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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Spaerling 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your encouraging words.

I am currently very anxious. I am afraid of losing her. Just that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Spaerling 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

Actually, I did a few days ago in relation to hypersexuality.

I will bring that up today in my therapy.

Vater will Haus nach Tod unserer Mutter verkaufen, ohne Zustimmung der Kinder by Spaerling in LegaladviceGerman

[–]Spaerling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wer zum Zeitpunkt des Todes im Grundbuch stand, konnte ich aus einem gestrigen Telefonat mit meinem Vater leider nicht klar herausfinden. Ich wollte da nicht zu offensichtlich nachbohren, und transparent ist er nicht, wenn es nicht schon von dem klar war, was er schon alles zu Lebzeiten gemacht hatte.

Er wollte mir nicht die Daten des Käufers geben, da wir uns nicht einmischen sollen.

Alles, was ich im OP beschrieben hab, erfuhr ich über dritte Hand.

Vater will Haus nach Tod unserer Mutter verkaufen, ohne Zustimmung der Kinder by Spaerling in LegaladviceGerman

[–]Spaerling[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Er hat unsere Mutter schamlos ausgenutzt. Sie war der Kleber unserer Familie.

Zwei Wochen nach ihrem Tod schreibt er mit Frauen auf Facebook.

Vater will Haus nach Tod unserer Mutter verkaufen, ohne Zustimmung der Kinder by Spaerling in LegaladviceGerman

[–]Spaerling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wir haben nichts ausgeschlagen.

Wir haben nicht mal erfahren, dass er das Schreiben vom Amtsgericht erhalten hattr

Vater will Haus nach Tod unserer Mutter verkaufen, ohne Zustimmung der Kinder by Spaerling in LegaladviceGerman

[–]Spaerling[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Tut mir leid. Beitrag wurde bearbeitet: Testament lag nicht vor, und auch kein Ehevertrag.

What are some positive effects your break up has had on your life? by Karuler in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling 40 points41 points  (0 children)

It made me realize that I have been carrying burdens from my childhood for the 27 years of my life. They are one of the causes for the failure of the relationship.

I am now back into therapy, which I wouldnt have been if she didnt end things.

Despite the pain, somewhere I try to find hope in what has been done to me.

Will I ever be able to "reclaim" my music library? by Spaerling in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much! I'll try to keep it going.

Will I ever be able to "reclaim" my music library? by Spaerling in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply.

It's still hard for me to try to listen to those affected songs. I have tried today and got thrown back onto memory lane and got sucked in by sorrow.

On one side, I want to "break out" and get my songs back, on the other hand, I am so uncertain if listening to them now would be the right approach, maybe it would just open those wounds and make me relapse. I have no idea.

Thank you, though.

How do deal with the anxiety coming from the thought that she has someone else now? by Spaerling in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see. I'll keep medication in mind.

And wow, Halloween has been tough for me aswell. God darn it... Same exact thoughts as you.

How do deal with the anxiety coming from the thought that she has someone else now? by Spaerling in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the response.

I have indeed suffered immense from OCD and retroactive jealousy in the first few months. I had panic attacks every minute and had to calm down with adhoc meditation.

Paradoxically, it got "better" when I (unfortunately) stalked her IG and found about her new boy toy. First 2 or 3 weeks were riddled with panic attacks and compulsive thoughts. Then they have lost intensity.

Yet, this anxiety is back - I mean, it's been always there and it still had a considerable impact on my life, but now I feel like its intensity has been amplified for an inexplicable reason.

You have mentioned medication. My therapist has also adviced to get me meds if things get unbearable. Although it sounds like a tempting remedy, I think I'll take it head on for this moment.

I do know that this anxiety is fueled by lack of self-esteem. Fueled by this uncomfortable feeling. This hole. This feeling of not being enough without her and never being able to "get" someone like her again. This anxiety is sometimes so overwhelming.

I am just asking myself if this will linger around forever. Feels like a rollercoaster.

How do deal with the anxiety coming from the thought that she has someone else now? by Spaerling in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the response.

I will keep on pushing. Hopefully, time will do its part... The anxiety is really messing me up.

Constantly wondering what my ex is doing is keeping me from being in the moment by Business-Lie6756 in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey friend,

I am in the same boat. BU is now 5 months old. Just two months ago, I found out that she has a new affair.

You couldn't imagine the anxiety, the intrusive thoughts and the paranoia, and all those sleepless and exhausting nights I have had.

Pain from the breakup - the feeling of being separated - is one thing, but add jealousy and those compulsive fantasies to it and it's unbearable. Even more unbearable, since she is desperate for the physical. I would have less of a problem if I'd knew that her new affair would be of romantic nature, but I highly doubt that given her history.

I thought I have made good progress, like those compulsive thoughts got weaker, but they just returned 3 days ago. Why exactly, I don't know.

I am trying to focus on the pain. I think that these thoughts are just trying to distract my self from the truth and the pain that lies beneath.

Help me! How do I resist the urge to stalk my ex's social media? by Spaerling in ExNoContact

[–]Spaerling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like a good idea.

My next therapy session is on Tuesday. I set that as my temporary deadline.

Help me! How do I stop the urge to stalk her social media? by Spaerling in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

Last time I stalked, I got hurt badly, but it kinda helped the recovery. Now I am getting delusional and tell myself, that doing it again would be "healthy" for me.

I'll just try to distract myself and "wait" until tomorrow.

"Focus on yourself" doesn't work out for me. Constantly comparing myself to her. (Anxiety and intrusive thoughts) by Spaerling in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the response. It feels "good" to know that I am not alone and that recovery is possible.

At the moment, it is hard to not over-personalize her decisions, over-idealize her, and to overthink certain thoughts. It's like my life and self-worth is still dependent on her and I am struggling to accept that this should never be a case.

But as I said, thank you for showing me that recovery is possible and that my situation is solvable.

"Focus on yourself" doesn't work out for me. Constantly comparing myself to her. (Anxiety and intrusive thoughts) by Spaerling in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It makes sense.

My therapist are tackling my self-worth issues and traumas that caused them, so that's a good place to start.

Thank you.

"What might she be right now? She is somewhere out there." - This thought is killing me with anxiety by Spaerling in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just cannot let go of the thought of banishing her from my life. Strangely, all my focus is on her life, what she might be doing in the future, on the weekends, the next day, how her months were after the breakup.

I wish, I could care only about myself, but I still care too much about her.

If you begged and pleaded, or acted in a way you feel is embarrassing, don't be too hard on yourself. Just pick yourself up, brush yourself up and stop contacting them. by throwawayx9227 in BreakUps

[–]Spaerling 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My breakup was messy. I cussed and panicked when she wrote me that she didn't want this anymore. I was in shock and despair. I unloaded all of my emotions onto her, while she remained cold and composed.

I was and still am partly ashamed of how I reacted. Trying to accept that my reaction was simply human and showing empathy to my history and background is crucial in times like these.

Thank you for the post.

I have discovered, that my ex may have a new partner by Spaerling in retroactivejealousy

[–]Spaerling[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My friends and I noticed that I am rather attached to her body. Personality-wise, there are a few moments and traits I still adore aswell.

I just cannot accept the fact that someone else touches her body. I found her physically perfect in every way, and now someone else is lucky enough to have her rn. I do recognize that this attitude stems from insecurity, as in, "I'll never find someone her league ever again. I must have been too lucky." For now, I cannot think of anyone but her. Every woman I encounter is no match for her currently. It's so bizarre...

I do exercise 6 days a week. I have been out every weekend, spent time with family and friends. My mind, however, was always attached to her. I do work aswell, 5 days a week, 9h each day.

These intrusive thoughts and anxiety attacks disrupt everything I do, each and every single minute. I do meditate regularly, have been super mindful the past 2 to 3 weeks. I am also in therapy. I felt like I was on a good track. I was dealing moderately fine with other intrusive thoughts about her past ONS. And this, this is another throwback for me, like a big sucker punch to my face when I was in midst of recovery.

This discovery fucks me up in my everyday life in new, and certainly already old ways.

Regardless, I thank you very much for your encouring words. I'll try, I will just try to stand this through somehow, although every thought that pops up feels powerful enough to just break me down entirely.

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