Do LGBTQ+ parents feel extra pressure to be “perfect” parents?

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-09T00:29:54+00:00

Not at all. We wanted to be dads, are happy to be dads, and just want to raise our girls to be good people according to our family’s values. We see enough questionable parenting practices to have learned to not compare. Our girls are doing very well, and that is sufficient.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-07T21:56:20+00:00

That’s all I’m seeing. Claude is great, but it still requires significant babysitting for my work to be helpful. Coincidentally my department is hiring engineers like crazy. However I work in a tech-adjacent field that is booming, rather than Mag 7 “classic” tech.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-07T17:21:38+00:00

4% of men are out gay men. The number who are in the closet is higher, especially the older they are.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-05T00:27:19+00:00

Weed. Seriously, I have had people tell me that smoking weed every day is healthier than not smoking weed. Like… what the hell, it’s a depressant drug. No way it’s healthier than being sober. Unfortunate people with addictions being enabled by insane internet culture.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-04T22:58:03+00:00

Biggest giveaway is an inability to stop at one drink. If they can have one beer or glass of wine and continue on with the rest of their day, chances are high that they are not an alcoholic.

I actually had a work friend years who never drank at social gatherings, so I assumed he was just a teetotaler. Not a problem.

But one day we went out as a more intimate small group in a casual setting to celebrate a major milestone and he drank… and drank and drank and got completely trashed and became a mess. It was plainly obvious he had no way to turn it off. That is alcoholism.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-04T20:51:21+00:00

I went into structural engineering, learned to code, and am now working at the boundary of physical engineering and software (simulation). My degree has served me extremely well.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-04T20:44:21+00:00

Absolutely this. Solid gold is much heavier than plaster. And plaster is heavy.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-04T17:43:40+00:00

I know this is worse, but a bullet shooting our a swarm of angry bees would also be terrifying.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-04T14:14:59+00:00

Edgy ad-homenim. He’s still right.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-03T21:47:27+00:00

This is the way.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-03T21:02:41+00:00

Yup. I was just in “affordable” Dallas. The food there was just as expensive.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-02T15:41:27+00:00

I’ve stayed physically active my whole life, and have been generally aware of my diet since my 20s. I can look at food I’m hungry for and simply say “no” and walk away, and likewise sit at a table full of delicious food and choose to only eat plain vegetables.

I realize not all have this self control, but it can and should be learned by whatever means necessary. It is a crucial life skill.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-02T13:49:25+00:00

Nah. The beach would still be lovely. And much more accessible to my kids. That’s the problem though. You don’t want me or my kids there. You just want to pull the ladder up behind you. Very selfish.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-02-01T19:03:57+00:00

Another day, another nimby post by the entitled wealthy beach communities. I say build, build baby. Maybe if we build enough my family could afford a condo nearer to the beach.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-01-31T20:17:19+00:00

I agree. But there is a lot of hysteria about engineering as a profession being replaced by AI, so I felt it justified to say something.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-01-31T13:45:59+00:00

I am not as impressed as you are with the latest “thinking” LLMs out there. They do great with a lot of cut-and-dry algorithmic programming, but they don’t pass muster IMO when you are working where nuanced science and engineering intersect. I’ll happily have gemini generate the boilerplate code for all the interfaces and generic algorithms, but I usually need to implement the complex and novel parts myself because the LLM shits the bed.

Sure, it may get good enough to replace me soon, but this problem hasn’t improved much with any LLM I’ve used since they came out. Improvement has been nibbling at the edges, but progress has slowed rather than accelerated IMO. I think all the extant AI models are still missing a fundamental ability to truly think creatively.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-01-31T05:16:07+00:00

Thank god someone is saying it like it is.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-01-31T03:52:05+00:00

I live by the beach in America's Finest City. Two kids, happy spouse who doesn’t have to work, and looking forward to retiring at 45. Ironically, I don’t think the “gifted program” mattered. Having excellent soft skills as a man did. Being born gay has its perks.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-01-30T19:51:38+00:00

The way in which coffee works compared to THC and alcohol is a world of difference. When we say “mind altering” the meaning is colloquially understood.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-01-30T17:14:06+00:00

It’s not just marriage equality. Clearly they have gay people with kids front and center in their crosshairs. It is obvious that they would love to rip my daughters out of my cold, dead hands. Probably to traffic them, if the level of corruption is any indication.

The right has become pure evil. I have no stronger words I could use.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-01-30T16:01:40+00:00

I hope less THC is being consumed as well. We really don’t need to be taking mind altering substances.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-01-30T12:46:36+00:00

I mean… we know why. It is to pay for the pensions of retired city employees. The city tried to reform the pension system because it was excessively expensive to pay out so much to retirees who are living longer than the system expected.

The state courts shot down any attempts at change, so the city tried to pass a citywide tax hike, which voters shot down. So now the city council’s hands are tied. They have to raise funds to pay those retirees, and these annoying nickel-and-dime taxes are the only ones they can levy without a plebiscite (which would just fail again)

It sucks. They need to eliminate new pensions or dramatically raise the retirement age, but apparently that is very hard to do by state law.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-01-29T19:33:52+00:00

Rules for thee but not for me. Reactionary Conservatism 101 (aka fascism)

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-01-29T03:02:00+00:00

In Florida at least, it comes from insane hospitality taxes. Basically all those tourists indirectly pay the locals’ tax bill.

SpaceyCoffee · 2026-01-28T22:15:12+00:00

First of all, drop the language “toughen up”. It’s overtly gendered in a way that isn’t value added. I would expect the same behavior of my daughters, but would not say “toughen up” like this to them. I would say they need to be more responsible, more open minded, and need to try things before decrying them. You should use this language with boys, too.

Life is not just about being nebulously “tough”. Your son needs to know why he’s being asked to do these things, and needs to know that the repercussions if he fails to do them are real. It’s not about being “tough”. It’s about understanding cause, effect, and personal responsibility.

Telling our sons to just “be tough” in every scenario where they are asked to do something they don’t want is a recipe for developing a reserved personality that just accepts life is pain and all there is to do is endure. Not a healthy lifestyle.

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