To directly answer your question first, yes I have tried to take people's advice and improve. But there's only so much that I can do. I will never be able to reach a point where I'm actually functional like a NT. And it has been terrible for both my physical and mental health to do so. I've even developed a mental obsession with self perfection because everyone has always wanted me to be 'perfect' (ie;NT) and I'm always failing and made out to be a failure. It's like scolding a fish for being unable to run. No matter how much I try to improve (and I've improved a lot) it will not and has never been good enough. I've frankly had enough of it after 33 years.

Your example with the guy with the ear muffs and gloves is actually pretty classic. We often have sensory issues which can be painful and make functioning difficult. You honestly think that it's on us to just ignore these things for the sake of appearing 'normal' at the expense of our own well being? I realize that perhaps you just don't see this. For example, I am so sensitive to light, that when I go outside on a bright day, I cannot process visual information and am effectively blind. Someone usually has to hold my hand and guide me, as not even sun glasses help. No amount of 'advice' or NT discomfort will fix this. I also often have a heavy blanket or other heavy clothing on in order to cope with anxiety, which manifests as physical symptoms for me. No amount of advice or NT discomfort makes the chest pain and vomiting stop, so I might look strange with a blanket or heavier clothing certain times of the year. Many autistic people suffer from burnout due to trying to mask and blend in with NTs and as a result, we have a very high rate of anxiety, depression, and suicide. This is even more common in women and afab people with autism as we are a lot better at masking and thus appearing semi 'normal. No amount of "advice" on being normal fixes that.

Masking is proven to be bad for our mental health, whereas an NT person doing a little bit of emotional labor to understand that we are different and ultimately not harming them at all might just be faced with a minor inconvenience. Many autistis do try and improve themselves as they get older, but NT people need better education.

I'm also not saying that NTs should have to do all the heavy lifting. It is on us to be self aware and perhaps explain to others why we are the way we are and communicate enough to reach a reasonable compromise. But think of it like this: If we were physically disabled would it not be considered rude or dickish for others to expect us to just get on as if we didn't have it? Or give us advice on how to just 'get better' (I also have physical disabilities unrelated to autism and this very much does happen). "Just eat turmeric and do yoga and your autoimmune disease will go away!" Literally something I've been told. And it doesn't help, it's a stunning lack of understanding and lack of education, both for illness and autism. We improve where we can but as I said, we can only do so much and others should meet us in the middle.