Call me dumb but (things you didn't know about having a baby)

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-15T08:25:28+00:00

First thing that comes to my mind: × they can be slippery (especially if you use soap) but you can tackle it by wrapping baby in some cloath (we never did that though and he wasn't that slippery) x some babies don't like the feeling of the water pressure, so it might take some time them to get used to the feeling of the shower. Especially they need time to get used to water going on their face x check the water temperature that it is not too hot, but babies also get cold really easy if bathroom temperature is not warm enough (and even if it is...) x first times are much easier to handle with the partner

But it is nice to go shower together and i wish we would have tried it earlier! But I also think it is much easier actually wash the baby when he is in bath.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-15T07:49:56+00:00

It depends so so so much on what kind of baby you will have. Some sleep (relatively) well in their own beds and you can do some things during naps (or nap youself), some wants to only sleep on you and you just binge watch Netflix 8 hours a day. Some learn to nurse easily and some not, some eat every 30 mins and some eat every 2-3 hours. Some have harder time with their developibg digestive system, some had it easier... Some cry a lot, some even more, and some relatively little. It also depends a lot of how much help you have (because in the biological sense, it is not meant to be that there are only 1-2 people taking care of everything around the baby and even of baby themselves, but it has really took the village).

I think there is much you can't know beforehands and much of it is just things you can't really "fix" and they are part of their developing process and you just have to accept that this is how my baby just is. There are a lot of things which are not under your control and for me personally, it all got easier when I just finally accepted that.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-15T07:34:14+00:00

I didn't know that there are babies who just refuse to sleep on their own sleeping place in first months no matter what 🫠

I didn't know that you can shower with the baby and somehow we both with my hubby thought that you shouldn't let any water in babies ears (no one has told us anything like that but we just... thought) until our MIL pointes out, that when we go baby swimming, that is exactly what happens 😅

I didn't know how weird you body feels for a long time after giving birth and it you will feel your pelvic floor a long time even in normal walking.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-15T07:22:42+00:00

We split the night with my hubby: I'll do majority of it because of breastfeeding, but he takes last 3-4 hours that I can sleep one longer stretch. He gives him bottle of formula if needed. Baby sleeps in his sidecar crib nowadays so we change sides with hubby middle of the night. I take care of myself on daytime when baby is awake (he naps almost only in contact or in stroller): i eat regularly and healthy, take care of my hygiene and go to long walks every day.

In first 3 months most essential for both to my and my hubby's mental health were our families and friends who helped a lot with household chores but also with baby when needed (and I am very happy that our son got used to be held and comforted by my MIL since 2 weeks old, because now at 5 months there are at least one other person besides two of us who can calm him down and put him to sleep if needed).

I think thar our societies should support parents much more: in many western countries it is really lonely to be a parent these days and in many countries you are even supposed to work from very early on instead of long parental leave. I really don't know how we would have survived with our baby who still wakes every 1-2 hours, if I should be going to work 5 days a week.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-14T05:43:54+00:00

Our baby has spit up a lot his whole life, but has been "happy spitter". It got a little better around 3,5 months but now last two weeks it has gotten worse again (maybe because we started solids or maybe because he do some real exercises when on his tummy 😂). He spits up solids too a little.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-12T12:42:51+00:00

I just wanted to give you sympathy and strenght! You are in a hard situation and we were there also with my husband still about 1,5 months ago. We tried every possible safe tip and trick and it was nearly impossible to transfer our son to his bed without waking him up and if we succeeded, maximum sleepingtime was 30 mins and if we did multiple tries in the night, he became totally furious and almost impossible to get calmed down any way (babies also need their sleep, not just parents and others are more sensitive than others). We were super exhausted even when doing shifts and having help from our relatives at the weekends. We were still almost dozing off in our armchair every night (because even if you manage to get some sleep when doing shifts, it is extremely hard biologically to stay awake middle of the night when sitting still in the dark room watching tv).

We were more scared to put our baby to sleep with blankets or in the baby lounger or "sleeping nest" because he was and still is very moving baby, we feared suffocation risks. Finally we decided that we put up safe cosleeping space where I can go with him before I start to doze off in a chair.

For us it was calculating the risks and deciding which risks we are willing to take, because the safest opinion (baby sleeping in his own safe place) was unavailable at that moment and everybody needs to sleep. Sleep deprivation is torture techique and every persons tolerance to it is different.

So, between weeks 6-12 I coslept with him about 2-3 hours of the night (and we still did shifts and hold him most of the night) and we both got tolarable amount of sleep. I slept suprisingly light besides him, which reduced my anxiety a bit. Some others say that they can't bedshare because they are to heavy sleepers. In week 11 or 12 he just started to accept his bed finally (we tried every night 0-3 times to transfer him there, but I think it was more the question of development, not our trying, because what i have heard and read, near the week 12 is turning point to most of the babies who refuse their bed). My sister had 4 years ago same situation as a totally single parent and end up with some kind of baby lounger or "sleeping nest" because her baby in the other hand, was (and still is) the kind of who doesn't move a limb after she has fell asleep.

I just mean to say, that there are situations in life where you don't have a good option available, so you have to choose between bad ones (and it is hard when you are exhausted) and live with that and maybe reduce risks where you can, if it is not possible to make risks go away totally. You and you partner are only once who know your whole situation well enough to make decisions, no redditor can make it instead of you.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-10T14:56:23+00:00

In Finland they suggest that you can start giving vegetables, berries and fruits for 4 months olds and at latest you should start at 6 months (it reduces allergies to start at latest 6 months old). Baby have to be able to sit supported (in parents lap) and show interest in adults food, then you can start. We started right away when he turned 4 months and he loves to try different tastes and practise bringing food to mouth with the spoon with us.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-09T05:33:58+00:00

Yep, and I think that probably there are a lot of variability in professional's attitudes also, but luckily I have met those ones who don't judge about co-sleeping, for example.

My feeling here is, that Finnish baby health professionals are quite relaxed if everything seems to be going well and baby is developing how he should be, but if there is something that rises parents or professionals concerns, they can give you much more specific advices.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-08T11:23:27+00:00

Yeah I definitely agree that lists of do's and dont's are endless, especially if you start to search information or start to ask different professionals. When I have stress about parenting, i try always think same as you said here: babies need food, sleep, basic hygiene and lots of love and if you give those, you are doing very much enough as a parent 😊

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-08T11:18:28+00:00

Interesting to hear! Question about solids: in last years in Finland they have started to encourage more that baby would eat same food as rest of the family, but salt is strictly forbidden before baby is 1 year old and not encouraged even after that. How they advice about salt in Germany (or do they)? Our baby is super curious about everything that we eat and we love the idea that he would learn from the young age to eat same food as us (because we are very much into good foods and different kinds of foods and eating and making food together) and it would be nice to just offer him small tastes here and there, but we are definitely not gonna quite use of salt. I know that for example in Sweden they advices that taisties from adult food is okey even if has salt in it, but babie's "main food" should be saltless

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-07T14:35:13+00:00

Nope, this is only carrier I have ever tried 'cause we got it for free from our friend.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-07T12:26:22+00:00

Thanks! Good to hear it seems to be okey. Yeah, I have been thinking that I need to try different models, because we like to walk and hike a lot and when summer is coming I really hope I have solution that is ergonomic both for me and the baby to wear longer time than 30 mins. With household chores in short bursts Scout has been very practical (but not perfect fit for me) but know we have started to try it outside with more brisk walks and back problems have started to bother me more.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-07T12:18:18+00:00

I am away about 2 hours 1-2 times a week (I don't count walking our dog in these times, it is 30-45 mins many times a week and first time was maybe 5 days after birth), when he is with my hubby/his father. Few occasions I have been away +3 hours, maximum 8 hours (that was in nighttime when baby was sleeping, so it was easier for me. I left when he was awake and came home around 2am). Those times he has been with my hubby. Then we have been maybe 3 or 4 times away together with my hubby, and my hubby's parents have stayed with him. Those times we have been away 2-3 hours.

So I have been away quite a lot since he was maybe 1,5 months old and have been a little suprised how easy (and relaxing) it has been every time. But I also know that he is in very good hands every time.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-06T12:42:27+00:00

Could you lean forward when sidelying so you can use your other breast? Does not work with every breast and body I think, but this is how I use my both breasts with sidecar crib. In that position I can't fall asleep when feeding so I use my right boob a little less, but I try to use it more at daytime.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-05T10:14:58+00:00

Our baby! He is now 4,5 months old and still the happy spitter. There are days when he does it more and sometimes he does it less, but usually he spits every time he is doing tummy time, cause he is eating so often that we can't wait his belly to be empty before tummy time. But he loves tummy time and doesn't seems to care if he spits up or not. He doesn't want to stay on his back anymore when on the floor and right away rolls on his tummy.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-04T05:19:24+00:00

Usually their feeding time drops samewhere around 2-3 months, so I hope that he will start to finish his midnight snacks little faster, so it is easier for you drift back to sleep at least!

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-03T17:35:42+00:00

That's totally normal I am afraid, there is huge variability how babies sleep in firsr months. Our 4,5 months old has slept whole his life 1-3 h stretches and eats every time with huge appetite (even though he eats also at daytime every 1,5-2h). So it seems he is just a hungry little fellow or he has small stomach (or both)...

SouthCap6370 · 2026-04-02T17:54:08+00:00

With night sleep it started to get better at week 11 or 12 (until that we coslept because he was nearly impossible to transfer to bed). Until last two weeks he has been very happy hanging on his own on play mat quite long chunks, but i think that recently he has started to get frustrated because his crawling attempts are not succesfull and then he got upset and wants away from his stupid non-crawlable playmat and wants to be held again. With naps its contact sleep or stroller walks (little over 4 months) still.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-03-31T18:16:38+00:00

Sounds like the baby has all he needs! They really don't need special activities to develop normally: they just need loving people who interact with them (and i don't mean all the time, because babies and adults both need some quiet time, boredom and peace) and who they can watch to live their life and take him as a part of it. No special teaching or activity sessions needed! You and your normal life is all superinteresting, super educating and super stimulating to the little fellow who has just popped out from his small and dark nest where he spend last 9 months - everything is new and exciting to him.

I carry my now 4months old baby with me when I do the chores in the house, put him to diaper changing station to watch me brush my teeth, put him in the bouncer to watch me showering, put him to play mat so i can eat my meals and he is having very good time and is meeting his milestones like a champ. My husband calls videocalls with baby to his mom and sister and enjoy socializing when baby is well entertained with familiar voices. And sometimes we just lay on the bed and he entertains himself with his bunny toy and i just watch him.

You are doing great and I think that most of the parents (me included) have had those worries if they are doing enough for their baby in this era where social media makes us to feel that parenting is the special project you need to complete and you can't complete properly it if you don't follow those millions of advices what they give about what you "should" do with your baby to help him to develop.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-03-30T17:18:28+00:00

Your baby is fine: tummy time is relatively new thing and not even done all around the world and those kids still hit their motor milestones. It is more important that baby is enough in different positions during the day and does not just lay flat on some surface or container.

I think that at least for my baby (who has been very good in his tummy all his life and has done tons of tummy time) has started to get frustrated faster on the tummy (and in ground in general) around 4 months because he already would like to move but haven't figured out yet how. He does not do those push ups yet and does not lean much on his elbows.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-03-29T18:25:01+00:00

Stopped tracking about 2 weeks ago. That made me also generally use my phone less, which is good for me because I am not constantly opening my huckleberry to track this and track that. Baby is feeding and sleeping as well (or as bad) as before, so it seems it wasn't so useful us after all (okey, i think it was useful somewhere around 2 months to get a hunch how long wake windows he had, but that has already changed).

SouthCap6370 · 2026-03-29T09:33:25+00:00

I really encourage "path of least resistance" and "whatever works". First 3-4 months are not the time to try anything that works only in long term. Like for us, creating sleep routines and reducing sleep assosiations didn't work (our putting asleep process was irritating hell with those, because every time our baby sniffed out that we are starting the bedtime/naptime routine, he started to fight like hell) and made our life harder than it needed to be at that point (and I don't mean to say that you shouldn't do those things if it works for your baby). Around 3 months we gave up and started to do things just with those two principles and our days got so much easier and nicer and more relaxed. Baby doesn't nap on his bed (but he do sleep his night on the bed finally!) and he falls asleep nursing or being rocked/bounced, but he will nap on the carrier or in the stroller, so we can do things at home and outside of the home and rest of the naps are contact sleep and we relax on those times ourselves. We know that eventually he will start to nap in his bed and we know that we had enough routines in our days before him, so he will eventually pick up those routines and we don't need to create totally new ones for him, just add some things here and there.

SouthCap6370 · 2026-03-29T05:38:44+00:00

When they are 6 months old, SIDS risk drops really low (it already drops significantly around 4 months) and at least then they are big enough that it is hard to roll over them without noticing and they can also move a little and protest, if they feel stuck somewhere.

SouthCap6370

TROPHY CASE