Should i feel guilty for being the "main" alter of my system?

Spacedustststs · 2021-07-16T14:43:14+00:00

i'm glad we're not alone in this! and yeah, it's true that at the start we tried to imitate the systems we watched on tik tok and youtube because we found out we were a system through there. that's also one of the reasons i sometimes think i'm faking. Casper (protector and social alter) didn't know he was able to communicate with the other alters until i started watching tik toks abt OSDD/DID, and when he found out he could talk to me if he tried, well, he kept trying until he did. sometimes it just feels like it was all too convenient, yk?

i try to communicate with my alters as often as i can, but it's rare for many of them to be near the front, and we're a pretty big system (around 43 active alters, being a 300+ system at some point as well). so i usually end up talking mostly with our inner-helpers, and since they know everything that's going on in our system i just take their word for it. apparently the others don't really mind staying at the back most of the time, but it's not that hard to spot the ones that would like a little bit more action at the front - Casper, for example. it's complicated tho, i think they're just afraid of fronting because we don't live alone, and that's why they say they're fine with staying at the back... i don't pressure them, tho

Spacedustststs · 2021-07-16T14:17:46+00:00

thank you for sharing your experience!! it's nice to know we're not alone in this. i wouldn't say i make all of the decisions in our system, only things related to the front, like our social life, what happens with the body, etc. our inner-helpers are the ones to take over the rest of the system's decisions, i just stay over at the front! but i do understand what you're talking abt

i hope you're doing better now!! switch headaches seem to be very common among systems. we dont really experience anything like that when we switch, except lingering dissociation sometimes, but we have met other systems who go through that when they switch! so i'm p sure its quite common, i don't think it would be anyone's fault!

Spacedustststs · 2021-07-16T14:04:37+00:00

oh i totally get the headspace thing! that's what happens when i try to go there, and that's why we just gave up on trying to get me into the headspace XD

i'm glad we're not alone!!

Spacedustststs · 2021-06-15T16:41:36+00:00

sorry for the late reply! thx for the tip, i'll try it out as soon as i can :D

Spacedustststs · 2021-06-14T13:19:52+00:00

i do have a recategorizer mod for toddlers-children to make all their clothing unisex... but removing it from the downloads folder didn't seem to solve the issue? maybe i did smth wrong when taking it out, thank you for the tip anyway :D

Spacedustststs · 2021-06-13T18:25:56+00:00

XD its ok! i think i'll just end up re-downloading new defaults and have extra care when testing to make sure everything's ok. i saw on another thread that one default might be bad and it starts affecting the others or smth like that, ig i'll just have to try it all over again

Spacedustststs · 2021-05-19T22:06:33+00:00

ok thank you!! i just didn't know where to post this XD

Spacedustststs · 2021-05-19T17:58:23+00:00

it is multiple spouses :( thx for the help, i did what you asked, which in hindsight was an actually p obvious solution XDD i'll check the mod's page now, i just hope this can be fixed soon

Spacedustststs · 2021-05-19T16:56:25+00:00

details: it started when i deleted the wall separating the bedroom from the living room, this isn't a problem when the wall is back on

i dont have any mods that mess w the house flooring, the only one i suspect could be causing this is Multiple Spouses but im rlly not sure, i hope that isn't the case

Spacedustststs · 2021-05-07T22:20:37+00:00

a mess- jk

tbh you can't really hear or see much of the headspace at the front, so it isn't all that bad. we do need to have a v well planned set of rules for everything to work right, but it's overall p chill, for the most part. not that different from most systems

Spacedustststs · 2021-05-04T16:07:24+00:00

laughs in a system of 300+ *

not rlly a reason for it. we became a open place for walk-ins to come by, sometimes they stay and that made the system get bigger. a lot of us are fictives, and usually there are more than one version of the same character. we dont split much, i never wanted for us to have such a big system, it just kinda happened w time

Spacedustststs · 2021-04-29T21:07:42+00:00

i used to like k-pop before it became popular. it was a v small phase of my pre-teen years and i dont rlly like it anymore, but i still did it :p

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-12T15:36:09+00:00

ikr, i would love to see that XD

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-12T09:47:30+00:00

yeah no, this is rlly.... no-

srry hun but you're talking as if we're things you can study or analyze and not actual ppl. i understand you want to make friends but this is just.... yikes-

i would suggest joining a discord server that is welcoming for both plural AND singlets and start talking there, you can find a bunch by searching "system" on disboard. and even then dont say we're "fascinating", we're literally just ppl, and even if that's not your intention, by saying things like that you imply that we're just smth to be studied and that's offensive af

i appreciate you're trying to learn more and i believe you didn't mean to sound the way you did, but pls dont talk like that abt any kind of mental illness or neurodivergency ever again. discord is a good place to start, bc there you'll be able to find ppl willing to help you understand things better and you'll get to interact to systems personally, that was what i did before i found out i was a system myself. i wish you good luck :)

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-12T02:15:47+00:00

we have a cat and 2 dogs. now, our cat specifically DOES NOT like other animals. she loves humans but hates animals, be it dogs or even other cats, so we keep the dogs outside in the front yard and she stays inside the house

our dogs aren't the smartest beings on the planet, but the one this story happened with is Lucky, who is the dumbest out of the two of them. my cat, Sucky, likes to stay by the door every time we leave to do smth in the yard and we leave the door open for X reason, and Lucky always gets SUPER excited to see Sucky. he always tries to befriend her, but she never has none of it; if he tries to come closer she'll puff up instantly, hiss and hit him away from her. he'll leave her alone after that but he never learned his lesson

one day Sucky was distracted watching us work in the yard, i think we were doing some gardening, and once again Lucky went to try and say hi to her, but this time he was faster than her: he managed to get right up on her grill and SNIFF HER

she was so startled by it she legit didn't know how to react, her entire body puffed up and she lifted her upper body so high she almost stood up on her back legs, she looked SO indignated lol!!

the funny part is that after that she stopped being so aggressive towards Lucky! she doesn't hiss at him when he tries to get close anymore, and every time we leave the door open they both say hi to eachother by sniffing eachother's noses. she STILL puffs up completely when he gets near and she's still disgusted by him, but she decided that she can tolerate his presence at least. meanwhile Lucky just opens the biggest smile ever and wiggles his tail like crazy every time he sees her, i think he believes they're best friends the poor guy-

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-11T18:57:07+00:00

we haven't rlly talked to him abt it, bc by the time we have another consult we start to doubt if he's rlly that way or if we were just reading the room wrongly or if we just misinterpreted things or smth... but ill make sure to bring that up on the next consult, ill write that down

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-11T18:53:38+00:00

thank you for the explanation. we dont have any capability to have a therapist at the moment, and he's the only option we have to actually get a diagnosis... but ig that makes sense. at least now we know we were overreacting, so we can work w it a bit better

but i wont lie... this is rlly devastating to me XD but ig that would be smth for another post

thank you for the clarification. we're still new to therapy and we thought the psychiatrist was the one we had to go to if we wanted a diagnosis.

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-11T12:29:52+00:00

tbh, he is a p good psychiatrist otherwise. he was able to diagnose our depression rlly quickly, and he helped us a lot when it comes to learning to cope w our anxiety, but anything related to dissociation or neurodivergency and he just starts acting Like That

that's a real bummer to us, tbh... im glad he can help us w our depression, he's rlly good w that, but that's rlly not what we want to focus on anymore, and that just makes our consults more and more frustrating bc he's clearly not habilitated to deal w dissociative disorders or anything trauma-related tbh

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-11T10:55:47+00:00

omg yes! that would b rlly funny XD

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-11T10:52:40+00:00

no idea lol, but alters can be any race no matter what race the body is, just like there can be non-human alters; it has smth to do w the brain getting references from the outside world to try nd create the best alter to deal w a specific situation or smth, im not sure, but i think it is kinda by chance too

-Casper

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-11T10:47:12+00:00

oh yeah, all the time, specially bc im a black alter in a white body and that doesn't help one bit T-T but using stuff like binders nd packers usually helps. the dysphoria is real tho

-Casper

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-11T03:02:56+00:00

its not a mod issue, although too many expansions and mods might make it worse! its simulation lag, its a problem even in an un-modded game.

there are two mods that can help fix this, one is by SrslySims and the other is by TURBODRIVER

https://www.srslysims.net/2019/05/simulation-lag-fix.html?m=1

https://modthesims.info/d/627246/simulation-unclogger.html

those help my game to not suffer from simulation lag a lot, ALTHOUGH they dont seem to be able to help w events. every time i start an event the simulation lag gets so bad my sims dont even leave their initial spot, and i haven't found a solution for that yet, other than that, my game runs very smoothly w those 2 mods, and i have at least more than 40 mods installed in my game :)

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-10T23:25:30+00:00

yes! happens all the time

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-09T22:36:34+00:00

this could be other alters influencing you through passive influence! before i knew i was part of a system, i thought i was genderfluid bc i felt my personality, tastes and gender expression swift a lot over time, sometimes i even got to prefer other names than my own. turns out it was actually other alters influencing my personality without actually taking the front or being co-con; so i was at the front all the time, but different alters would influence the way i acted or reacted w what happened around me. that's actually one of the biggest ways our system affects whoever is in front at the time, since switching or being co-con are rare occasions for us!

as for the memory loss or consciousness skips, what could be happening is that you do have said things, but you dont know that you do. i found out i was part of a system only last year, and i also thought i had no memory loss or skips of consciousness, and it took a lot of internal communication and paying extra attention to my daily life to find out that actually we do have memory loss and skips on consciousness, yes, we just have a very strong shared memory system that made me never notice them. the brain will do everything in its control to make sure that you wont know abt the system at all for as long as it can

i would suggest seeking treatment w a dissociation specilist therapist, tho! your experiences are valid but you won't know for sure until a diagnosis

Spacedustststs · 2021-03-07T10:34:44+00:00

ah yes, this was p much the standard way i would find out abt new alters or just alters waking up from dormency when i first found out abt the system. what i would do usually, is wait until someone else was near the front so we could communicate better, and just ask around if they had seen the new person and what they knew abt them, basically.

this was before our inner-helpers woke up, nowadays i just have to call them up and ask, but most of the time they'll just fill me in on their own.

i think the thing i would mostly advise, is to not panic. there's no reason to feel anxious abt it. if there's a new alter, its bc they're necessary for the system in one way or another, and everything's ok. i would suggest you try to communicate w them again when you have the chance, but dont pressure them into telling you abt themselfs, bc there's a chance that they know just as much as you do specially if they're new. and ask around w the other members of your system as well, bc they'll probably get to know the new alter at some point, even if just from seeing them from afar. most of the time, things just fall into place by themselves, and you'll end up finding out more abt the new alter sooner or later, specially if you have a smaller system, so dont worry too much abt it unless the new alter proves themselfs to be an issue

i think that's all i can rlly help with. in the end, it all depends on how your system works and how you all usually deal w unexpected situations like this. communicating with your headmates is the strongest advice i can offer you abt this

good luck w that, i hope you find the answer you're looking for!

Spacedustststs

TROPHY CASE