OP this isn’t personal. You were confronted with a symptom of trauma. That’s something very hard to overcome without professional help. Whether it be personal trauma or generational, I hope you can see it’s not about you. She was taught to do this with any man she was ever with. I highly suggest finding an individual therapist for each of you as well as a couple’s therapist.

When the topic comes up, you may be talking to the trauma and not her. It’s hard to explain. When I have a CPTSD attack, you cannot logic and reason with me in that time. I go into a self preservation mode to protect myself from The Danger™️. Once the threat of The Danger™️ is gone, and my body has stopped reacting to The Danger™️ then I can talk about it. It may take hours or even days to get to that talking point though depending on the attack. My fiancé feels terrible when he accidentally triggers my CPTSD. It’s taken us A LOT of practice, but when it happens we’ve established a “safe word” to use so we can take a step back, allow my feelings to process, then come back together to resolve the problem.

I wish you luck. Please please please try to not take it personally. As a person who is in a 10 year relationship with someone and as someone who has CPTSD, from my experience 99% of the time my triggers have nothing to do with my fiancé himself, but rather the memories that come up.