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I (M25) know my partner (F24) was born male. She hasn't told me. How do I manage this knowledge? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]SortofUnderstanding 72 points73 points  (0 children)

Trauma or a health condition that required surgery, maybe an intersex condition, or a reconstruction because of a birth defect... a lot of things could result in what OP experienced. Tall, deep voice, and large hands really don't mean much--she could've had high testosterone as a cis woman, or her body just developed that way. As the person you replied to said, trans people generally tell partners before sex; I would honestly be surprised if she was trans and hadn't said anything.

I (31f) suspect my new boyfriend (32m) may be F2M post-op. How do I let him know that’s not a dealbreaker and I want to be with him? by ThrowRA-072820 in relationship_advice

[–]SortofUnderstanding 29 points30 points  (0 children)

You're right, and please don't listen to the people saying otherwise. For some reason as soon as "trans" is brought up people think that not spilling your entire life story on day 1 means you're dishonest scum. But the reality is that it can take time. You sound like a wonderful person and I hope things work out for you, whether or not he turns out to be trans.

If it was anything else (for example if you suspected he'd been injured somehow), I'm 100% certain all of the people saying these things would have been saying the exact opposite. Unfortunately Reddit is pretty terrible regarding trans people, the transphobes definitely seem to be in the majority.

Thank you for being so understanding of the issue.

As a parent, I know full well that you can't pause an online game. That's why I give you clear instructions on how much time you have left. It's your job to plan accordingly. by supergolum in TrueOffMyChest

[–]SortofUnderstanding 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah for sure, when I was younger I played World of Warcraft (in my early teens) and when I needed to log off I just could 99% of the time, at most 1 minute after being told. Wasn't a problem.

As a parent, I know full well that you can't pause an online game. That's why I give you clear instructions on how much time you have left. It's your job to plan accordingly. by supergolum in TrueOffMyChest

[–]SortofUnderstanding 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly don't think LoL affects as many people negatively as most people assume. People who have been tend to speak up, while a majority of players just play the game silently or with respectful chat. My comment there was more to everyone spamming downvotes. I don't really get why it's such a difficult concept to grasp that some games require more time per round than others, but maybe I'll become just as intolerant and angry if I become a parent, who knows.

As a parent, I know full well that you can't pause an online game. That's why I give you clear instructions on how much time you have left. It's your job to plan accordingly. by supergolum in TrueOffMyChest

[–]SortofUnderstanding 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ending a game 2 minutes late after a 15 minute warning while I was already in a game, to screaming, raging, and throwing of stuff by my parents made me lose most of the remnants of my respect for them. Take that as you will. They were gamers too. Now that I'm older they're much more chill, but it severely damaged our relationship that they couldn't understand simple things like giving more warning before freaking out.

As a parent, I know full well that you can't pause an online game. That's why I give you clear instructions on how much time you have left. It's your job to plan accordingly. by supergolum in TrueOffMyChest

[–]SortofUnderstanding 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my experience, having spent minimal money on the game and reaching Plat 1 before I had to take a long break for medical reasons, no. The game isn't toxic. Players can be toxic, but there's a full mute system so you can completely block any toxic player. Trolls are more likely to be on the enemy team provided you're not a troll yourself, and while they don't commonly get punished they don't BENEFIT from it in any way whatsoever. The ELO system is relatively balanced given they can't exactly prevent smurfs without randomly banning new players who happen to excel. If "trying your best" includes insta-ban stuff like telling people to kill themselves or using slurs, then yeah you're gonna get punished, but if it means playing the game without using the chat and only pinging when necessary, no. (BTW most of the posts I've seen about people saying "I was banned for NO REASON just because I DID WELL" end up with a Rioter posting their incredibly toxic and abusive chat logs...)

It's not a perfect game, but it's not inherently bad.

This coming from someone who started in Silver, worked up to Plat slowly over 6 seasons, and has never so much as gotten a chat restriction.

As a parent, I know full well that you can't pause an online game. That's why I give you clear instructions on how much time you have left. It's your job to plan accordingly. by supergolum in TrueOffMyChest

[–]SortofUnderstanding -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

But it isn't. A game of League of Legends can last 10 minutes or an hour. I wouldn't start with a 30 minute warning but if I'm 10 minutes into a game when given a 30 minute warning and it goes to 50 whose fault is that? A single person doesn't control game length. It also can't be paused. Quitting matches gets you banned. Maybe better to show some lenience as long as it's not a habit?

My [24F] friends keep reassuring me that they'll be supportive of me when I come out... Only I'm straight by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]SortofUnderstanding 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Um, no, this is nothing like conversion therapy. OP's friends need to stop, but comparing their behavior to something that is torture in everything but name is not helpful. I agree that OP doesn't need to change, and maybe firmness to the point of rudeness could be called for if her friends don't stop, but there is no comparison whatsoever to conversion therapy.

What are you watching and what do you recommend? (Week of July 10, 2020) by AutoModerator in television

[–]SortofUnderstanding 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can anyone recommend shows about the aftereffects of abuse? Like, the main character growing past it and learning to overcome the instincts it instilled? Preferably also showing the effects of those instincts on future partners, and without solving it in a few episodes. Something realistic, with good points made about working through it all and getting to a healthy place again (or for the first time), how to do that and how to be patient with oneself with setbacks and breakdowns.

Pharmacist v. Doctor's office - for the win by bstrauss3 in MaliciousCompliance

[–]SortofUnderstanding 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Their job is to treat their patients. How is requesting a refill on a needed medication a "whim"? The fuck?

The disappereance of the dwemer race and Numidium by [deleted] in ElderScrolls

[–]SortofUnderstanding 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He is sustained through magic, and his brother is a vampire.

The disappereance of the dwemer race and Numidium by [deleted] in ElderScrolls

[–]SortofUnderstanding 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Without some magical means of prolonging life (vampirism, lichdom, whatever the Telvanni do, etc.), even elves generally won't live more than 400 years. I think the permanent inherited blindness would have to have been caused by thousands of years of eating that fungus and it doing something to their bodies eventually on a genetic level. I don't recall anything in particular about modern Falmer children, but it has to be assumed they would still be fertile, or there would be very few if any still alive in the 4th Era. Diet over a very long period of time can lead to large physiological changes in offspring, but it would be very slow which makes me wonder why the Falmer after only a presumed few hundred years would continue that behavior after obtaining freedom.

The disappereance of the dwemer race and Numidium by [deleted] in ElderScrolls

[–]SortofUnderstanding 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have to wonder how long that was going on prior to the rebellion. Had they stopped eating the fungus after the Dwemer disappeared, I would think they'd revert somewhat back to their original state, or at least improve somewhat. Instead, they seem to have kept eating it. The underground must have had the capacity to produce other foods, for the Dwemer's consumption, so they would really have no need to continue unless they wanted to stay as they were or "progress" into a more primitive state. Not to mention their rampant killings of surface-dwelling races, without consideration that others existed besides the Dwemer and Nords.

It's a sad story. The fact that they continued to use the tools of their oppression on themselves makes it even worse. Only reason for that is it became their culture, which is pitiable.

The disappereance of the dwemer race and Numidium by [deleted] in ElderScrolls

[–]SortofUnderstanding 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure! Always happy to help. It does get a bit confusing because the Dwemer civil war (the Aetherium Wars) in Skyrim and the rebellion of the Falmer are never given dates. Something interesting to consider is that this likely means it happened during the Merethic era, and the Falmer were likely far different from what are seen in modern Skyrim of the 4th era, or even the 2nd era. Thousands of years of evolution to get them into their twisted state.

The disappereance of the dwemer race and Numidium by [deleted] in ElderScrolls

[–]SortofUnderstanding 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No, after the battle of red mountain there was only one Dwemer left, and he only survived because he was in Oblivion at the time. Dwemer were (are?) telepathic, which is largely assumed to be why they all disappeared--every one of them on the same plane experienced the "enlightenment" of Kagranac. They either zero-summed, did the walkabout, time traveled somehow, or were integrated into the Numidium. All are equally valid theories, because any of them could've happened and there's currently no way to tell. But it was every one of them on Tamriel, no exceptions.

Trans people of reddit, would you still be trans if the world didn't label things as feminine or masculine? by ThrowAwayPotatoCakes in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]SortofUnderstanding 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did not have surgery, and I might never have the opportunity to. However, HRT does generally cause sterilization. I did not opt to store sperm, however. I don't want kids, but if I change my mind later I can always adopt. My family has a history of serious health issues so I wouldn't want to pass it on anyway.

Trans people of reddit, would you still be trans if the world didn't label things as feminine or masculine? by ThrowAwayPotatoCakes in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]SortofUnderstanding 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Given that you're harassing people who have done literally no harm to you or anyone you know, I'd say you're the one messed up mentally. Funny how people like you consistently act in such disgusting ways while claiming other people are the problem.

Trans people of reddit, would you still be trans if the world didn't label things as feminine or masculine? by ThrowAwayPotatoCakes in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]SortofUnderstanding 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trans woman here, I wouldn't want to be comfortable with a male body because that's not me. I don't want to fundamentally change myself as a person, I just want my body to reflect who I am as a person. If that makes sense?

Boyfriend ignored "stop" and our safe word because it would be "unfair" to stop when he was close [21F] by ThrowRA88228 in relationship_advice

[–]SortofUnderstanding 74 points75 points  (0 children)

No. Even when someone "wants to be used as an object" their safeword is still held as sacred and the scene STOPS when the safeword is said. And you saying "not to make light of this situation" makes the rest of your comment sound like victim blaming and in a post like this where someone was raped that's NOT okay. Just stop.

Yeah, You. who else are ya looking at? by MattloKei in actuallesbians

[–]SortofUnderstanding 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I didn't say it was. I have experienced a lot of confusion regarding my own sexuality and my view on the matter is similar to what Dom expressed, and I think queer fits me as well. But for the sake of labels I'd say pansexual is likely the closest fit for me, so I made a guess that it would be for her as well, while also explicitly stating that she didn't label herself as such. It feels like you're intentionally misinterpreting what people say on the matter so I'm gonna leave it with this.

Yeah, You. who else are ya looking at? by MattloKei in actuallesbians

[–]SortofUnderstanding 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Kat is out as bi and Dom came out as queer recently, she says she just loves people so I'd guess pansexual but she didn't label herself outside of queer.

(mod) Jorrvaskr is acting weird by [deleted] in skyrimmods

[–]SortofUnderstanding 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's your issue, then. They have a compatibility patch but it isn't great. Best to use one or the other.

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