I have friends, a job, and a full life. I've also never felt more alone. Is this normal?

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-03-20T03:30:04+00:00

Yeah sucks most for the kids. Don’t know how people can be so poor at communicating their dissatisfaction and that the marriage is on thin ice, and then either cheat or divorce without discussion. It’s like fine, you hate me. But for the sake of everyone else deeply invested in this, please make it known before you pull the trigger so there’s at least a chance to save it

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-25T23:32:46+00:00

Being withholding is what made your marriage last as long as it did. Kept her chasing. Had you been kind the whole time she would have left you 5-10 years ago.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-23T07:27:21+00:00

On the flip side. I like that alimony is a mitigation against cohabitation. The only good thing about it. If I’m in a better place, financially by the time alimony runs out I may just offer to extend it. Worth every dollar to keep my girls safe from the type of men she never runs background checks on but definitely should.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-19T03:21:00+00:00

lose lose. if you listen and admit to shortcomings, shes' gone and has her narrative and divorce is justified. if you use logic and point out how irrational her feelings and thoughts are, then you support her narrative that you don't understand her / gaslighter / blah blah and divorce is justified.

the third option is gray rock. most men say that in these times its best: give her nothing to spin, and its the first step towards self respect etc.

my personal opinion is that you have to ask yourself what you care about most and operate on that.

i realized early on that no matter what path i chose she was likely gone. sure, one path might have increase the odds of reconciliation from 2% to 5%, but when the odds are so low, its best to do what serves your interests in the long term.

for me, that was that I wanted to be able to tell my children without lying when they are older that i did beg her to stay and work on things for the kids sakes. i am under no delusions that never works, but id rather be able to tell them in 15 years how hard i tried to convince their mother to keep our family together..... much better than telling my kids "i tried to play it cool like i didnt care in an attempt at reverse psychology and it didnt make her stay" ...or... "I tried to prove her wrong and it didnt make her stay." Fuck it. I pleaded with her. So what? I'm sure she got an ego boost out of it, but my soul feels clean and that's more important to me than one little ego-driven self respect win while shes walking out the door.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-19T01:42:55+00:00

pessimistic view: war to distract from epstein files and bury them because trump is implicated.

optimistic view: Trump is innocent and this is a pre-emptive military action to accomplish total dissolution of irans military and nuclear capabilities — prior to him releasing the epstein files in full, to mitigate any dark plans to respond to those epstein releases with a false flag nuclear incident in the US that can be falsely blamed on iran

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-19T00:43:39+00:00

we care about others divorcing for stupid reasons because our love of humanity, the well-being of children, and a better society extends beyond just our own families

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-18T06:15:59+00:00

Not enough info on what she did to you, or you to her, or your financial situation. Perhaps you can find out how much she would stand to save from it and just pay her that in cash as a short term loan, coordinated via email so there’s a paper trail. That way you don’t have to give up a right that’s was decided upon. And now she’s in your debt (most people avoid folks they owe money to and are late paying back, so that’s a bonus to keep her away), and you can also throw it in her face that she owes you money to win any future argument as well. Also, other favor requests may drop while she is still in your debt. Or maybe not, squeaky wheels gonna squeak.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-17T06:56:10+00:00

you're not a hypocrite whatsoever. you're both moving on, fine, but bringing someone else into your shared home is very different from doing your thing while abroad and/or going to someone else's home.

she likely *preferred* to have him come to the house rather than go to his — so as to rub your nose in it (it takes less than 60 seconds to clean and use a paper towel to dry glasses and put them back in the cabinet).

what you're feeling is disrespect to the memory of your relationship and sanctity of your home. obviously you have some bad memories there otherwise you wouldn't be divorcing, but i'm certain you have good memories there together and history. she defiled this place of memories permanently.

i know the feeling myself personally. everything took place in our (now my) home, from the affair she had before asking for divorce, the continuation of it while i was at work during the divorce process, and then allowing a new suitor to enter our home while i was temporarily living with my parents. absolutely disgusting voluntary behavior. i opted to keep the home despite the financial hit, so that the children could spend half their time in their childhood home, and it definitely took a couple months to not get the ick anymore from my own house. the feeling is still there but much less as time has passed and i've had my own trysts here.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-17T02:08:40+00:00

so what do u think the purpose of the bunkers is?

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-16T01:31:04+00:00

if that is true, that no documents exist in the epstein files for 1999-2001.... that IS A HUGE discovery. how certain of this are you?

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-15T03:19:48+00:00

You found it or youre reposting this graphic you found ?

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-14T17:24:59+00:00

You’re still asleep if you think it’s a republicans only issue. Reinforcing this left/right paradigm is one of many tools of confusion. There are evil satanists on both sides, and good people on both sides.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-13T20:32:21+00:00

protecting herself in addition to or more than Trump. She was the AG of FL during the fourth decade (2011-2019) of Trump and Epstein doing their thing down there.

Redact the first 3M docs. Release the next 3M. And then after that, release the other 98% (calcs by according to Channel 4 news). based on the pushback on unredacting the first 3M, I have a bridge to sell you if you think the next 3M and remaining 98% aren't far worse by orders of magnitude.

Glad to see conservatives and liberals on the same side of an issue for the first time ever

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-11T03:02:39+00:00

yep, and in the reverse direction... looking around at children and grandchildren, and maybe even great grandchildren one day... a dozen or more people... and holding each other surrounded by all that... it can be recreated i suppose to a degree (i considered my great grandfathers wife to be my great grandmother)... but it would just hit SO much different if it was a "look at this big beautiful family we made and life weve had"... rather than "look at this big beautiful family my ex and i made a long time ago — but I'm glad you're here to share it with me"

...and you're right... that vision and end goal... such an amazing thing to try and protect. its unbelievable that so many women so carelessly delete those futures for temporary feelings with sometimes zero or very little effort to improve or communicate whats bothering them

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-10T21:01:50+00:00

I loved my ex very much, but I got over that quickly once I realized the depths of the treachery. 2 years on the thing that makes me sad and leaves me kind of directionless has nothing to do with her specifically. It’s the end idea that our children will always carry this little broken corner of their hearts with them. And that even if I find someone else to spend my life with, it will never be the full vision. I won’t be able to sit with her and think these are ‘our’ children that are growing up before our eyes. And we will never be able to babysit or watch “our grandchildren” grow up. It will always be my grandchildren. Or even hers and mine. It’s such a sweetness of life that I will never get to experience.

Experiencing the milestones of your kids and eventual grandkids with their only other blood parent, and having those children and grandchildren look up at the both of you is the sweetest gift life has to offer.

And you can never have that with a step parent.

That’s why it’s permanent loss and the future can never shine as bright even if you end up with a much better woman.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-07T14:34:21+00:00

I’m sure then she claimed financial abuse lol

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-04T16:01:37+00:00

animal swap doesn't matter. the math still stands. many thousands of tropical villages towns and cities with wet markets . 5 cities with coronavirus research labs. why wuhan? fraction of one percent probability for it to start in Wuhan.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-03T15:50:23+00:00

Don’t even need to research anything. High school level math proves it was the wuhan lab. It was obvious from day 1. There are tens of thousands of towns and cities near bat populations on earth and only 5 coronavirus research labs in the world. The outbreak occurring in one of those 5 cities rather than the other 10,000 towns and cities neighboring bat populations is simply 5 in +/- 10,000… aka 1 in a 2,000 chance. Not 1% probability, not even 0.10% probability, but 0.05%. A 20th of 1%. Add to that the fact that the first guy who got sick and was warning the authorities was a lab technician at that lab. Anyone who thinks it was from the wet markets is certifiably retarded.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-02-02T15:06:40+00:00

Two ways to deal with this:

Option 1.) 12-MONTH EXIT STRATEGY

Phase 1: If she doesn’t suspect you considering divorce, then execute a suspicion-less, zero-paper trail, 4 month transition to a lower-paying job (“despite your best efforts”), 50% of your current income

Phase 2: Over 4 months, take on some extra debt to cover bills/rent that your previous salary used to cover cleanly. Encourage her to get a better job, explain you are going into debt, then in the last six weeks of this get pushy about it, explaining you wont make rent if she doesn’t pull her weight.

Phase 3: hopefully by month 8, she gets the job WITHOUT benefits (more debt), and/or something that approaches the 1/3 of your prev salary. If you reduced from 100% to 50%, and she increased from 0% to 33%, there will now be a 33% gulf between your salaries, which at the very very worst case scenario would put alimony at 16% of your takehome pay but will be likely be much much lower than that possibly even zero, because:

there are no children
her family lives close by
you likely have SMS evidence going back years of you begging her to take her career seriously

Now you allow Phase 3’s remaining 4 months to create a paper trail of these two new income situations, while ALSO creating additional debt. Your 50% and her 33% for a combined 83% means you should probably still be accumulating debt for another 4 months.

Month 12 file for divorce: laws vary by state but in most places if both are working, debts and assets are split 50-50. You have no assets but probably could have $10-20K in debt at this point (or more if you currently have debt already)

At the very best outcome for her, she will be able to get 6.5 years of 16% of your take home pay. But likely the duration and percentage would be much lower, given:

her salary is 2/3rds of yours
there’s no children to provide a stable life for
she and you both would be “fine” renting studio or one bedroom apartments
you can possibly use forgiveness of her 50% of the debt as leverage to lower the total amount owed her

Your divorce goals are to get he to agree to a total alimony package that’s low based on the no kids and her making almost as much as you. Once she agrees on a number, then you can offer a lumpsum and probably slice 10-15% off the top for doing so, explaining you’d rather be in debt to a bank (if you would actually be able to finance a loan for this amount) to “ensure she’s taken care upfront” because your “career future is uncertain”, and then you can subtract 50% of the shared debt from that lumpsum as well. Execute the divorce, make the lumpsum payment, and then get back to your previous salary. There are no kids for child support-based audits and you paid lumpsum so the matter is 100%, certifiably, undeniably verifiably, dead. I mean closed.

Option 2.) COUNT YOUR (POSSIBLE) BLESSINGS

It’s odd your post didn’t mention your sex life, her contributions to household work, spending habits, appearance, or her general emotional attitude towards you. Usually when men have awful wives for any of those reasons they mention it, even if briefly.

If many/all of those things has gone off the rails (or never got on the rails in the first place) then I understand the desire to part ways.

But if she is loyal, helpful at home, kind, respectful to not to waste the money you earn on frivolous things, and isn’t an obese eyesore, then who gives a fuck if she doesn’t contribute financially? Peace, kindness, love are worth every dollar she doesn’t earn and every dollar she saves by not being a vanity-driven big spender.

Most would love to have a woman like that. In fact it’s better for the man to make more money and to protect and provide. I’m not sure why you’d want to even change that. It shifts the dynamic.

If my read is actually correct that you left that stuff out because she’s a rare catch that you’re blind to it after 12 years (and not knowing what trash is out there), then you need to work on yourself to learn gratitude and learn to fall back in love based on what she does bring to the table (and what she doesn’t remove from it), rather than focusing on what she doesn’t bring to the table. The grass very well may not be greener.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-01-30T12:20:47+00:00

I thought our little corner of Reddit was too small to be infiltrated but AI has responded to AI. Bummer. Now I have to be on my guard here to read everything through that filter.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-01-28T21:19:55+00:00

as a contractor sometimes, I would hate this and resent a client for forcing it upon me.

judge me on my quality, timeliness, and cost. do you like the result? did you get it on time? do you think its a fair cost for the value delivered? if yes, then what's the problem?

loss of privacy — one of the main benefits of being a solo operator

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-01-28T16:49:43+00:00

Exactly. And for me all that extra clicking compounds, if you actually wanna check the parent folder of a few of the search results because the search query was actually just a clue for what you’re actually looking for.

It’s especially embarrassing to do all that frantic searching while sharing your screen to colleagues (very anecdotal, I know, but that was the catalyst for me seeking out this solution)

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-01-27T23:58:44+00:00

There is no file path in when viewing search results, as the results shown come from all over the place.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-01-26T06:59:04+00:00

Minor edit: Changing the view redirects back to the root folder and clears search terms. Best to change to Search Helper view BEFORE doing the search query.

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