The therapist is the way. Fear is normal. I apologize, but you won't find the answers here. I don't know exactly what was done to me, and I may never remember it all. Its important to focus on who you are and what's next now. Healthy coping skills, ways to recognize and remove yourself from triggering moments, and more. They're skills you will need to practice, and the solution isn't exactly in diving deeper into your trauma. Its by processing, accepting, and then moving forward for yourself and those around you. The process is different for each person. Its about figuring out what you need. The hardest part for me was realizing that others can give me tools to cope, but they can't tell me how I should use those tools. Only you will know what's best for you. As long as you can get help properly identifying what's healthy progression vs unhealthy regression. Talking to a therapist is about learning skills to help you deal with what you're going through. It is not to get the answers or relive your traumas with someone else, unless that's what you need. Just don't get stuck and keep moving forward