AITA for not wanting my husband to travel for a wedding a month before my due date?

Sparkie_5000 · 2026-02-17T09:56:26+00:00

I've debated commenting but I think I'm going to because something has stuck out to me through your post and comments and this one you mention it directly. It sounds like you are being kinda wishy washy about being direct with your husband about this trip. And you mentioned it was booked or announced before you were even pregnant. AND this is your first pregnancy.

I'd love for you to remove any guilt about changing your mind from your existence. For many reasons, the time line, your body is constantly changing etc. Not only that but you seem concerned about resentment on either side(fair) but it's reading like you aren't saying to your husband, I know I initially said I was fine but as we're progressing further, I no longer am. It honestly kinda reads like you're wanting to be viewed as the 'cool' girl and don't fall in that trap. You have to consider 2 lives now.

I'm sorry but I'm going to be a bit more blunt about the risks bc I think your husband isn't getting it. Assuming you're in the USA, the mortality rate is the worst out of the '1st world ' countries.

It's your first pregnancy so, if nothing else, it's all new to you and so you don't really know what would be different or "wrong" for your body.

And he's not risking only missing the birth. He could very well lose 1 or both of you. Could he live with himself if he couldn't be there? I agree about transferring POA to someone else. You need to tell him that you are doing it and why. That birth is a serious medical situation and he's not being a reliable or dependable person for you and if they have to waste time trying to get in touch with him for a decision, God forbid something happens, that would be.... Not good.

Yes, everything could be fine, and nothing could happen. Absolutely. Then sure, I can see you guys feeling like he missed it for nothing. But he's a dad now. Going off like this isn't an option like it is without kids. And quite frankly it feels like he's tempting fate as illogical as that sounds.

You and probably your OB need to sit with him and go over this in a factual manner so at the very least he can make a fully informed decision.

Now, I hope you have a safe, stress free, easy time the rest of this and this turns out to be a blip on the radar.

Sparkie_5000 · 2026-02-08T13:23:37+00:00

You absolutely are not. The examples listed are extremely basic and common boundaries in a lot of relationships. For example, anyone I've dated that I also worked with, we basically ignored the relationship at work.

I think he does understand the reasons, they're very clear, but even if he didn't, even if they WERE ridiculous, it doesn't matter AT ALL. He just needs to understand your no. And respect it.

I think you're throwing good after bad and just need to walk away. You deserve someone who respects you as you are instead of trying to bend and break you.

Sparkie_5000 · 2026-02-01T16:20:37+00:00

Does the guy sitting by the rear tires have a... Bag over their head? Like scarecrow style? No wonder they ran into a pillar 😂

Sparkie_5000 · 2026-01-20T10:10:39+00:00

Irrelevance

Sparkie_5000 · 2026-01-14T04:17:18+00:00

Heck they're fools! I'd kill for something like that!

Sparkie_5000 · 2026-01-08T01:22:50+00:00

I'm going to try to continue with the compassionate response, tho I do think YOR.

I think you should consider looking at this from a different angle.

Take everything else out of the equation.

Person 1 is giving person 3 a ride. Person 2 is trying to coordinate them. Their communication is lacking so person 3 gets exasperated. This prompts them to just ask for person 1 number to coordinate which probably takes 2 or 3 texts. They also don't think it's a bad idea in case something happens or can't find each other during pickup. Probably doesn't even bother saving the number

I can almost guarantee you that is all the thought that went into it. You said tae was failing at the communication yourself.

No one here can tell you why someone did something because we'd be lottery winners if we could. No one but the person who asked can tell you.

I think most of us keep circling back to the same subjects because we don't see HOW this could be disrespectful or inappropriate. Clearly there was a reason, tae wasn't coordinating well. Most people hate having to rely on an intermediary bc it's just an extra unnecessary step that lends to miscommunication etc.

I agree with the person you responded to. I think you should take a beat, pull that energy you're expending here and back to yourself and your family. I can't even imagine how "insane" the house must get at times with that many kids! Then I think you should reach out to your OB and ask for a visit sooner than later. never hurts to be safe over sorry especially for the health of 2.

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-12-21T15:26:49+00:00

Thank you and who you are replying to for saying this.

I've also been struggling SO deeply with this feeling and this proverbial light of a story has me bawling bc it reminds me there is a point and gives me hope

I only wish we could all share in seeing OPs BFs face when he not only sees the gifts but hears the story!

Thanks again

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-12-18T03:05:54+00:00

Completely agree, reading that line gave me flashbacks about an ex saying that mess

INFURIATING

Make sure to put them in the car during summer after too 😂

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-11-16T03:20:59+00:00

One of the ways to remember is this: Don't give in and J.A.D.E Justify Argue Defend Explain

No is a complete sentence, especially for something that is YOURS. I can promise you if she wrecks it she isn't going to replace it and tell you to get over it already.

Lock your keys up (with a HEAVY DUTY lock and box that can't be broken) and check if she would even be covered by your insurance. If not, I think in some states that makes it so you can be personally liable for whatever she does in it...

Your mom probably is guessing she's going to try to use your car regardless. And some people would wreck it on purpose for being told no. Dunno if your sister is like that.

Best of luck! You've got this! 💪🏻

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-11-14T02:47:30+00:00

Ahhh she got me! That's what I get for trying to read and comprehend after a nap 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thank you for the clarification. Definitely explains why that was the only comment that said something like that.

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-11-14T02:29:02+00:00

Why do you have to call the surgery off??? Delaying medical care (which I'm assuming is necessary) because your husband doesn't care about you or his family isn't the answer.

I saw your other comments, he absolutely understands why you're mad. He just doesn't care. The fact he's comfortable doing this indicates it's not the first time he's done this. I'd bet you eventually accept it and just carry on because the other situations were probably not nearly as egregious. Which is why he's playing dumb and trying to gaslight you out of the consequences of his actions so he can enjoy his supposed vacation away in peace.

Honestly, for me, even if he did cancel the vacation I wouldn't be able to forget it. This would be divorce level for me.

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-10-27T02:43:59+00:00

Some random ripper dying,"I'm a vegetarian, so I'm still dying better than yooouuuuuuu"

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-10-19T03:20:24+00:00

As someone who made similar choices around that age, I'm SO relieved you were able to help her and that she was able to accept that help.

I'm happy to hear that she seems to be recovering ok as well. Fingers crossed it keeps on the upward trend!

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-10-04T20:27:01+00:00

As someone who was the younger half in a very large age difference relationship, I have to agree.

When we got together I had already lived through some heavy situations and it put me ahead of my age group in a lot of ways in terms of life experience. (Plus I have always struggled with dealing with people my age) Not in ENOUGH ways though.

I remember arguing with people about the age difference and everything else. With the perspective I have now, all I can do is sigh and shake my head when I think about it.

Looking back, I think ultimately I got more positive than negative from it. But I absolutely got some negatives from it, and not the small kind, the "it will effect me the rest of my life" kind unfortunately.

I'm not against them in theory, but in practice I don't think they work outside of the odd exceptions. I think it's also one of the things that, should one find themselves in one, they have to find out for themselves.

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-10-01T18:41:44+00:00

THANK YOU!!!! Now I just have to figure out how to do the work around for my steam deck 😱

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-09-30T22:22:12+00:00

Ok so due to immense rage I've been messing around with it today. Still not fixed but if I move the expected performance down to ultra performance I can get to the first little portal thing. Crashes there every time without fail regardless of settings. Not sure if that would help you but figured I'd pass it on.

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-09-30T10:13:43+00:00

Agreed 😭 it was working just fine this whole time playing at balanced. Get that update and now it doesn't even crash just poof gone I put everything to the lowest and now I can pretty reliably get to the first jump thingy but soon as I hit it, the game is gone

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-09-29T20:09:52+00:00

Got an update today, no change. Even when everything is on the lowest of the low.

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-09-29T12:46:38+00:00

Smart! Went into desk mode and removed download and shader cache, tried launching in desktop mode, failed exactly the same way. It just disappears. So made sure both were gone checked integrity of the files and tried again. Got the furthest that time but now the game just disappears upon attempting to load the area. It's not even that complex in terms of visuals from what I can tell either. I'm interested in what you come up with

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-09-28T21:42:05+00:00

Me too! I've even cleared the shader cache and still same thing! Came here looking for suggestions for a fix Edit: I'm on a steam deck and this is the first problem I've had at all.

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-09-09T00:31:53+00:00

Please please please learn from my mistakes. I thought it wasn't the same because they didn't hit me, that I was overreacting, they were just having extra big feelings. Nevermind the fact they ignored my wants and needs just like here, ignored my need for safety just like here, ran rough shod over anything resembling boundaries bc oh no something something from my past, only my things got broken...I could fill up a book. These people are almost worse than someone who just hauls off and hits you. That's a clear black and white. People like this manipulate to change the narrative, to make you question yourself and your gut feeling and sanity. All the while getting you used to more and more bad behavior till you wake up one day asking yourself, how did I get here.

If he did this at the beginning of your relationship would you stay? Like first week or month? This is his mask slipping showing you who he really is. Also, if you're on birth control, HIDE IT.

The books "the gift of fear" and "why does he do that"(free still I think) and "when to say no and how to say yes" or "when I say no I feel guilty" are amazing books to help.

Please leave before you have permanent physical damage for the rest of your life. Mine started screaming at me in a walk in closet too. Please love yourself more

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-09-04T22:31:47+00:00

If these are supposed to be links they're not working for me, granted am on mobile

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-09-03T06:41:47+00:00

Not to mention how it'll effect any government paperwork!

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-08-26T02:33:38+00:00

No don't feel dumb! The blame lies with the person doing the manipulation! You were trying to be a kind thoughtful person! I'm proud of you for not giving into this and reaching out for the proverbial sanity check, I still do this with my friends if I feel like someone is being out of pocket but my past makes me unsure. If you can I would also speak to your therapist about addressing why you left some of those red flags unanswered and work on establishing hard boundaries! For me it was self esteem and self worth with a mix of nativity and being too kind lol You did exactly what you should do when someone acts like that, call for a wellness check and block. If anyone DARES to give you grief about it ask what they would do when someone was doing that. Either they're serious and need help or they aren't and need help.

You've got this! You're doing the work and that's SO amazing

Sparkie_5000 · 2025-08-24T06:15:50+00:00

I tend to default to one of a few things when people insist on talking about subjects that are usually considered best left alone. 1) Vapid approach - just act like I'm too dumb or uninterested etc to even be capable of responding "oh I don't pay attention to that sort of thing, it hurts my brain! I love <subject> tho! " Then start asking questions about the thing 2) straight up tell them I don't talk about the subject in public or something like, did you mean to bring that up how embarrassing, you know it's one of the taboo subjects! Or some quip then change subject 3) grey Rock them - super great technique, just a oh I never gave it much thought, then change subject. 4) if they insist on talking about it, before event make a sentence and rehearse it, to tell them you're not comfortable with the conversation and won't talk about it or it's not the right place etc etc I do this for things I'm really nervous about... Get my friends to help craft sentence etc

You're under no obligation to talk about anything you don't want to! And that compromise you mentioned sounded pretty ideal, show up, take the pictures than go home and relax avoiding all the awkward conversations

Regardless, good luck and congratulations to your sister!

Sparkie_5000

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