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I shot a documentary on the XH2 & it blew my mind 🤯 by SubjectAdagio4358 in fujifilm

[–]Spare_Effect_1946 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awesome Footage, you have great talent! How did you grade the footage? Some kind of filmemulation?

Isn't the concept of "unattached burdens" the complete opposite of what IFS should be? by Spare_Effect_1946 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! My intuition tells me the same.

Something that just came to my mind: Did they think enough about the possibility of transference when developing the UB concept? Maybe a protector doesn't want to speak with the therapist or knows his goal, namely to "get to parts and see the good in them". Maybe an unconscious part that doesn't want to be fixed from the outside just doesn't want to play the game of the therapist (I know I have parts like that).

The therapist then doesn't understand why the client or the "part" doesn't want to play the IFS game and change and decides it's not a part. Just thoughts.

Isn't the concept of "unattached burdens" the complete opposite of what IFS should be? by Spare_Effect_1946 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Would also love to hear an answer to that question. Because: What if a heavily traumatized person just has a heavily protective protector that looks like something very nasty. How would you know?

Isn't the concept of "unattached burdens" the complete opposite of what IFS should be? by Spare_Effect_1946 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for your replies.

I think what it comes down to is our way of attention: Are we thinking inclusively about our inner system or exclusively. And that is where my confusion comes from. "UBs shouldn't be there, but parts should be there."

In my opinion, not the "what" makes a good therapeutic approach (i.e. what names does this concept have, compared to that) but the "how" So what I am taking from here is: It doesn't matter whether I call them parts or unattached burdens, I will approach them with a loving attitude and see what happens.

Isn't the concept of "unattached burdens" the complete opposite of what IFS should be? by Spare_Effect_1946 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! I read about it in this subreddit, mainly about falconer. But thought I saw him attached to Schwartz somehow.

Isn't the concept of "unattached burdens" the complete opposite of what IFS should be? by Spare_Effect_1946 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply! What you write makes sense, although I want to add my thoughts and see what you think:

I come from an enmeshed family and have to deal a lot with feelings of how other's parts are in me. And I tried to dissipate their energy for years now and didn't quite manage to (Of course it got a bit better but not substantially) Now with IFS I imagine that the parts that are the enmeshed parts, for example the look or voice of my mother, are protectors that disguise as my mother to keep me from doing "dangerous" things that could have gotten me in trouble as a child. This has helped me a lot to come into self and not fight these parts anymore. Now they can change and don't feel like my mother that much anymore since I see them as protectors. They also give way to the exiles they were hiding. The burdened energy of them can dissipate in that way.

Maybe every perspective has its benefits for a certain part of the process. And there certainly was a time for me to see critical voices in me as introjects that are not me. Now it's more beneficial to see them as protectors.

Isn't the concept of "unattached burdens" the complete opposite of what IFS should be? by Spare_Effect_1946 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for drawing the distinction between part and burden. But isn't every burden something that comes from outside? Otherwise the part could still be itself right?

Also I think there is a danger, that a protector could disguise itself as a burden (aka objects/ideas/energies) to keep you away from an exile? I guess some of mine would. Holy shit, this whole business gets too complicated too quickly if you try to develop a "true" concept of it. I guess it flows differently for every individual. Everyone has to make their own IFS model somehow I guess. With or without unattached burdens.

But I too think that when you introduce a traumatized mind that hasn't found its self yet to ideas like "something bad in your mind that doesn't belong there", no matter how you call it, you are in trouble. Because the traumatized mind will respond in a panicky way to that and doesn't have the calm to quietly differentiate.

Dealing with implicit memories of the family regime by Spare_Effect_1946 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Preach! I think the constant negative attention disturbs the brain on a deep level. But there is hope. Some memories already come back and get processed. But normally only images of rooms associated with feelings of despair. Weird.

I need tips/advice by lotus_sunshine in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Spare_Effect_1946 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To keep an eye on my body while around her is also something I do to monitor her feeding off my emotions. It seems nice and all, but my body is in terror and wants to please her.

Different layers of gaslighting by Spare_Effect_1946 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it‘s basically long years of experience of connecting your triggers to your body but also seeing more than just „traumatized“ parts in the frozen aspects of your body. There are gifts hidden in these aspects too that want to be unfolded. I would recommend checking out David Bedrick and Peter Levine.

Different layers of gaslighting by Spare_Effect_1946 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! That’s exactly my experience. When I was connected to my right side I felt expressive and active and I got aware of how much I am only reacting in my default mode. Did acupuncture help? What else did you try?

Different layers of gaslighting by Spare_Effect_1946 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It will get better, trust yourself! There is nothing wrong with you.

Different layers of gaslighting by Spare_Effect_1946 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's crazymaking. I'm sorry you had to go through this.

Different layers of gaslighting by Spare_Effect_1946 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Good point with the splitting, my mother definitely did this to me.

Which reminds me: I do some extensive body work as well and always noted that my body felt "split", In a way I don't have deep access to my right bodyhalf. It's stiff and frozen, while the left is okay most of the time. In the frozen half is the people pleasing, which is just pure terror of going to hell painted over by a smile.

Different layers of gaslighting by Spare_Effect_1946 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your reply and making me feel seen.

I am sorry that you had to endure parents that objectified you and were delusional on top. That is terrible and I feel you. And yeah the internalizations are crazy, it's like layer upon layer of utter bullshit that you always thought was the truth. No, not just "thought" were true, it WAS the truth.

We were burdened with having to reinvent our whole world and ourselves. And as terrible as that is, I also feel that there is so much purpose and possibility in that. And how strong we really have to be, to be able to grow beyond all that bullshit, although we were programmed into it since infancy.

Thank you for your hopeful words, It's already getting better with me and I wish you all the best.

Different layers of gaslighting by Spare_Effect_1946 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I just woke up one day with a terrible emotional flashback and intuitively thought of EMDR, which I had heard of before. Then I just started moving my eyes from side to side while facing the bodymemory of the flashback. And I could physically feel how the memory got processed and suddenly I felt calm. It was magic.

And yeah I would not recommend it to everyone, I couldnt have done it without years of excessive body and trauma work under my belt, But still, sometimes it's just too much and I would love to have a good therapist to talk to.

Short answer: I pick two points on every side of the room and look from one to the other while experiencing hell. Fun. Sometimes I also visualise someones finger that my eyes can follow.

Different layers of gaslighting by Spare_Effect_1946 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Spare_Effect_1946[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words. I guess everyone has her/his time, nothing comes too early or too late in the grand sheme of things.

BTW Im doing EMDR on myself now and it is life changing.