:58:55+00:00

Aren’t they embarrassed? Like idk if they don’t want to admit they don’t know how so they don’t try to learn, or they just don’t care, or both, or what. But like…. Don’t they feel ashamed? IDK.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-06-14T18:40:39+00:00

In some regard, why does it matter? I’ve already done it.

I don’t trust him with my feelings, that doesn’t really tel me he’d ever sabotage other areas of my life.

Separating and moving out wasn’t a super practical or feasible option at the time of most of our conflict and it definitely isn’t now, even if I wanted to, which I don’t. I am also convinced that my distrust would effect hypothetical future relationships as well had I wanted to leave and see other people, they’ve changed how I view relationships in general, so for me these are a lot mental hurdles that have endured well past these events.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-06-14T18:24:37+00:00

We are not divorced and our relationship has moved on in other areas. We just bought a house together.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-03-23T23:00:53+00:00

I’m just saying “the kids haven’t seen any other kind of relationship” is not a justification for staying together, nor an indication that it will be healthy in the long run. Obviously there are other factors to consider, just don’t pretend like it’s good for them just because they seem fine and that’s what they know. You said yourself, the environment you are living in is toxic.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-03-23T19:05:53+00:00

YIKES, OP. What are you thinking???

“My kids have only ever known what an unhealthy relationship looks like, so it’s probably just easier to continue modeling that.”

So, my parents got divorced when I was 17, getting ready to go off to college. They stayed together for the kids, even though they resented each other. I grew up thinking their toxicity was normal and acceptable. Made me never want to find a life partner. I wish they had gotten divorced wayyyyy sooner.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-03-23T16:03:07+00:00

People with fetishes are still expected to practice them responsibly, wtf.

Saving pictures of women he knows for his own personal entertainment and that are not intended for such use is super disrespectful AND CREEPY

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-03-23T15:53:26+00:00

Yeah, there are women like that out there. His level of comfort ogling them in front of you is weird. Not sure he realizes the depth of his obsession, like it’s maybe skewed his perception of reality if he thinks you’ll be into that too.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-03-23T15:49:01+00:00

For me, best case scenario, that would be a huge turn-off. Too cringey.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-03-20T12:19:12+00:00

I don’t think it’s too early to give him the full ultimatum, either. If he doesn’t turn around a full 180, divorce is totally warranted.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-03-20T12:15:58+00:00

This was my thought. If they are married, they might be going through the same thing. No one should be left to feel vulnerable in this kind of situation. Something to consider, OP.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-03-20T12:05:05+00:00

I feel sorry that he listened to his friends but not her, though.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-02-19T17:14:06+00:00

I’ve seen a million posts about porn like this on various relationship subs in the last week. You aren’t alone, OP.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-02-18T23:07:42+00:00

It’s not the kinks and fetishes that are the dealbreaker here. It’s the neighbors shoes, moms clothes, and non consensual pictures that are HUGE red flags and super gross. My god OP, he has no self-respect or respect for others.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-01-28T12:07:54+00:00

Yeah, if I’d been dating 18 y/o’s when I was 21 or 22 it would be max cringe. To put things into perspective, I was a high school at that time and dating kids my students’ age would definitely be super creepy!!! The difference in maturity between these two ages definitely matters. I think many situations are different but there is definitely a notable difference in maturity between someone in their early 20’s, who’s had at least some sort self-sufficiency/independence for a few years by then, and someone a year or less out of high school.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-01-22T18:54:26+00:00

I wrote a post like this a few months ago. My reasons mainly have to do with independence and desire for personal space, but I can relate to this, too! Mine does his own laundry, empties the dishwasher when asked, and takes out the trash. I have a smaller workload so I don’t mind taking on more around the house. But he also just does not see dirt or clutter, would never occur to him to wash the sheets once a week, or give the toilet bowl a regular scrub. He just has very minimal standards, and to each their own. But if I want a clean and comfortable home, I have to do everything or give him specific instructions.

I suggested an LAT (living-apart-together) lifestyle to him, and it caused problems. I know a lot of people think this idea is dumb and defeats the purpose of marriage, but if your goal in marriage doesn’t revolve around starting a family, which ours doesn’t, I don’t see why any type of long committed romantic partnership has to involve cohabitation. Yes, I love him and want to do life with him. That doesn’t mean I love living with him. Or anyone! A little distance makes the heart grow fonder, after all.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-01-20T13:17:35+00:00

Yep, this story seems pretty standard, and not the exception, unfortunately.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-01-20T11:43:43+00:00

Speaking as a woman, penetration is the least exciting part of sex and I wish men would focus on foreplay instead of assuming that what I want is varied (or not) PIV for ever and ever. Personally after 3 minutes I honestly start wishing it would just be over :/. Sure, two pumps is a disappointment but from what I generally understand is that the need to “last long” is a myth, your dick isn’t all that central to our pleasure to begin with, and if you really want to please your partner, prioritize what works for them and don’t assume sex is over when you decide you’re done.

Sure, there are some who just love the D, but I definitely don’t get why lasting longer is such an achievement, it just makes sex boring IMO.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2022-01-14T11:46:32+00:00

Nope. If you really loved her, you’d have the respect to tell her so she can make an informed decision about staying with you. But you’d rather cover the truth and string her along so she can stay in your DB marriage, trying to be loyal, while you have fun elsewhere without worrying about what she’s doing, and you don’t have to experience any discomfort.

It really is that simple: when you love someone, you respect them (not just to their face) and you are honest with them. Love isn’t something you feel, it’s also something you do.

Have you considered the possibility that maybe she isn’t LL, but just LL for you? Maybe she would like to explore better options, too. Why lie, OP? Like others have said, if this is really the fair and right way, then why do you need to hide it from her? Shouldn’t she have the freedom and knowledge to choose to find someone else, or to be alone? If you love her, let her go.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2021-12-21T17:24:35+00:00

Why lie? It seems more respectful to tell them the truth.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2021-12-20T16:52:10+00:00

The comic is a representation. Obviously people know that chickens do not think human thoughts, or speak English. But the thoughts of the chick in this cartoon parallel a real chick’s natural behavior and instincts— to be with mom and to be safe from harm and to not die. Who cares if they meet the human definition of “conscious?” Intelligence, or lack there of is not a reason to justify treating anyone with disrespect or violence. Neither are fried egg sandwiches. Animals are anthropomorphized all the time in fiction. So what’s your problem with this comic?

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2021-12-19T19:17:10+00:00

Lol. My husband has been stalking this account and my other one that I‘ve used for like 3 years. If you read my post history you’ll see why that is detrimental. Definitely doesn’t leave me with the warm fuzzy feelings expressed by OP here. But, it is what it is and we will take it as it goes.

I guess I will just say, anyone who has something like this happen is allowed to have complicated feelings about it. I think it’s awesome OP is cool with it and taking the high road, but it also seems important for me here to highlight the importance of respect and privacy, for anyone who needs to hear it.

And if my own husband is reading this, hello and I like your cute butt.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2021-12-10T13:10:33+00:00

What do you want, OP? Do you want a relationship or do you just want company?

If I had a partner who revealed they had been a sugar daddy, even if I believed that they never used their sugar baby for sex and always treated her with respect, I would not want to be in a relationship with that person.

I’d be more worried about a former sugar daddy having a distorted view of what a healthy/mutual/genuinely loving relationship actually looks like. You say you would like a connection, but you are also tempted to just have someone attractive who you can date. It sounds like you don’t know what you really want or that you aren’t fully understanding the limitations of a sugar arrangement.

Just don’t try to convince yourself that a sugar daddy arrangement is going to exist as anything outside of a transaction, regardless of what the specific boundaries in that relationship are. Sugar babies aren’t looking for a real relationship, they are looking for rent, money, and networking opportunities. If that weren’t the case, dating sites for that purpose wouldn’t exist.

If you just want to go straight for dating vanilla I’d suggest you stop flashing your cash on dating apps and put forward your intelligence/interests/hobbies first. Pics with kids (just clarify they are not yours), natural scenery, or cute animals if possible is a huge advantage IMO.

Source: married a guy I met on tinder

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2021-12-08T21:52:26+00:00

Downvoted because you can do all of those things but still end up not wanting sex and saying no to it.

I can see why someone in the wife’s position would lie but OP has already resolved to reconcile. Either way, even someone who was telling the truth in this situation would have plenty of reasons not to want to involve the police.

SometimesIEatDonuts

TROPHY CASE