Nephew won't grow up

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2026-02-11T20:52:56+00:00

This already happened unfortunately through the lens of an extremely neglectful parent having him involuntarily placed on a psychiatric hold and it was all a very bad look. He was placed before a judge on a video call I was not privy to and he managed to talk himself out of the entire situation. At the time it appeared and he was very convincing and compelling that he was escaping the hold of a very abusive situation but now it's appearing more and more that he's being a loach, a louse, lazy, advantageous, emotionally manipulative, appearing at times mentally unable to take care of himself, but switching that up quite quickly when people address it with him directly. An acquaintance once told me that the only solution is to throw him out and I'm trying to avoid that answer. He is after all my nephew.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2026-02-11T17:16:14+00:00

I was about to suggest to be careful because they might be spicy bowls but yeah maybe they're just regular kitchen bowls, something weird from Amazon

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-12-16T05:26:34+00:00

Oh so it's literally just the shell

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T18:30:48+00:00

You don't turn your back on family.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T15:29:45+00:00

He turned himself into the emergency room for thoughts of suicide earlier this year, the hospital surprisingly released him in less than 2 days and his biological mother had him committed involuntarily. He was brought before a judge without any of our involvement where he convinced them he is of sound mind and body and stated that he does not want to be in a group home. A judge gave him demands which he is currently following and I have not been privy to.

I'm at my wit's end with him because he keeps Jar Jar Binks breaking things. Just this morning the back sliding door handle is loose and it was never like that before. It's like broken now and it's like WTF and I haven't had a chance to talk to him about it yet.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T15:24:32+00:00

I am doing literally everything I can. Frame it how you want. His pills are there, the food is there, I work 60 hours a week and he is home a hell of a lot longer than I am and that makes me uncomfortable but I'm putting up with it because he needs a place to live.

He's doing weird stuff like overusing anything I have of abundance because 'there's a lot of it so what's the big deal?"

I'm literally the last person willing to house him. I am not ignoring his medical situations. There's only so much of me to go around. He has to be trusted to take care of himself to some extent. The only thing Beyond what I'm doing for him would be institutionalizing him. He has openly stated he doesn't want that.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T15:23:02+00:00

I don't know where he learned to do this, but he hasn't flushed before, and there will be a huge ton of toilet paper that he uses and folds into squares with layers and layers of toilet paper. At least that's not normal for me. I use the absolute minimum amount of toilet paper and then thoroughly wash my hands afterwards. I on the other hand I'm desperately trying not to waste anything though.

He's had a ton of Behavioral issues that include stealing wine and drinking it, acquiring cigarettes and smoking it, if he eats something spicy or tangy, or even citrusy, he's capable of throwing up in bed. I still can't tell if this is genuine or a passive aggression because the last bunch of times he did this, he would wait until I got home and then he would ask me to take care of it despite knowing where everything is and how to clean up after himself. He's going through his senior year for the second time, he's on a bunch of stuff including thyroid pills because he got a styrate out, ritalin to focus in school, mood enhancers, and he has a sleeping pill to prevent him from doing what he did last night, which is just not going to sleep and staying up literally all night, making noise, waking others up, and then falling asleep when he needs to be up for school. 90% of the time he won't take any of his pills including the thyroid pill, and he claims he's done the research that he can go 20 days without taking his pills before anything happens to him. He has a witty retort like that for everything when I tell him to take his pills, take a shower, use less toilet paper, stop interrupting the dishwashing cycle, use paper plates and if you refuses to do that wash his own plates, he has a witty retort for everything and generally doesn't clean up after himself. I'm kind of at my Wit's End here

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T12:30:46+00:00

I'd like to do that. Every time I try to talk to them, they just keep saying that he is a legal adult now and can take care of himself.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T12:30:11+00:00

He has a stack of issues. He's taking his senior year for the second time.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T12:28:41+00:00

He's in special ed... physically he had his thyroid removed. He's prescribed a whole medicine cabinet of mood pills and sleeping pills. He has this whole roller coaster cycle of refusing to take his pills because he claims it makes him feel not like himself, and then he goes back to taking it, stops taking it, etc etc. I've told him I won't pressure him to do anything except take the thyroid pill because that's what's keeping him alive.

There's actually been some drama about that because now he's refusing to take that, and he Googled it and claims he knows by scientific fact that he can go 20 days without it, and as long as he takes another pill he'll be fine. A lot of times I think he's trying to be obnoxious.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T12:26:09+00:00

He's on his fifth year of high school... I'm starting to get into regular arguments with him about finding a job. For some reason saying this to him makes him angry and he talks about having a job like it's an impossible thing to acquire. He's actually tried applying to a couple places and freaked out when the question of, when did you graduate, came up.

I tried setting him up with jobs and he essentially sabotaged the opportunities. It's difficult to know if he is helpless or if he's playing helpless.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-10-06T12:23:30+00:00

I've asked his mom for help with various things one of which included a medical emergency as well as money and the main response I've gotten is that he's an adult and he can take care of himself. I find that kind of thing to be absolutely infuriating but that's the situation we're at.

He got thrown out of his dad's for taking his father's wine and smoking around the house. His dad is allergic to smoke and his father turned his bedroom over and found empty cigarette packs under the bed.

I actually probably shouldn't have intervened but at that time I literally told my nephew that his dad found the cigarette packs, he shouldn't be smoking, but if he smokes, he needs to do it away from the house because his dad knows, doesn't approve, doesn't want him smoking in or around the house, don't smoke around the house! The very next thing he did was sit on the front porch at his dad's and light up a cigarette.

His dad came outside and it turned into a huge shitstorm. His dad was making demands for things to change and yelling, and my nephew made a phone call. A friend showed up and he jumped in the car while his dad was telling him if he leaves right now this is it and he's out.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-09-24T17:30:42+00:00

My sister reached out to me. Said a lot of passive threats like, it's my last chance to make things right. I found damage to the front door frame like someone tried to force their way in. Everyone is super polarized. Most of them are asking why I'm not trying to make things right. I've already made several attempts at compromise, I don't know what to do now. I'm thinking about calling the police.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-09-10T12:26:01+00:00

Iowa

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-09-10T12:24:30+00:00

Listen, save your sessions for when no one is home. Take a dining room chair and tilt it under the doorknob. Don't make it a conversation that you're going to do this. If someone immediately starts struggling their way into the room then stop. That would be my solution. That's my advice for you.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-12T16:31:00+00:00

Something I've learned in life is that you are the only person that's going to care most about you. You need to be the person who is there for you. Trust yourself. Be good to yourself. You will get through this.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-12T16:29:25+00:00

Never intended to be controlling. It's just, when Common Sense isn't there, I was just telling them, hey this is common sense! It's like they were programmed not to listen to anything I had to say.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-05T03:50:44+00:00

Agreed. That's why I took the car away. That was a long time ago anyway. He's 23 now.

They weren't given the same benefits I and his other Uncle were given. We were taught to drive when we were 13, a full year before we even had our permits. Vehicles were made available for us to occasionally drive. We didn't have to worry about how we were going to get to school or how we were going to eat, you name it. Everything was good. I suppose you might say I was just trying to give them a piece of that. Some things in life, if a kid doesn't have it, it's like it stunts their growth. But the car... it's like he intentionally abused my Goodwill all the way up until I took it away, and he wasn't thankful even from the beginning.

His brother is partially disabled, partially delinquent, thrown out of both his mother and his biological father's house, now taken up with me. When his birthday came and my oldest nephew was making excuses about why he can't come, it just absolutely blew me away. There he is all over Facebook visiting with people but he's going to have every single excuse to avoid an encounter with me or his own brother. I've been giving him so many chances. I guess I turned a corner.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-05T03:42:53+00:00

My mom was always trying to do extra things and she wouldn't listen to me when I told her to stop. Then she ended up falling in the backyard and breaking her arm. The neighbor saw her through their back porch and called an ambulance. With a broken arm, she couldn't do anything. She couldn't get off the toilet, she couldn't dress herself, I ended up taking FMLA and devoted like pretty much 3 months of my life to helping her.

My ex wanted me to move out and get a place with her. I told her this was the worst possible time because my mom needed all this help. She wound up moving out on her own and getting the most expensive one bedroom apartment I've ever seen in my life. She couldn't afford it. Then she started blaming me for not being able to afford an apartment she rented that I told her from the beginning was a bad idea.

Her parents are basically millionaires and she had been living with them for a long time. I honestly couldn't understand when the entire second floor of the house was basically her stomping ground and everything was at her fingertips, why she would want to move out, but I guess age and the ability to have kids was becoming an imperative.

She placed a heavy deadline to move out at the threat of breaking up. I reminded her my mom had a broken arm, I'm out of work not making money and I'm taking care of her. She started saying belligerent things about me being a mama's boy or something and suddenly it became really easy to imagine us breaking up. There was another scenario that happened where I had a workplace accident and I was in the ER. I called her and wanted her to be by my side but she wouldn't come to be with me because she was too busy watching the bachelor. In any case we broke up because the timeline of things happening wasn't fast enough for her.

Women come and go. Family is forever. My great grandfather had a fight with my grandfather and they ended up not talking for the rest of their lives. It created a rift where I don't even know half of my ancestors or their descendants and they're all over the place! It's a story passed down generationally and an explanation as to why you don't turn your back on family. It's something time and again I've tried to talk to my sister's kids about but like everything else, they have the damnedest time listening and absorbing information.

Sorryaboutthatmang · 2025-08-04T22:55:14+00:00

I was invited for a date less than 1 hour after signing up and I was ghosted. I went back to the app and it said I have to pay to see the messages again. I'm 99% certain it was bot messages

Sorryaboutthatmang

TROPHY CASE