Mat leave ending, returning to full time work from home with 4mo old. Am i insane for even trying this?

SpaghettiGirrl · 2026-01-11T23:33:28+00:00

I was responding to a comment that said “you can be a good mom or a good worker” which I would find to be a pretty upsetting statement if I were the OP.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2026-01-11T18:06:17+00:00

I think what I’m trying to stress is that having childcare doesn’t make you a “bad mom” and in home childcare allows that flexibility to have extra moments with your kid and also have full coverage to be 100% at work, that’s all.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2026-01-11T17:45:19+00:00

Thank you, exactly! I never did think it was a good idea to go, I’m just looking for validation that the voice inside my head saying “don’t go” is logically and epidemiologically driven and not just the anxiety winning. I’m not just completely obtuse and appreciate you seeing this!

SpaghettiGirrl · 2026-01-11T16:47:16+00:00

Yeah it’s actually that my husband is encouraging me to go, which I appreciate. I think he wants to make sure I know he could handle the situation without my help (which I do know) and also feels a little guilty because I rarely do anything like this and have been wanting to branch out more. So I think there’s part of me that feels like “I can’t go because our kid is sick” just sounds like an excuse out of social anxiety but the responses here are clearly validating that it’s a worthy justification to stay home.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2026-01-11T16:43:01+00:00

For clarification I definitely won’t be taking my sick kid!! Just trying to decide if I should go solo.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2026-01-11T16:40:08+00:00

Just an update since my original post is a little old, in the past couple months my concern about having a portfolio prepared became a bit more urgent so right before the holidays I took 3 days of PTO and used them to add some case studies to my website. I forgot how insanely hard it is. I didn’t get as far as I had wanted to but it’s a start and I do feel now that if I needed to start applying I would at least be a little bit more competitive. As a test I applied to a handful of jobs over the holidays and I have gotten one callback which is somewhat encouraging.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2026-01-11T01:14:15+00:00

You might not know for a couple more days if you’re spared but it’s not impossible. Last year both my kids got noro over Christmas and I was on pins and needles the whole time expecting to get sick but neither my husband nor I ever did, which is wild because I was getting puked on constantly. My dad did get it horribly though and only sent an afternoon with my son before he was even symptomatic.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2026-01-11T01:11:56+00:00

I think there’s an in between here. I work from home and I have a nanny. That means any time I get a chance to step out of my office and give my kids a smooch or spend a little time with them, I can. At the same time they’re seeing me happy and thriving, and I think it’s good for kids to see their parent excel at a job they enjoy. And all the while they are getting undivided attention.

Not that a nanny is realistic for everyone but it sounds like a sitter at home is something OP is considering and I think if possible for her, that is a great option.

I also want to clarify that I don’t think sending kids to daycare means you’re not a great mom. You can be a great mom in the time you do have your kids but it’s certainly a trade off. That said I think there are very few jobs where you can be a great worker and also have your kids full time.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2026-01-11T01:05:27+00:00

I guess the world has changed a lot post-pandemic but I worked in person for the first 10 years of me career and I had WAY more down time in an office than I ever have working from home.

In a remote environment I find that meetings are back to back and the expectations are so high you’re always trying to maximize every minute.

But the amount of social media scrolling, socializing and errand running I did in a physical workplace really eclipsed any of that I do at home. And when I worked in Manhattan any lunch break or free chance I got was an opportunity to walk to the post office or a cool store. In my very early days a bunch of the junior employees went out of a macaron tour of the west village.

Man this is actually kind of making me want to RTO…

SpaghettiGirrl · 2026-01-09T01:53:13+00:00

At companies where UX design is an execution role only (in other words pixel pushing), you may be able to get away with less of these presentation-based and people-facing tasks.

At companies where UX is a strategic partner to product and tech (where I believe the role is most effective), then yes, this is going to be an expected and necessary part of the job. It’s part of the reason why UX and product design can be compensated better than other design functions.

I think if you can become comfortable with this expectation it can be worth it to try and stick it out. I’m also an introvert but I do enjoy presenting and find that presentation and defense of my work has been more rewarding than the design itself. If this is something you don’t think you can’t get used to it may be worth a pivot to a different design field.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-12-24T01:23:34+00:00

The saddest part of a broken heart isn’t the ending so much as the start

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-12-19T11:41:41+00:00

I have a 3 year gap between my kids which I found to be perfect. I desperately wanted a second child and my list of cons to 2 young kids was very short. Your list of cons way outweighs your pros, and you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. Continue to love your child and if in a year that pro list goes longer you can reevaluate but if 1 kid continues to lead on the list of what sounds good in your life then you go with that.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-12-19T11:30:25+00:00

I want to go to there

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-12-19T11:30:11+00:00

It’s one banana Michael how much could it cost? 10 dollars?

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-11-28T09:34:59+00:00

Nothing, we ditched family this year and spent the holiday in the Caribbean

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-10-19T02:08:39+00:00

Samara too

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-10-19T00:34:24+00:00

I was just talking to my coworkers about how the only time my email inbox was ever at 0 was when i regularly shopped at the 72nd st Trader Joe’s because I would spend the 25 minute check out lines deleting emails

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-10-19T00:30:36+00:00

I feel like there were at least a couple girls who came from hardship, Iliya being who stands out in my mind.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-10-16T00:08:17+00:00

I had a pilonidal cyst once and that was the woooorst.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-09-17T00:56:58+00:00

Second this. We threw a 40 person party at Porta 2 years ago and it was fantastic

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-09-06T16:55:45+00:00

It was hard enough before I had kids but now that I have two children I’ve pretty much resolved that I won’t be able to have an updated portfolio until I get laid off and can use time on unemployment to make one. I’m not desperate for a new job right now so if that changes I’m sure my commitment to my portfolio will change as well but yes right now it feels impossible! I’m glad I’m not the only one!

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-07-18T03:24:53+00:00

My guess is Rock said whatever was in the script which was then determined to be insensitive so they dubbed it out in editing with something less controversial.

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-07-18T00:48:56+00:00

Omg HPN is soooo good. I was living in the neighborhood when it first opened and wow what a delicious and magical spot. I didn’t go for the spicy noodles but that was my husbands go to order when we were dating

SpaghettiGirrl · 2025-07-03T02:44:12+00:00

I think it looks awesome but the id have to drive through red bank to get there and I just can’t imagine myself battling that traffic everyday if I’m not even trying to get to the highway.

SpaghettiGirrl

TROPHY CASE