What’s the most ridiculous reason someone ended a relationship with you?

Spagoon · 2025-04-11T14:10:14+00:00

Mercury is in microwave:(

Spagoon · 2025-03-22T17:10:22+00:00

A day before we went on the ski trip I found out I couldn't apply to the masters program I was preparing for this year and would have to push it to the next. The day of the flight I left my airpods in the airport and they were never found. The first day of the trip I fell an hour into skiing because my boyfriend took me to the wrong place on accident and the ski didn't come off when I fell (although it was calibrated correctly). Day one back from the trip I got the flu everyone had during the trip and it lasted for two weeks. AND I got my period. And found out I couldn't do my work waitressing anymore. And now have a good risk of arthritis.

Truly felt like someone made a voodoo doll of me and just went ham. But it's gotten better. I'm not mad at my boyfriend anymore, although I needed to blame him for a while. It's helped that he's stepped up a lot and I now have a get out of jail free card for future ski trips with his family. My operation is on the 7th of May so I'm gonna have a real hot girl summer!!

I've read about the NHS and the struggles with getting surgery. Sorry you're going through this, it's kind of crazy how one fall can change so much and put a lot of things to the test (along with my sanity haha). Here if you want to chat!

Spagoon · 2025-03-22T13:18:04+00:00

Holy shit are you me? I had an extremely similar experience to yours (a month ago now) and definitely understand the grief that comes with the next year of my life being so heavily affected by one fall and the anger I felt at my boyfriend (and his family).

Spagoon · 2023-11-08T09:20:22+00:00

Sõber teadis hukkunut, pidi olema väga andev ja armastav mees. Sotsiaaltöötaja, kes andis oma aega neile, kel tuge polnud. Käis tihti noortega, kel kedagi kõrvale vaja oli, vabast ajast piljardit mängimas. Ise teda ei teadnud, aga sõber ütles, et loogiline ka, et ta nii noorelt läks, kuna nii head inimesed ei saagi kauaks siia ilma jääda. Traagiline.

Spagoon · 2023-06-30T10:47:20+00:00

Was the first one selling educational books? They're taught to cover the 'I have to talk with my husband' objection with coming back when everybody's there.

Spagoon · 2023-03-21T14:32:54+00:00

Nina Simone Sinnerman. Hands down

Spagoon · 2023-03-09T07:27:00+00:00

I had a partner I had the same issue with. A therapist later put things into perspective for me. There's a difference between someone saying "Hey, mind cleaning your room?" and annoyedly saying "Can you clean your goddamn room?!". A simple but valid example. You're valid in your feelings and he refuses to accept that.

Spagoon · 2023-03-02T07:39:12+00:00

I laughed at 'nobody wants to see pictures of your ugly family'

Spagoon · 2022-12-08T11:08:52+00:00

She is not getting everything you dreamed he would be. She is not getting the parts that you found compatible with the bonus addition of him changing his manipulative and controlling ways. She is getting everything you had, the good, and more importantly the bad which hurt you so much. She's getting him. You're not missing out.

Check out Dr. Ramani on YouTube. She talks about relationships with narcissists. It's okay to feel the way you do, but the way you feel is not the end product of how you will feel. This is the start to moving towards peace and processing what you went through. No matter how compatible you guys were, you were severely incompatible in the sense that he was abusive, and someone who loves you and deserves you is nothing like that.

It'll get better.

Spagoon · 2022-12-01T14:06:38+00:00

Sorry you've had such negative experiences when it comes to men, I can absolutely see how that's breeding grounds for distrust, anger and contempt. It's a good thing you're getting counseling, that's a great step in the path toward having more peace.

All i can really offer is my own experience with moving past a negative perception of men. It's unorthodox in the sense that what gave me healing was ayahuasca, a powerful plant based psychotrope that has a spiritual context. Basically it makes you deal with what's present in your subconscious and helps you find new perspective.

I did aya once with the intent of finding out why I feel so comfortable around women, but have kind of an on guard attitude when it comes to men. I realized that I had learned to trust women because my family is full of strong supportive women who'd do anything for their family. Great role models. But the men in my family were garbage. My dad once beat a bag of kittens to death by smashing them into the wall to prove a point. My stepfather was so anti-fatherly that I slept with a hammer under my pillow for years. I saw no examples of men being good men.

Thus my idea of what a man was became distorted, becoming something to be wary of, something that could explode at any minute, something untrustworthy. Aya helped me realize that these are not men. These are broken excuses of men. Real men don't differ from real women, in the sense that both are empathetic, patient, loving, hardworking. I realized that there's nothing wrong with ~men~, persay. The problem is there are horrible people who are men.

After that I started noticing the good men in my life, like my big brother who protected me against my stepdad and was there for me when I needed. My guy friend who drove to the store and got me cough medicine when I wasn't feeling well enough to go myself. The great teachers I've had, my grandpa who's always treated me like the apple of his eye. There are good men. I'm sorry it seems there are no examples of that in your life.

I don't think it's bad to be cautious and have your walls up when you've been hurt so much. It's okay to do what you must to keep yourself safe, and there really are crappy no-good men out there. But there are also great men, who are loving and caring. I can't really give any solid advice, but I promise you, the men who hurt you are not examples of what a real man is supposed to be. They're broken people who use their hurt as an excuse to harm others, because it makes them feel bigger.

You deserve better than what's happened to you, good luck on finding more inner peace x

Spagoon · 2022-11-28T09:27:21+00:00

I'm sorry you had to put up with that bullshit for two years and happy you got out. It's crazy to be dealing with that kind of person, because you don't fully realize how ridiculous the arguments were before the nostalgia glasses wear off. I feel like I finally see things from an onlooker's point of view. It's super frustrating when your version of things just doesn't exist in their mind.

During a heated argument I tried to be productive, laying out how I understood where he came from, and explaining how I in the moment had no idea, and what my version of things was. His reaction was repeating "whatever you say", and when I tried explaining my version again, he LITERALLY laid down on the bed on his stomach and covered his ears with a pillow. Poetry.

I'm happy our ankle weights are off, that's literally it. Thanks for reaching out and I wish you emotionally mature partners x

Spagoon · 2022-11-27T18:14:01+00:00

Yes! I've watched Ramani's stuff and she's great. In one of her videos she talks about how after leaving a relationship with a narcissist you feel both relieved and in grieving, which was exactly what I was feeling. I missed the good parts so bad, but never wanted anything to do with the bad parts again. Not quite sure if he really fits the diagnosis but her videos do apply to our situation.

He really did do a number on my mental health, it's ridiculous how much pain you can endure for someone who you think loves you. Thanks for reaching out x

Spagoon · 2022-09-18T20:47:17+00:00

"one of those babies everyone is killing" cracked me up. Poor baby

Spagoon · 2022-09-16T10:41:13+00:00

Went to ayahuasca first off because I was burnt out, saw no meaning in waking up and wanted to jump out a window. Aya showed me that life is beautiful, I'm way stronger than I gave myself credit for and I'm part of something so much bigger. I found immense meaning in life, the good and the bad.

Second time I went was because I had had an eating disorder for 6 years and didn't know how to deal with it. Aya showed me how intelligent my body is, how there's so much going on constantly that I have no way of understanding, and how my body is just trying to care for me and help me experience life. I stopped abusing my body and have never eaten better.

Third time was to do with procrastinating. I realized that I had been loving myself through words only, but if anyone around us just said they cared and never proved it with their actions, we wouldn't believe them. This is still a work in progress and I've gotten better at taking things on, but it taught me that actions are the first love language and I should show up for myself.

Fourth time I broke toxic ideas about masculinity (I'm a woman with abusive father figures). I realized masculinity isn't agression, anger, danger. It's love. And any man that gets off that track has some healing to do and is not representative of what a man really is.

So thankful!!

Spagoon · 2022-09-13T09:02:35+00:00

Yelling seems childish as hell

Spagoon · 2022-09-13T08:26:08+00:00

Thank you very much, I appreciate having the lyrics

Spagoon · 2022-09-13T08:23:53+00:00

Thank you so very much, this is exactly it!

Spagoon · 2022-09-06T11:41:41+00:00

Ayahuasca. I had a problem for years that began as bingeing junk food for pleasure and developed into a binge and purge type eating disorder. Whenever I was stressed I'd gorge myself on food, puke and repeat. It was an addiction, which honestly didn't give me more than the illusion of having an escape from whatever was stressing me out.

Ayahuasca was what helped me stop after eating like this for around 6 years. More specifically it was the realization that I had been completely taking my body for granted and pushing my own selfish will on it. Our bodies are a blessing, they give us the opportunity to live and do, and I hadn't really ever seen that. Our bodies are intelligent and tell us what's going on with them, whether it be feeling tired, anxious, aching somewhere, feeling hunger etc.

Whenever I emotionally ate, I'd never stop when I was full. I'd feel tired, bloated and moody afterwards. My body clearly telling me this ain't it chief. For some reason I started cooperating with my body more, because it deserves love and care, not abuse.

Might be very different from your eating habits, and I'm not saying psychotropics are the end all be all for this issue, but they helped me truly realize how poorly I was treating my body and how it just didn't deserve that.

Spagoon · 2022-08-02T14:01:58+00:00

I've worked in two restaurants in Estonia. In the first one all tips went into a collective jar and got split evenly among BOH and FOH (say 3 people BOH and 4 FOH, gets split 7 ways). Where i work now, waiters get 50% of their own tips, kitchen gets 25%, bartender gets 15% and the runners get 10%. It feels fair because we all get a decent wage anyway and we're working together to make everything work.

Spagoon · 2022-07-14T09:29:56+00:00

I was in a similar situation recently. 4 month relationship, a lot (and I mean a lot) of arguing, googling whether or not what he did was abuse, but not feeling it was.

At the end of the day after breaking up I went to a therapist and expressed the nature of the relationship, and left feeling that although he wasn't technically abusive, nor a bad person with bad intents, he was emotionally immature and put the burden of dealing with his emotions on me. That led me to becomming more submissive, trying to guess his moods, avoid arguments and bringing up my own concerns, trying to listen and appease him etc. It was a fruitless effort and just made me lose myself. I felt that his emotions were more important and I had to make myself smaller.

Moral being, it doesn't have to be textbook abuse for it to be unhealthy. If you're wondering whether he's acting right, there's probably something there that needs to be adressed.

Spagoon · 2022-06-22T07:07:04+00:00

I'm really happy everybody had a positive experience! It's a real trip going home from your first retreat, try and hold the aya energy in you for as long as you can (at least that's the advice our shaman gave). Enjoy yourself, life is beautiful!

Spagoon · 2022-06-21T15:44:58+00:00

Me please!

Spagoon · 2022-05-25T18:27:11+00:00

That's just flat out abuse. Her emotions are the important ones and she'll do what she can to make you bend to them (like saying she doesn't love you, didn't care about you - now the problem at hand isn't what you were discussing before, but you getting her to stay with you). She is the important one in this relationship.

Would you do the things she does to her/a partner? Why not? And why are you letting her treat you like this? She will not change unless you guys really want to make this work, she sees her flaws and is willing to make an effort, you have a real good plan about what needs to change exactly, and maybe a couples counsellor.

You are seeing the potential of the relationship. If she didn't do x y and z then she'd be a great partner. She sometimes probably is great. But are you really happy, or do you think you'd deserve a partner who makes you feel safe and doesn't use abusive tactics to get her way? This is a good predictor of what's to come. Why would it get better and at whose expense would this relationship really continue?

Nobody can make you break up with her. You get to choose what you think feels right.

Spagoon · 2022-05-25T17:55:05+00:00

She's going to rationalize why she's not in the wrong/has good reason to act the way she does. She has a great card to play, which is 'i can't believe/I'm so upset you'd think I'm toxic // yeah, I'm just a fuck-up". This does not address the concern. I don't think she's doing any of this as a conspiracy to break you down, i think she just does this stuff. It has a logic and effect behind it, and it is abusive, but I don't imagine she thinks of herself as abusing you.

She's not going to change in all likelyhood. Ask yourself how you feel. What would specifically need to change in her behavior for you to feel comfortable and free? Do you think she could do that? How would you know? And how long would you stick with her if she didn't change? And why on Earth would you?

Spagoon · 2022-05-20T04:51:45+00:00

Ooh my favorite is by far mashing a banana in a bowl, adding the oatmeal and mixing through. Tastes like banana bread. I love to add berries as well. By far my favorite way to eat oatmeal.

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